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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas WWYD/who is BU?

86 replies

turkeystuffing · 23/10/2017 11:39

Background - Colin and Betty spent Christmas alternating between their families with their 1 DC. They spent Christmas with Colin’s family in 2014 then split up in 2015. Not wanting to miss seeing the DC, they spent Christmas in 2015 with Betty’s parents. By this point, Betty was seeing Alan who spent Christmas 2015 with his former PIL and his 1 DC. Alan’s family are all based overseas.

Come Christmas 2016, Alan and Betty were on a break but Betty was newly pregnant with their DC. It was Colin’s turn to go to his family but he chose to stay at home and invited Betty to spend Christmas with him and their DC. Separately Alan decided to go with his DC overseas to see his parents. During 2017, Alan and Betty reconciled and now live together with Alan’s DC, Betty’s DC and their new baby.

Here is the WWYD...

Alan’s sister, Diana, did not go and visit him Christmas 2016 as she was at her DH’s family so she booked flights to come for Christmas 2017. Alan’s parents were invited but declined due to cost of flights.

This would be Betty’s year to take her DC to visit her parents. Betty offered Colin to swap so he had their DC this year and Betty and Alan could go to her parents next year. Colin agreed and Betty’s parents agreed 2018 for hosting and made alternative plans for 2017.

Diana has now cancelled her visit as her MIL died so Alan and Betty are left without visitors or Betty’s DC who will be away with Colin. Alan’s parents and Diana want to visit next year or have Alan and Betty go and visit with the children but Betty has agreed to go to her parents.

WWYD?

Further info....

Betty’s family live reasonably local and visit/babysit regularly
Betty will have her first DC on alternate years now despite having the last two with Colin and DC
Alan’s family haven’t included him in other family occasions which he is sad about
Alan’s family are a long haul flight and a visit is booked for A, B plus DC to visit in Summer 2018
Diana’s DH didn’t want to visit before his DM died
Alan and his parents think Betty should have spent Christmas 2016 with her parents instead of with Colin

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 23/10/2017 13:09

Arrangements for this year stay as is. Next year OP Betty should take her and Colin's DC to her Mums and ALan can choose to take their joint offspring to his family wherever they are staying or go alone or join Betty. Betty is sorted, it's Alan's problem. However as has been said, there is more than just Christmas Day. A, B and all Dc could spend time with A's family on Christmas Evev or boxing day etc. Will Betty and her childen to Colin be welcome anyway or do they just want Alan and the DC which is his and maybe Betty at a push?

ohmyblob · 23/10/2017 13:14

Stick to the original arrangement. It's not Colin's fault that Diana's MIL died or that Alan's family live overseas. Alan can do one, he was 'on a break' last year so what happened then is none of his business and he sounds like an arse

SilverySurfer · 23/10/2017 13:18

I know what this is - it's one of the puzzles periodically set by GCHQ when they are looking for new staff and I haven't a clue Smile

TheresaMay · 23/10/2017 13:21

I like Colin. He sounds strong and stable.

CheerfulMuddler · 23/10/2017 13:25

Diana cannot spend Christmas 2018 with A&B, because they've made other arrangements. She can come and visit in summer 2018 as planned, and they can spend Christmas 2019 together. Or she can come and visit after Christmas and spend New Year with them. Unfortunately, they aren't available on Christmas 2018, so that isn't an option.
A&B and their DC should spend this Christmas how the hell they want. If they want a quiet Christmas at home, they should do that. If they want to go and see Betty's parents or fly out to see Alan's, they should do that. If they want to go skiing and eat salmon patties in their underwear, that also works. It's none of any of anyone else's business what they do, and it's CERTAINLY nobody's business what Betty did when she and Alan weren't even together.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 23/10/2017 13:37

Colin and Betty should stay home and not inflict their am dram nonsense on anyone else.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 23/10/2017 13:38

I agree with TwattyCatty.

GherkinSnatch · 23/10/2017 13:42

Top marks for thoroughness with the naming of the characters.

Fair would be sticking with the original plans as laid out when Diana was still visiting. Betty's parents and Colin shouldn't be further mucked around because Alan's family are abroad. Chalk it up to experience and base all future Christmas arrangements around the annual Swapping of the Children.

Any chance of a reconciliation with Colin? He seems lower maintenance than Alan...

RandomMess · 23/10/2017 13:52

Time to start completely new traditions. A new baby in the mix is the perfect "reason" to say "screw trying to keep everyone happy, this year we are doing x y z to size of new family"

Worry about next year way off in the future...

What would you REALLY like to do, and what would you partner like to do?

5foot5 · 23/10/2017 14:06

Oh the people over the road from us are called Alan and Betty! Mind you they are in their 80s and GPs themselves so I don't suppose it is you.

I take it you are Betty?

PurpleMinionMummy · 23/10/2017 14:08

Tell Diana plans are already made and she'll have to wait until 2019. Where hopefully, diana, betty, alan, maybe even colin, all the dcs, the parents, cosmos the cat, dobby the house elf and cyril the cockroach can all join in Grin

Original poster
turkeystuffing · 23/10/2017 14:38

Thanks posters - yes, I have correctly been identified as Betty

OP posts:
Original poster
turkeystuffing · 23/10/2017 14:39

I appreciate all your input

OP posts:
Original poster
turkeystuffing · 23/10/2017 14:39

Sorry it was rather hard to follow but such is life these days Wink

OP posts:
chickenowner · 23/10/2017 14:55

I sympathise.

We have to contend with trying to visit my DPs parents and family, my Mum and my Dad. My parents have been divorced for many years and cannot possibly be in the same room together. My Mum remarried but is now widowed and expects me and my DBro + families to spend every Christmas with her.

(My DBro also has his in-laws to visit!)

It's all a nightmare. I would actually like to spend Christmas Day in my house with my DP and no visitors but of course that's not allowed.

Sigh.

I used to love Christmas, now it's just so stressful!

amicissimma · 23/10/2017 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andtheresaw · 23/10/2017 15:06

So, in theory Betty and her DC should spend next Christmas with her parents but because Diana and parents have not come this year she is under pressure to have next Christmas with them instead?

It doesn't matter what Betty and Alan do: what matters is where the children are. So, this year Alan's children belong with his parents. Get on a plane and go.
Then next year the kids belong to Betty's family.

OSETmum · 23/10/2017 15:08

Colin ha been very fair in swapping so it would be unfair to try and swap back now and may make him less agreeable in future.

Gazelda · 23/10/2017 15:10

I think everyone should stay in their own homes. Set up a video conference around 2pm so that you can all chitchat while eating dinner.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 23/10/2017 15:46

I don't like Alan. I don't know why, I've just taken a bit of a dislike to him. In the movie, Alan will be played by Hugh Grant, whilst Colin will be thoughtfully portrayed by a smouldering Andrew Lincoln.

Original poster
turkeystuffing · 23/10/2017 16:50

Just to clear up some confusion regarding the DC....

Alan now has 2DC - Tom & Dick
Betty also has 2DC - Dick & Harry

Harry is with Colin this Christmas so Tom & Dick will be with Alan and Betty.

Next summer, Alan has booked (costing thousands) a trip to his home country including Betty, Tom, Dick & Harry to see Diana and his parents, hence why an additional trip for the family minus Harry this Christmas is unaffordable (as is paying for Alan’s parents to come)

OP posts:
CardsforKittens · 23/10/2017 17:06

I'm struggling to follow to be honest, but would definitely see the film version with Andrew Lincoln to get it straight in my head. However, if Alan is moaning about how he's not spending Christmas with his parents this year, you could try shouting "We were on a breeeeeeeeeak!"
(Sorry, not helpful.)

stella23 · 23/10/2017 18:37

You need to leave to as it is, not sure why Colin and family should have their plans changed because his ex wife's new partners sisters husbands mil was/has died.

Betty needs to alternate years with Colin and then Betty needs to alternate her years with Alan's family meaning her family only get to spend Christmas with grand children every four years:
So it would go

Colin family
Betty family
Colin family or whoever Colin's choice is
Alan family

Gazelda · 23/10/2017 18:44

Um, i hate to uncover further complications, but do Tom and Dick have any contact with their DM? Does a visit to her and/or her family need to be scheduled in too?

greatpumpkin · 23/10/2017 18:47

I think Betty and Alan should host Christmas 2018 for Diana, Alan’s parents and Betty’s parents.

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