To start a thread about things you should not say or do to childless people

[user1485342611]

As someone who can't have children I have sometimes been shocked at how tactless and insensitive some people can be - the latest being a colleague who objects to having to work over Christmas because 'Christmas is about children. Staff with families should get priority'.

I do have a family, it just doesn't include children of my own.

AIBU to be fed up of this kind of stuff and to ask other posters in similar situations to share hurtful acts and words in the hope that it might educate those not in our situation and who don't always think before they speak/act?

IneedaMagnum. Crossed post with OP. I as referring to the PP who suddenly brought up the whole actually it is all about children and parents should get priority thing again after it had briefly died down. Unfortunate timing on my part

Sorry I hadn’t rtft. Apologies about Christmas in many other situations clearly I hadn’t thought about those. I still say no one should work at Christmas except those that have in the emergency services. Shops open again on Boxing Day is ridiculous.

I find sanctimonious comments on the lines of 'now that my children are grown up I am quite happy to work Christmas Day blah blah'.

Yes, because you were facilitated for years and years when your children were small.
Can you imagine, though, if year after year after year you were expected to come to work on Christmas Day so that your contemporaries with children, and then the next generation with their children, could have it off.

For you it's just time to repay a favour accorded to you for many Christmases.

Agreed - and the same applies to the 'I did it when I was young' from people who fully expected they'd 'get their turn'.

Sorry but there is no good reason why a parent should take priority over anyone else at Christmas. If you are more worried about disappointing a child (one with a loving family and presents!) than about being a fair and reasonable human being, then your priorities are wrong.

MUMsTHEWORD - what if the parent/children are Jewish or Muslim or atheist? Should they still get your Christmas priority? Should a Jewish/Muslim/atheist not get any say at all about leave over Christmas?!

Everyone has their own priorities. You don't get to dictate what someone else's priorities are. Especially if you are expecting their priorities to accommodate you!

Parents should put their children first any time of year. To suggest people who aren’t parents should sacrifice their own wishes and happiness to put other people’s children first is just really nasty, at Christmas or at any other time.

Agreed. Why the bloody hell should anyone feel obliged to put their own needs and wants below those of random people and their kids?

'How about just don't talk to us about children? It's either hurtful and painful, or just really, really boring. Other topics of conversation exist, people!'

Standing ovation for this

'Totally disagree, parents put their children first not themselves'

Oh yes, parents with all their magical powers of empathy and self-sacrifice and sensitivity, which have been in such fine display on this thread 'Parents put their children first' is as much of a generalisation as it is to say that all childless people are selfish i.e. totally meaningless

boospy “clever little people”? So if your child isn’t academically gifted that’s a reflection on your parenting?!

I’m currently expecting my first child. In previous years I’ve happily worked Christmas to facilitate those with young children being at home on Christmas. I now work in job with shifts and people can swap between themselves as long as they do the same job to suit.

Because of my pregnancy I’m not allowed to do my actual job so I’m office bound for the moment. I find it amazing that my work place felt it a good idea to place a young woman in our office (solely made up of 5 pregnant women) who has just completed cancer treatment (who normal works in another area) and is unable to now have children for her returning to work. None of us had any idea and naturally a lot of our talk is very baby heavy. We felt so bad when we asked if she was also pregnant and she revealed why she was locked in an office with us for the foreseeable future!

@SingingBabooshkaBadly

Even now, in my fifties there's a part of my brain that won't quite accept it. It feels like such a big thing and at the same time such a small thing to have a child. By small thing I mean it's so commonplace, so normal, something everyone in the world seems to have except you.

I couldn't have put it better myself. Thank you x

@ilovesooty what thread was that on? That is awful!
Did you remarry and have children?

Beyond mystified you're on mumsnet if don't have children tho - don't really get that.

Are you lacking in imagination or something? Read the list of topics...infertility, conception etc. Plus you can contribute/enjoy the vast majority of threads without having children.

Dollieollie that is nothing short of horrendous!! What awful planning / solution on part of the SMT / powers that be types!!!

Expect she will leave soon & mount constructive dismissal claim & i wouldn't blame her.

"Beyond mystified you're on mumsnet if don't have children tho - don't really get that."

I really, really hope you get banned for that comment.

Yes PurpleDaisies, I've been in that situ myself & I would've steered clear frankly, for the reasons put forward by Dollieollie. Hearing about other pregnacies / children was hell!

Wow thaks WhiskyOwl, hope so too - way too much bashing of others - I might be better off.

I just don't get it as it was presented as such a fait acompli that's all. Seems weird to me, especially then posting such an emotive thread. People should prioritise which ever employees / work colleagues they wish.

Good for you houghtonk76. And is it your way or the highway? Or do you accept that maybe, god forbid, there are other perspectives besides your own?

I hope you get banned too.

Dollieollie It's not ideal but you have to fit the people you have and the skills they have into the jobs that need doing. To suggest that by being placed with five pg women she has been constructively dismissed is preposterous.

My office works open plan, in pods of four, and a few years ago one pod was occupied by three pg women and a father-to-be. When one of the women went off on leave the woman who then took her seat - no children at the time - got some teasing. She did not seem to mind, but reading this thread I am now glad that I was not in her team and did not join in it to her face.

No Ineedamagnum, it isn't because that's not the sort of person i am at all.

And u don't know me. I just thought it was weird is all, not what I would do (or did), so just didn't get it.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I would just want to distance myself. Probably my tone didn't come off in typed form tho.

Never agreed with giving parents priority over Xmas, if you’re in a job where you need to work over Xmas sometimes then you take your turn unless someone else volunteers, sucky though it can be. People without ‘Santa age’ kids still have families that they may want to be with/ travel to see etc.
BUT as for parents beIng insensitive towards childless people- unless I know the personal circumstances of every childless couple etc. How on earth would I know what they would and would t be offended by? I’m not going to tiptoe around them. So what if your colleague thinks Xmas IS for kids? That’s there opinion and you don’t need to be mortally offended by it. God knows enough people/ colleagues have said really stupid/insensitive things to me about HAVING children including the assumption by many of them that I now have no ambition but I shrug it off. I don’t expect childless people to be sensitive around me when they’re talking about their fabulous travels, the freedom they have, or the opportunities being childless can bring. Most people exist in their own world, with their own priorities ...

I've been in both camps - while I was child free I was happy to cover shifts for others - not necessarily parents but also folk who needed to catch a bus or train in order to get home for Christmas. I had a car so a late drive home on Christmas Eve didn't bother me. I even did my best to give them a lift if it was 30 miles down the road. I've covered shifts on Christmas Day itself and just celebrated another day.

I love Christmas, always have. And I put my heart and soul into it, more so since DS was born. And for a few magical years, it does have an added element of loveliness to see him open presents and see his excitement.

But it does not give me the right to expect that my child-free colleague (who loves Christmas as much as I do) cover my shifts every year. It would be breathtakingly selfish of anyone to expect that.

God knows enough people/ colleagues have said really stupid/insensitive things to me about HAVING children including the assumption by many of them that I now have no ambition but I shrug it off

Oh my god! Thank you I finally see now! Why am I getting so upset about people constantly asking if I have children / why I don't have children or assuming I must be going on 'fabulous' travels in all the free time being childless brings. I should just shrug it the fuck off!

Just when you think no one could be more crass than some of the previous posters another one comes along to prove you wrong.