To start a thread about things you should not say or do to childless people

[user1485342611]

As someone who can't have children I have sometimes been shocked at how tactless and insensitive some people can be - the latest being a colleague who objects to having to work over Christmas because 'Christmas is about children. Staff with families should get priority'.

I do have a family, it just doesn't include children of my own.

AIBU to be fed up of this kind of stuff and to ask other posters in similar situations to share hurtful acts and words in the hope that it might educate those not in our situation and who don't always think before they speak/act?

@mumsthewordyouknow

So celebrate Christmas Day on Boxing Day with young children. They won’t know the fucking difference.

I don’t have children and I am bothered about the actual day as it is the only day of the year my whole family is together. Christmas Eve and Boxing Day aren’t possible as one brother works in retail.

But you know, fuck me and my pathetic meaningless life, as long as those with children get what they want at Christmas who cares about anyone else?

How about just don't talk to us about children? It's either hurtful and painful, or just really, really boring. Other topics of conversation exist, people!

McTufty

Don't you realise that your wants are not equal to those of someone with children? Of course they should put their wants first, that's not selfish at all as they have children. It's only selfish if you don't have children and should understand you are subservient to everyone else.

Sadly there are people who have had children with no issues who can behave in a thoughtless entitled way, rather comparable to being rich vs poor where they just don’t get what not having children (or money) is like and how hard it can be, e.g. everything revolves around families or seems to and can feel like it excludes people without. Advertising paints families as the holy grail of life which doesn’t help. I know a lot of people who have had years of trying and difficulties and thousands of pounds spent, you tend to only hear of the success stories and not the ones where it didn’t work. We should all be thoughtful. I heard one person commenting on a person treating their children as precious and they obviously had had trouble conceiving. It’s all a mine field to be honest and we should all think about what we say. I always err on the side of caution and it shocks me what some people thoughtlessly say.

I don’t agree that children should be a taboo subject. They’re a major part of my sisters’ and friends’ lives. It would be odd never to talk about them and since I care about them I want to know if they’re having a tough time. Use some sensitivity though. One (ex) friend told me I was lucky not to be able to have kids because that would save me a load of stress.

it shocks me what some people thoughtlessly say

You mean like what you posted about 15 minutes ago?

Sorry I don’t mean any offence, but Christmas is the one time I believe children should be put first, that’s just my opinion though.

The Christmas thing seems to me to be an example of how everyone is screwed over by the system (!) which leads to fighting over the crumbs (excluding emergency service workers sadly).

If we went back to the olden days when I was young when the January sales actually started in January, it would be far less of an issue about who had christmas off. The problem is caused by too many organisations finished at midnight on Christmas eve and starting up again at 4am on Boxing Day unnecessarily and then leaving it to their employees to argue about who is most deserving.

Silly me @stickthatinyourpipe, from now on I’ll ensure I completely disregard my own happiness and well being in favour of those of the first class citizens eg parents.

I’m the last of my friends to have kids but finally am actually in the early stages of pregnancy now. Please God don’t let me turn into one of the people on this thread if I am lucky enough for the pregnancy to stick. Please God don’t let me forget it is a privilege to become a parent, and one denied to many people through no fault of their own at great cost to their own happiness. Because I am appalled at the attitudes of some people on this thread, so disparaging of the lives of those without children.

Purpledaisies that’s what I mean, think before you make a judgement or ask a thoughtless question.

Artisancraftbeer I totally agree, it shouldn’t even arise, apart from the emergency services everything should shut and everyone get a holiday together at Christmas.

Sorry I don’t mean any offence, but Christmas is the one time I believe children should be put first, that’s just my opinion though.

It isn’t putting children first, it’s putting parents’ first,

Parents should put their children first any time of year. To suggest people who aren’t parents should sacrifice their own wishes and happiness to put other people’s children first is just really nasty, at Christmas or at any other time.

McTufty Good! I hope you have learnt your lesson!

In all seriousness though I wish you the best of luck and happiness with your preganancy I wouldn't worry about becoming like some of the posters on here. I think that sense of entitlement was there WAY before the children

purple that’s what I mean, think before you make a judgement or ask a thoughtless questioN

Oh, the irony.

Stop fertile-splaining.

Thank you @stickthatinyourpipe

Totally disagree, parents put their children first not themselves. I would feel so guilty if I wasn’t there for them.

Actually I have been in that situation of waiting for many years and heartache, but judge away I’m off.

The only person judging is you MumsTheWordYouKnow employees should be treated fairly in the workplace. As many many posters (including myself) have said, we don't mind being asked and have often covered Christmas etc to help out other people. But the issue comes when it is expected and we are told our lives are second to working parents that it becomes an issue.

We can go round and round in circles and try to explain to those people who feel that because they have children they and only they are entitled to Christmas (and screw everyone else) that consideration and empathy goes both ways and that the love for an elderly parent or the need to spend time with a DH in a strained marriage, or indeed just not want to be alone for whatever reason, whether mental health related or not) is just as valid and important as a parent feeling they want to be with their child because little Johnny might be disappointed, they'll still come right back at ya with: "show some consideration for PARENTS you selfish knobs", whilst completely missing the irony in that statement.

And breathe.

Mums yeah and I would feel guilty if I had to disappoint my elderly dad. You saying his feelings are less important?

Difference between you and me is that I believe in empathy and equality and that therefore people should take it in turns.

You on the other hand believe that you have more right to spending time with your family than others.

Ludicrous and selfish. Yes selfish, because they are YOUR children, your genes. How on earth could you possibly believe that you are less selfish than someone who doesn't want to disappoint their own relatives or wants to help out in a food kitchen? Or wants to look after their mental health or whatever?

Get a fucking grip.

I find sanctimonious comments on the lines of 'now that my children are grown up I am quite happy to work Christmas Day blah blah'.

Yes, because you were facilitated for years and years when your children were small.
Can you imagine, though, if year after year after year you were expected to come to work on Christmas Day so that your contemporaries with children, and then the next generation with their children, could have it off.

For you it's just time to repay a favour accorded to you for many Christmases. Expecting people without children to feel the same and to constantly sacrifice their family Christmas is unfair.

Oh god. Someone brought up Christmas again? Massive 23 page derail...Won't someone start an Aren't-Childless-People-Awful-toEver-Expect-To-Have-Christmas-Off thread so we can tear each other to pieces there and leave what's left of this thread to a discussion about what not to say to the childless, as the OP intended? Though sadly it seems there's a lot of people out there who clearly don't give a rat's arse about that...

I think the OP is allowed to derail her own thread

Mctufty more people like you please.

And wishing you the best of luck