To start a thread about things you should not say or do to childless people

[user1485342611]

As someone who can't have children I have sometimes been shocked at how tactless and insensitive some people can be - the latest being a colleague who objects to having to work over Christmas because 'Christmas is about children. Staff with families should get priority'.

I do have a family, it just doesn't include children of my own.

AIBU to be fed up of this kind of stuff and to ask other posters in similar situations to share hurtful acts and words in the hope that it might educate those not in our situation and who don't always think before they speak/act?

I had the Christmas "you don't have children" issue in one of my first jobs.

I bet most people (note I said most!) could find childcare far, far easier than I could have found stand-in home carers in ChrIstmas day for my grandmother.

I wasn't even allowed to apply for time off, only parents were. I quit, two other people did as well, and only after that did the company realise that life isn't as black & white as kids or no kids.

We have 6 kids and I still wouldn't assume that DH should have priority over his childless colleague.

Good luck with your appointment @tehmina23 I hope it all goes well.

haveagobletofblood

Not at all what RhiannonOHara meant.

You think it would be easier to tell your dying relative that you can't spend their last Christmas with them than it would be to tell your dc unfortunately you have to work so will need to celebrate on Boxing Day this year do you?

If I worked for EvilCleverDog and was told my requests were secondary to those with children I'd be raising a grievance.

It’s not the same people every year - I’m the only one who has worked more than 2 xmas day in a row. I try to be fair but those with genuine need will come first.

I have 30 staff to rota - 10 full time and 20 part time. Bare minimum needed for xmas day is 8 (reduced opening hours)

3 single parents, who will get the day off, as well as 15+ others.

tehmina - I'm sorry about your MH struggle.

Being childfree is not what I thought would happen with my life, but it is OK.

I like this poem. I think it applies beautifully to just about any situation in life with an either/or decision. We take paths, not knowing what will be down them, and it's not always abrupt impulse or free choice or even anything conscious that drives us, but somehow we still manage to make our story out of it afterwards, a story that isn't entirely about what we didn't do, but also isn't entirely about what we did do either.

The Road Not Taken
BY ROBERT FROST

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

You know, I started this thread in the hope that it might make some posters reflect a little more about some of the comments they make to those without children (often with absolutely no idea that it's hurtful, because they haven't 'been there' themselves).

Bu it has now become full of posters with children justifying why they and other mothers 'need' Christmas Day off.

Says it all really

I'd be objecting to single parents automatically being given the day off. It reduces options for everyone else.

Oh and ilovesooty I'm sorry for my failed attempt at sarcasm earlier. I was trying to show you some light hearted support (in a sad situation) but I re read my comment and it just made me look like a dick

@lalalalyra i would prioritise you for time off in those circumstances - it’s not just parents who have caring responsibilities.

Stick no need at all to apologise. I understood the intention

I love that poem whiskyowl. The road less travelled is certainly not an easy path to take

user, its often the way. Thank you for starting the thread anyway, I have found some of the comments really helpful

Thanks whisky & goblet.

Why does every childless thread get invaded by parents anyway??

I'm glad about that Lotta

And there it is.

People without children have mere wants.

People with children have real actual needs.

Yes. Because if you do not ensure that your children have adequate care you lose them and get a criminal conviction.

If you can't go on holiday with your nieces and nephews you feel a bit disappointed.

Does that explain the difference between a need and a want sufficiently? A legal obligation vs wanting to do something because it's nice?

I don't want children. Never did.

I hate the line - you'll change your mind when it's your own!

Who'll look after you when your old?

As a parent . . .

So, Margaret how do u think your comments are helping childless women on this thread exactly?

My sister said the worse thing someone said to her, after she lost her second tube, was

‘Awww, never mind, why don’t you get a dog instead?’

'Because if you do not ensure that your children have adequate care you lose them and get a criminal conviction.'

And what, exactly, does that have to do with having to work on Christmas Day?

Who'll look after you when your old? I always just inwardly laugh at this comment. Hardly anyone I know still lives near their parents so it is such an idiotic thing to say.

It took me 10 years of fertility treatment to have my child.

The worst things people have said:

• why don't you just try
• oh you don't like children thats why you don't have any
• you wouldn't know what its like (to be a mother)

Fucking hell, Margaret. That comment is ludicrous and offensive in equal measure. I laughed out loud when I read it at the combination of sheer insensitivity and irrelevance.

I don't want children. I don't like them. I have a stepson and that's enough for me.

'Oh it's different when you have your own'

And the word I hate more than anything

'Why?'

What gives you the right to ask someone why they don't want children. It's none of your business.

Jesus. Fucking hell. No wonder women find it so difficult to combine parenting with a career when they face these sort of attitudes.

What attitudes would those be then?