AIBU - Time off for DH's grandmas funeral

[owltrousers]

My DH's grandma died last week, she was 90 odd and had been unwell for a long time so its not a massive shock but he is obviously upset.

The date for the funeral is Mon 6th Nov at 12pm midday so straight away I emailed my bosses (I work in a small therapy clinic as a secretary for 2 people) and asked if I am able to take the day as holiday (my holiday renews 1st October every year) I sent my email on Fri 20th October so 2 and a bit weeks notice, short yes but not ridiculously so.

I checked to see if that Monday would be busy - so far no one booked in and only 1 practitioner in anyway (I'm the receptionist) so thats not looking problematic.

I just received a response from my boss via email - ''I'm not happy about this" thats it! I'm not sure what to think... I'm 28wks pregnant and they seem to have had a problem with me since I announced I'd be taking maternity leave even though I've only missed 1 day through sickness throughout my pregnancy and I've arranged all my scans/midwife appointments on non work days to help them out.

I'm furious tbh.

I sort of think if you had just asked face to face then it would have been better? It's a bit weird to me that you emailed them when its a small business.

What a power-tripping, callous joke of a human. You're 100% entitled to feel furious, OP, and sorry for your loss

Toxic bosses with gaping empathy voids are bloody everywhere, aren't they

Situations like this make me volatile and defensive, so I'd be inclined to reply: "Noted. I will not attend the funeral, and will work the full day on November 6th". Save the annual leave and call in sick the morning of the funeral. If they want to question the validity of a pregnant woman taking her second sick day, more fool them.

They sound like charmless plebs, so I'd also stay hyper-alert for notable sings of pregnancy and maternity discrimination.

FeelingWelrd things like that should ALWAYS be put in writing where you can trace it back, esp if your boss is an idiot like OPs. You never know when you will need to prove something. Not strange at all, very common practice in fact. Many of my bosses have told me face to face 'yep X request is fine, can you just write me an email with the details' so it's traceable.

OP - sorry your boss is horrible. I would just email back to clarify. If you are taking annual leave then you are more than entitled to take it whenever you want for whatever reason you want. Just ask 'I'm unsure from your response whether this have been approved or not, please let me know so I can make arrangements. Can I check what the problem is so I know how to request for future? Just to confirm I am taking this as annual leave, as I understand she is not a direct relative.'

Some people are really inhumane.

The world isn't going to collapse if people need a bit of time off because people have died!
The bosses described here have lost the plot.

Gosh that's terrible. I wouldn't be planning to go back there after your maternity leave. I think I'd just go back and say that unfortunately, as it's for a funeral, it's unavoidable.

Thanks everyone.

I've since wondered if he hit 'reply all' by accident or something, I haven't as yet replied as he's in the office tomorrow so I want to see if he says anything first.

The reason i put it in an email is because they work away a lot and I wouldn't see them in person until tomorrow, so I was trying to give maximum notice. Plus yes, it is good to have things in writing too!

They sound like charmless plebs, so I'd also stay hyper-alert for notable sings of pregnancy and maternity discrimination. @plantingandpotting Yes, exactly this. I have kept everything in writing between us for this reason. They are forever moaning about my maternity leave and having to 'pay two receptionists' even though they get 93% of it back from the government.

How is DH’s grandma a close family relative? No disrespect but compassionate leave is for immediate family only.

@Protectingmydaughterfromfilth if you read the op, didn't ask for compassionate leave she requested annual leave.

OP is not asking for bereavement leave or compassionate leave! She's asking to book a days annual leave.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation, OP. And sorry for your loss.

Agree with everyone else. Different if you were asking for bereavement leave or for 3 or 4 days or something, but you aren't. You are giving 2 weeks notice for a day of your annual leave.
I like the response above, noting that you aren't happy that someone you love has died either, but such is life.

What is the policy though? I couldn't give 2 weeks notice for annual leave. It is more like 8 weeks at a minimum

I think he's trying to guilt you into saying you won't take the day off, without him actually having to say no.

He can't have his cake and eat it. Ask for clarification, and decide on your next move based on what he says.

Well then, in the case of a funeral, the policy would need to be amended. You don't get 8 weeks notice of a funeral. The OP isn't suddenly asking for a week in the sun, she is explaining she won't be there for one day, as she needs to be at a funeral. It isn't going to cost the company anything as she is using one day of her AL. She has already said, in a practical way it wouldn't create an issue with work, it is just the Manager being difficult.

They sound like twats and some of the replies on here aren’t much better. How the fuck is someone commenting that they need to give 8 weeks’ notice to take holiday helpful? Who gets 8 weeks’ notice of a funeral? (Or a boiler breakdown, or other issue that might necessitate taking short notice annual leave). Jeezo life happens. Employers might get more out of their employees if they treated them with a bit of human decency once in a while. If their workplace can’t cope with one person going off on pre-planned annual leave for one day they’re not running their business very well.

A bit of empathy and understanding goes a long way. You’ve given as much notice as you feasibly could given it’s a funeral.

*My grandad died at the end of March, at the time I worked where no leave was allowed during March or April (financial services). I asked for a day off for the funeral scheduled for mid April and was told no. Didnt qualify for compassionate leave as that was only for parent, child or sibling.

As I was the only one of us working at the time I couldn't risk losing my job so I missed his funeral.*

And this employer is an absolute cunt. How is this a reasonable way to treat a member of staff, “legal” or not?

It is very disheartening when you figure out your employer doesn't give a fuck about you.

FeelingWeird in most companies requesting annual leave in writing is standard, so that there’s a record.

I wonder how they'd have reacted if you'd asked for a day's leave with no explanation.

I'd go for a moral high ground response:

Could you please confirm whether my request, sent on x date, for one day's annual leave on x date has been approved? It is unclear from your response.

Heads up OP if you are not in a Union then I would join one right now if you intend to return to work after birth. From what you have said so far your employers sound likely to make things difficult.

This is the sort of thing that keeps me in my job even though I could earn about 25% more elsewhere - my employer would just say 'go, we'll work it out'. Bosses need to remember a little goodwill goes a long way. They sound ridiculously demanding OP, I'd go with one of the calm factual replies above.

Why don't employers realise how much loyalty they can keep / lose with this attitude? When my grandmother was seriously ill,, my boss' approach was "Go, go now, take as much time as you need, we'll cover for you". It was so kind and caring

So agree. My father died in July one year, so I had a week's compassionate leave, which is standard where I work. Then it became apparent that my mother had dementia and I had to spend a lot of time going to see her and sorting out all his pensions, her power of attorney and all sorts of other stuff. I was allowed to reduce my hours, to make it easier for me to go and see her regularly.

She died the following March, and I had not only to deal with my grief and make all the usual arrangements, but only had 3 weeks to clear her house of 30 years worth of hoarding. They lived a 3 hour drive away, so it involved a lot of travelling up and down.

They were brilliant at work. The area manager insisted on giving me an extra 5 days of compassionate leave, told me just to ask for more if I needed it, and they couldn't have been more understanding or supportive.

Ten years on, and despite the job getting more and more difficult, they have my unswerving loyalty. It's no surprise that they have won awards for their family-friendly policies.

I agree with a grim above if you can, join a union somthey can support you if things turn nasty for your maternity leave.

I'd also seek clarification on the leave policy they operate... have you had issues taking leave in the past?

Incidentally the company involved in my post about being refused leave for my grandads funeral, although being a huge company was also VERY old fashioned! No trousers for females sort of old fashioned. I left when I started my family and they have since closed down!