Money given to me by friend because I'm broke

[thejanuarys]

My history is awful one - abusive ex in so many ways, but one way is he's harmed my work opportunities. So, I'm now living in overdraft and it's difficult for me to go back into credit.

I spoke of my difficulties with friend, who mentioned it to her parents.

They have kindly put £500 through my letter box this morning, saying they know of my difficulties, and whilst what they've given won't solve my problems, it may help a little.

Wow! That's an understatement. It is a lifeline. Much needed.

But here's my dilemma.
Do I keep it? I feel embarrassed, sad, and awkward bec of my situation that I can't provide adequately for my and dc, (even though situation imposed upon us by abusive ex) but at the same time I am so grateful that I know such kind people.

I give to charity as often as I can (in the last few days, buying Big Issue, paying for one woman's bus fare, giving £1 each to two people who begged on the street for money) and I have a monthly standing order to Unicef, set up when I was in a position to be able to give without 'noticing' it in my bank balance.

But taking charity just makes me feel awkward.

WIBU to say 'thank you but I can't take it?'

Or should I swallow my pride and take this handout?

Constructive, discursive answers only please.

Are you living on your overdraft, Eliza? Because op says she is, so yes; spending money you haven't got when you're struggling to feed your own children because others have it worse is just a little bit foolhardy.
When you're in a position that £500 is a "lifeline", having a standing order going to Unicef is ridiculous, really. Look after your own children first.

Sunandmoonshine your attitude is terrible and a good example of why society is breaking down.

It is important to give and receive, and more important to know when to do each.

Iamagreyhound I have done during parts of the last 2 years. Just about ok the last few months. I have still put giving first in my budgeting. Not foolhardy imo but open hearted and remembering like OP says that some have it far worse.

Fair enough. I still think giving to the point where you need rescuing yourself needs to be thought about a little deeper...

I wonder if these people would have given the money if they knew the OP was giving money to people in the street etc .

OP, you're a very good person. I'm sure your friend and her parents will hugely appreciate your thank you letter.

If you are living on an overdraft you simply do not have any money to give away, not even a £1.

You are borrowing the bank's money to give away. That is madness at this situation in your life.

They want you to have it and are in a position to help. Take it. Then one day when your life is calm (in a number of years), pass on the goodwill and help someone else in a very sticky spot.

Thank you to those all those who showed a humane side to this situaiton. I positied a question about charity and the ramifications of it.

For those who have been harsh, I have the following to say: I was assaulted very badly by abusive ex leaving me partially disabled. I teach intensive yoga. My disability means that I cannot do certain postures, which has impacted upon the type and number of classes I can get.

I am in overdraft because of the above, and I am endeavouring to do as much as I can.

The unsolicited gift given to me was by a friend's parent's who'd heard of my situaiton from my friend. They offered a kind gift.

It is a lifeline in as much as I won't have to use my overdraft facility, which means that for this month I am more secure. A true blessing for me.

I have always been self sufficient. My DC is well looked after. I go without on so many levels. This is just something I have to deal with. Until I re-establish my life.

On many levels I am blessed - I can work (albeit not to the full capacity I used to be able to), I have kind friends and a community we are safe in and I have a stable life with my gorgeous DC and I can look after her needs well.

With this background, if I cross the paths of people in more need than myself, then I would give. My overdraft is there - a few pounds either way makes no difference. But surely a one can see that there are levels of need - and there are many people in more need than me. Who do not have my support structure. So, I don't think I'll give up Unicef - just think of the awful things that are happeing in the world now (Watch Channel 4 news tonight for an example). Or to those who have been so reduced by their circumstances to actually beg on the street. I would in no way wish to add to their sadness. So I give the odd £1.

So, thank you to all those who gave thoughtful and constuctive replies. And those who are critical of me, I'd say try and imagine life without your comforts / your security / your certainty.

OP, I can completely understand. I pretty much lost everything overnight thanks to my ex, and was absolutely penniless. A very lovely friend met me a few weeks before Christmas, and handed me a card. Inside was £200. She just wrote 'For you & the children, for Christmas'. She saved that Christmas for us. I couldn't buy them much, but I could at least buy them presents, and Christmas dinner, and make it enjoyable.

She has said she would be insulted if I ever paid her back, but told me instead to pay it forward, if ever I could. So I do. I buy homeless people bottles of water, I paid for a neighbours small shop when their card got declined, I tell shops to put the small change in the charity jar. Not grand gestures, but I might make something of a difference to other people. And hopefully, one day, I'll be the one who saves Christmas for someone else.

I’m so pleased you took the money. This couple sound like my parents who would have been delighted to help a neighbour or friend if they could and would have done it in the most discrete way possible. They would have considered it money well spent and would not have wanted it mentioned again – knowing they had helped would have been enough.

Life ‘success’ is a lot to do with opportunity, circumstance and accident of birth so please don’t feel any loss of pride. You are hardworking, kind, empathetic and a responsible parent – if only there were more people like you.

Hope you enjoy a little more sleep.

You should stop giving money to charity while you are so broke. If the money was given and it helps then accept it but pay it back even if it takes a while.