To feel frustrated that you can't do anything with young children

[Chattycat78]

Just that. Tried to go to a family party today which was around 1.5 hours away. Maybe stupid to consider it with a 17 month old and an almost 3 year old but I really wanted to try.

The end result was - Barely managed to speak to people who I hadn't seen for a long time. Husband had to entertain older one and I had the younger one. They both wriggled, cried, refused to eat, and neither of us got a single moment to relax or socialise in an environment not kitted out for small people.

I know this is "how it is" with small children - but what's the solution? Do you- a. Forget anything vaguely complicated until they are older knowing it's "not worth it"- or
B. Do it anyway knowing you'll have a tough time but at least you've tried?

Yeah this thread has been great. Thanks guys. The person upthread who said it's like being at a party and looking in from the outside had it just right! That's exactly how it was yesterday and very depressing! I've now got over 12 hours alone with them both with no plans as it's school holidays so all playgroups are off. Sigh.

Judge each situation as it comes that's what we do... as long as there is food and a highchsir my 21 month old is very happy! Other times tho he just wants to run... took him to beamish yesterday and had to split up and take it in turns to run around after him or look in the shops and houses! Weddings again he is fine when it's the food and dancing... everything else is a big stress! Currently 30 weeks pregnant with no 2... sil has same age gap and will always have my back if we say we can't do something!

we go out quite a bit with a high energy 4 year old and a equally high energy. almost walking 8 month old. we first go to a playground for about 1 hour (in any weather, waterproofs are your friend). then the 8 month old goes in a sling on my back, and the 4 year old gets colouring/toys/ipad. works fine, but its essential to tire them out in the fresh air before

We followed a pattern when DD was 1-3 yrs old.

1. cautious attempt at B.
2. more ambitious B.
3. ambitious and ostentatious B; the ballet, central London, foreign food, late nights.

PEAK OF PARENTAL SMUGNESS. Contemplate starting a blog to share amazing tips (take a snack and colouring pad! just chill out!) and selfies of me with 2-yr-old daughter wearing sunglasses and eating octopus with chopsticks on a rooftop terrace.

1. semi-disastrous B.
2. B which involves weeping in public, broken crockery, uneaten meals, missed trains, vomit, piss, shit, the disdain of strangers, wasted money and a trail of cream cracker crumbs.
3. A
4. A
5. A
6. A, A, A, A, A, A

10. cautious attempt at B

OP I feel your pain, we mostly went for an adapted B (we were the first of our friendship group and in both families to have dcs so would have been zero understanding of A- which would have made me miserable anyway). Timing is everything so lunchtime party = get 5 minutes from venue 1.5 hours before you are expected so circa 11am in scruffy clothing. Have a good run around in the fresh air/ take dcs swimming / visit soft play. Give small snack around midday. Then change everyone into immaculate party outfits, do make up etc, drive 5 mins and arrive with relaxed hungry but not ravenous dcs. Make sure you sit next to anyone you really want to talk to at lunchtime. Bring buggy/travel cot for naps after lunch, leave between 3 &4 pm. For afternoon tea we would arrive in time for an early lunch,then physical activity, then arrival at venue. Not running them first was the kiss of death for social engagements IMO

1-3 are the ‘trailing’ years. Mine just won’t sit still and can’t be contained. As we have 3dc all 2 years apart, just as one exits the stage, another enters. It means that we have 6 years solid of it (we are just entering year 5).

I think when people say the more you persevere and take them out the better they get are mixing up the fact they are just naturally growing out of it anyway. So you can just save yourself the hell and still get to the same result.

I agree that my nt dc are more frustrating than my asd one. The unpredictability gives you hope. And i can deal with disappointment, but it’s the hope that kills you!

(Also see ‘holidays’ for extended crushing disappointment)

I don't agree that you can't do anything with small children. I have loads of children, if I didn't go places with small kids I would never go anywhere!
Bring them when appropriate, sometimes its easy sometimes it isn't. you just get on with it though, what else can you do?

Were at this stage and it feels like we've been here forever! Any time we risk it we regret it within 2 minutes. Each of us chasing a twin while 4yo DS collapses in the corner with a sugar induced tantrum and serene DD age 7 pretends not to know us.

I know it will pass but due to the timing of our pregnancies (we are idiots) it has been 7 years people, 7 long years!

I still haven't forgiven my brother for getting married in New York when DD was just turned 3 and DS was 4 months. The flights, the heat, the jet lag and having to manage them both at the longest wedding in the history of the world on my own as DH was a fecking groomsman!

Any suggestions for getting revenge on my brother (he's now a dad of a 2yo and 8mo) would gratefully received .....

*We're, sorry!

Tsundoku Brilliant

MrsK I wholly agree about the ASD and known unpredictability. We are going through the evaluation for our eldest as it looks very likely that she too has ASD. We cope by applying ABA to our DC equally. We spent a fortune in therapists but it's been very worth it.

bertie DC3 was born the Monday after my brother got married. We live here in NYC and his wedding was in England. We declined. No bad feelings on either side. They offered to change their wedding date but it was absolutely silly to do that. They didn't want our DC at the ceremony or party so it was an easy invite to decline.

The worst part of NYC is that they don't allow airbnb. It's the only way to do this city if you have young DC. Luckily NJ does allow and Jersey City/Hoboken are very baby friendly plus easy to get to Manhattan/Brooklyn.

I’m definitely A. It’s only a few years but my husband doesn’t agree

Mostly a. Last time I went to a family party I spent the whole time chasing after my 3 year old who flitted between opening and shutting a gate and trying to dive into the fish pond. Dh was doing similar with the 4 year old while keeping a vague eye on the 6 year old. As soon as the toddlers were near each other I hissed at dh that it was time to make our excuse and leave.

I know this is an old thread but I came across it after another horrendous trip to B&Q with my two year old whilst eight months pregnant.

I’m sorry to say that after 2 years of pretending life hasn’t changed all the much, I am now very much in the A category.

I remember just after he was born, I ordered a chest of drawers from IKEA and it took me over four days to put it together in stages because.. I had a baby! And that was the first time I thought ‘ah, life is going to be very different now’.

Fast forward a couple of years and I could probably do that more easily now as he would like to help, however the list of things I cannot do has grown exponentially. This includes going for a coffee, or out for food, meeting friends for chats, taking my time around the supermarket, shopping, going to dinner, working from home, cycling, yoga, spin class, weddings... life has gotten so damn SMALL!!

The last wedding we went to, I enjoyed myself but was also looking after my baby and a week later I had just about recovered from the energy it took to be there with him. It just wasn’t worth taking him. It exhausted me and bewildered him.

A all the way!