Christmas WWYD/who is BU?

[turkeystuffing]

Background - Colin and Betty spent Christmas alternating between their families with their 1 DC. They spent Christmas with Colin’s family in 2014 then split up in 2015. Not wanting to miss seeing the DC, they spent Christmas in 2015 with Betty’s parents. By this point, Betty was seeing Alan who spent Christmas 2015 with his former PIL and his 1 DC. Alan’s family are all based overseas.

Come Christmas 2016, Alan and Betty were on a break but Betty was newly pregnant with their DC. It was Colin’s turn to go to his family but he chose to stay at home and invited Betty to spend Christmas with him and their DC. Separately Alan decided to go with his DC overseas to see his parents. During 2017, Alan and Betty reconciled and now live together with Alan’s DC, Betty’s DC and their new baby.

Here is the WWYD...

Alan’s sister, Diana, did not go and visit him Christmas 2016 as she was at her DH’s family so she booked flights to come for Christmas 2017. Alan’s parents were invited but declined due to cost of flights.

This would be Betty’s year to take her DC to visit her parents. Betty offered Colin to swap so he had their DC this year and Betty and Alan could go to her parents next year. Colin agreed and Betty’s parents agreed 2018 for hosting and made alternative plans for 2017.

Diana has now cancelled her visit as her MIL died so Alan and Betty are left without visitors or Betty’s DC who will be away with Colin. Alan’s parents and Diana want to visit next year or have Alan and Betty go and visit with the children but Betty has agreed to go to her parents.

WWYD?

Further info....

Betty’s family live reasonably local and visit/babysit regularly
Betty will have her first DC on alternate years now despite having the last two with Colin and DC
Alan’s family haven’t included him in other family occasions which he is sad about
Alan’s family are a long haul flight and a visit is booked for A, B plus DC to visit in Summer 2018
Diana’s DH didn’t want to visit before his DM died
Alan and his parents think Betty should have spent Christmas 2016 with her parents instead of with Colin

[Whinesalot]

Every alternate year when Harry is with Colin, you and Alan take Tom and Dick to see his parents. Then the other years Tom, Dick and Harry see bettys parents.
If this routine has been messed up because of the split and dianas mils death then stick with the current plans as everyone has been messed about enough and then get back in the routine when Colin has Harry again. You are seeing Alan's family this summer anyway.

Phew...

[MrsRyanGosling15]

I think you should never have got with Alan. Just get back with Colin, life would have been much simplier.

[PidgeonSpray]

Wtf ... if everyone could stop breeding with multiple people, it would be a lot simpler

[midnightmisssuki]

oh god - i don't even know whats going on.. and i read it twice! Sorry OP.

Why not just do what you and Alan want? Colin has kids for christmas so thats sorted. Maybe you and Alan go to your parents house?

Forget Diana - no clue where she fits into all of this!

[turkeystuffing]

Tom has every Christmas with Alan - there are no plans to have Christmas again with his other grandparents (Alan’s former PIL with whom they spent Christmas 2015)

[Ragwort]

You say 'WWYD' in this situation - I would stay at home, on my own, with a good book, bottle of wine and leave everyone else to their travelling and family reunions.

Why, why, why do people get so het up about who visits who at Christmas?

[LemonysSnicket]

Go to Betty’s next year ... ask if Alan’s parents can come with?

[Clitoria]

What the fuck. Too many people. Everyone stay in their own houses.

[CotswoldStrife]

It was SO obvious who you were in this, OP.

Why do you need to know what to do? The arrangements have been made and there is no need to change them, either this year or next year.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

Dick is Betty's son too.

[greatpumpkin]

I think Betty and Alan should host Christmas 2018 for Diana, Alan’s parents and Betty’s parents.

[Gazelda]

Um, i hate to uncover further complications, but do Tom and Dick have any contact with their DM? Does a visit to her and/or her family need to be scheduled in too?

[stella23]

You need to leave to as it is, not sure why Colin and family should have their plans changed because his ex wife's new partners sisters husbands mil was/has died.

Betty needs to alternate years with Colin and then Betty needs to alternate her years with Alan's family meaning her family only get to spend Christmas with grand children every four years:
So it would go

Colin family
Betty family
Colin family or whoever Colin's choice is
Alan family

[CardsforKittens]

I'm struggling to follow to be honest, but would definitely see the film version with Andrew Lincoln to get it straight in my head. However, if Alan is moaning about how he's not spending Christmas with his parents this year, you could try shouting "We were on a breeeeeeeeeak!"
(Sorry, not helpful.)

[turkeystuffing]

Just to clear up some confusion regarding the DC....

Alan now has 2DC - Tom & Dick
Betty also has 2DC - Dick & Harry

Harry is with Colin this Christmas so Tom & Dick will be with Alan and Betty.

Next summer, Alan has booked (costing thousands) a trip to his home country including Betty, Tom, Dick & Harry to see Diana and his parents, hence why an additional trip for the family minus Harry this Christmas is unaffordable (as is paying for Alan’s parents to come)

[PelvicFloorClenchReminder]

I don't like Alan. I don't know why, I've just taken a bit of a dislike to him. In the movie, Alan will be played by Hugh Grant, whilst Colin will be thoughtfully portrayed by a smouldering Andrew Lincoln.

[Gazelda]

I think everyone should stay in their own homes. Set up a video conference around 2pm so that you can all chitchat while eating dinner.

[OSETmum]

Colin ha been very fair in swapping so it would be unfair to try and swap back now and may make him less agreeable in future.

[Andtheresaw]

So, in theory Betty and her DC should spend next Christmas with her parents but because Diana and parents have not come this year she is under pressure to have next Christmas with them instead?

It doesn't matter what Betty and Alan do: what matters is where the children are. So, this year Alan's children belong with his parents. Get on a plane and go.
Then next year the kids belong to Betty's family.

[chickenowner]

I sympathise.

We have to contend with trying to visit my DPs parents and family, my Mum and my Dad. My parents have been divorced for many years and cannot possibly be in the same room together. My Mum remarried but is now widowed and expects me and my DBro + families to spend every Christmas with her.

(My DBro also has his in-laws to visit!)

It's all a nightmare. I would actually like to spend Christmas Day in my house with my DP and no visitors but of course that's not allowed.

Sigh.

I used to love Christmas, now it's just so stressful!

[turkeystuffing]

Sorry it was rather hard to follow but such is life these days

[turkeystuffing]

I appreciate all your input

[turkeystuffing]

Thanks posters - yes, I have correctly been identified as Betty