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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to buy DNiece a crappy Christmas present?

126 replies

whateveryousay · 23/10/2017 20:01

Background story. I have 4 DC, all over the age of 10, 2 are adults. SIL and BIL have only just had their first DC, so this will be their first Christmas.

For previous Christmasses, SIL has bought me and my DH, and my kids absolute tat. To the point where we open our presents, and have a little private competition about who can feign the most delight over what is basically crap. Now, I am fully aware I must sound very grabby at this point, but for context, she bought my 18 year old son a plastic egg cup from a charity shop last year. Random, and can’t have cost more than 50p. These people are not loaded, but are by no means poor. I genuinely believe she has bought me and my kids the bare minimum she thought she could get away with, in order to have something to wrap.

I have previously bought SIL and BIL nice gifts, I’ve set my own standards, if you like.

However, now they have DC too. I just can’t bring myself to buy a decent gift, and have my kids watch DN unwrap something great, while they get the usual tat. Just seems very unfair. DH thinks I should continue taking the moral high ground, and get something decent for DNiece, but I just don’t want to!

AIBU?

OP posts:
HappenedForAReisling · 23/10/2017 20:25

Make SiL feel guilty by buying something nice for your neice.

If you make a big show of feigning delight at your gifts then SiL probably thinks you love what she gets you.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2017 20:26

'I always bought personalised items that she couldn’t return or donate. We’ve been nc for years so no gifts now lol '

That made me laugh!

Inertia · 23/10/2017 20:28

Definitely do what Tefal suggested! Buy something really really loud and disproportionately big from vtech or similar.

Buy SIL and BIL the crappy gifts covered in glitter- personalised glittery wine glass from a FB selling group perhaps?

Miloarmadillo1 · 23/10/2017 20:29

Perhaps they have resented feeling they have to buy for six members of your family for years and years when you are 'only' buying for two of them? It would be much better to agree you are just not exchanging gifts than buy something so obviously crap. Be the generous Auntie who buys fabulous thoughtful presents for DN. Your children will have formed their own opinions about their Aunt and Uncle's gift giving. FWIW we used to get amazingly hilariously strange gifts from an overseas Uncle when we were kids, not ever stingy but just bizarre, and always fiendishly wrapped in layers and layers of paper and tape. We all looked forward so much to the 'Uncle G parcel'. If you can get some enjoyment from your game of feigning gratitude so much the better.

permatiredmum · 23/10/2017 20:30

open our presents, and have a little private competition about who can feign the most delight over what is basically crap.

how horrible your family are!

Bippitybopityboo · 23/10/2017 20:30

I'm with Tefal brilliant idea.

N0tfinished · 23/10/2017 20:31

I like personalized gifts - Christmas bauble with ‘DN Name first Christmas’ etc. I’ve always gotten nice ones from Etsy, and not very expensive. You get a bit of the moral high ground but without spending a lot. I’d get SIL tat though.

Sweetnessishere · 23/10/2017 20:31

I now buy the minimum of Christmas presents so I can get those I do buy for presents that they want and will appreciate. I stopped all the extras and friends of friends etc a few years back when I realised the effort v reward was not good.

A few years ago exSIL who by all accounts bought presents for every acquaintance gave my 2 teenage daughters Boots gift sets from the children's 3 for /make up range, it was so obvious that she had bought in bulk. We gave her DC each toys of around £25 value. Not that we minded but it was quite galling to hear her sit and recount all the wonderful presents she had bought others.

Fortunately BIL saw the light and ditched her.

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 23/10/2017 20:32

I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy absolute tat, I mean if you’re getting anything at all then you’re still putting time into choosing as well as spending money so I kind of think why bother buying something that will just go in the bin. A cheap book or bath toy or even a Christmas bib, something that doesn’t cost a lot, isn’t especially exciting but can’t be criticised as being unsuitable.

I can see where you’re coming from. It’s all very well people say it’s the thought that counts and you don’t give to receive and I know that’s true but it does stick in your craw when gifts show just how little thought someone has for you or worse, for your children. It’s not so much taking it out on their child as not wanting to be the mug who puts the effort in when they’ve made it clear they’re not bothered about your dc. There’s not being great at choosing gifts and then there’s “meh, I couldn’t care less”.

Sarahjconnor · 23/10/2017 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
whateveryousay · 23/10/2017 20:35

Coco hit the nail on the head. I can cope with someone’s lack of thought for me FAR easier than lack of thought for my kids.

OP posts:
KoalaD · 23/10/2017 20:38

Ah, the true spirit of Christmas. Hmm

Competitive shittiness.

Orangealien · 23/10/2017 20:39

Get dh to send SIL a text saying that this Christmas you'd prefer to just do kids presents now that they have a family.

Then get dn something decent

confusedlittleone · 23/10/2017 20:39

Yes SIL is kinda nasty for what she's doing, but your going to be just as bad if you take it out on your niece

Ttbb · 23/10/2017 20:40

I think that you should get everything she ever gave you, spray paint it pink and, put it in a really big exciting looking box as your SILs present. But don't punish the little girl. Just get her a normal present.,

Original poster
whateveryousay · 23/10/2017 20:40

Haha, Koala! Sadly very true!

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 23/10/2017 20:40

Yes! A nice, loud plastic gift sounds perfect!

The —absolute fuckers— nice people at VTech are your friends here. They do a particularly good ball that, if left alone for a few minutes, will start to move, the lights flash and the annoying music start up again all by itself to regain the child’s attention.

For your SIL, I suggest what my great-grandmother did to my grandmother (her DIL) one year. She gave her a plastic salt shaker from Woolworths. She saved the pepper shaker from the set until her birthday....

Minidoghugs · 23/10/2017 20:41

I would go for a cheap but nice gift. As someone said a cheap baby book from The Works or a little toy.

I have a few family members who get random rubbish gifts when for the same price they could get something nice like a small box of chocolates. I don't think people mind a cheap present if you explain you are on a budget and would be happy if they gave you something in the same price range.

CamperVamp · 23/10/2017 20:41

Yes it is horrible that they give your kids shit presents.

So give them shit presents! IF you want to stoop to their standards.

But once you get to the point of wanting to take it out on an innocent baby, well you area long way from any Christmas Spirit, and need to calm down.

SpiritedLondon · 23/10/2017 20:41

Perhaps it was a protest for having to buy 4 presents for your DC plus for you and your DH ( presumably) while you've only had to buy for the 2 of them. I was single for a long time and it used to drive me nuts that I would be spending £100 +on presents for my siblings and their children and I would get one £25 present back ( and I have 3 siblings and step parents etc to buy for). Perhaps you could have released her from the responsibility - particularly if you were only going to end up with tat anyway.

Cornettoninja · 23/10/2017 20:43

Do you know what went down well with my dd at that age? One of those echo microphones from Poundland. Disgusting dribble catcher and then delightful sqwarks that never runs out of batteries Grin

I agree it's off to get back at your sil through your niece. I get where you're coming from absolutely, but it's really got nothing to do with her. Please don't drag her into it. Plenty of presents she'll remember fondly that her parents will detest that don't carry an obvious message as far as she's concerned.

Glumglowworm · 23/10/2017 20:43

To the posters up in arms about "punishing DN", DN is a baby who will neither know or care what her aunt buys her this Christmas!

Yes to buying tat for the three of them. You can always buy nicer gifts for DN once she's old enough to understand if you feel guilty

It would be quite mean to say no gifts now though. They've been buying for six of you for years, now they've had their first child you want to stop? I know that's not why but that's how they will see it and how they'll tell it to the rest of the family

BarbarianMum · 23/10/2017 20:45

The "innocent baby" will neither know nor care that you gave her tat. Do it. Cheap as chips and as little thought as you can manage. Pity you didn't keep the egg cup.

SenecaFalls · 23/10/2017 20:47

Fuck the moral highground in this situation.

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel. Grin

Ragwort · 23/10/2017 20:50

I think you sound pretty unkind to have accepted presents that you sneered at for your four children for so many years (you say your two oldest are now adults) - surely it would have been kinder to say 'we've got so many children, it's unfair to expect you to buy them all presents'.

Just buy your niece a nice present, doesn't have to be hugely expensive.