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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel frustrated that you can't do anything with young children

115 replies

Chattycat78 · 22/10/2017 20:50

Just that. Tried to go to a family party today which was around 1.5 hours away. Maybe stupid to consider it with a 17 month old and an almost 3 year old but I really wanted to try.

The end result was - Barely managed to speak to people who I hadn't seen for a long time. Husband had to entertain older one and I had the younger one. They both wriggled, cried, refused to eat, and neither of us got a single moment to relax or socialise in an environment not kitted out for small people.

I know this is "how it is" with small children - but what's the solution? Do you- a. Forget anything vaguely complicated until they are older knowing it's "not worth it"- or
B. Do it anyway knowing you'll have a tough time but at least you've tried?

OP posts:
LongWavyHair · 22/10/2017 21:13

I mostly go for A
I only go for B when I've got my "I can tackle the world" mood on. Which isn't very often because toddlers are hard work! Grin

DontTouchTheMoustache · 22/10/2017 21:13

I feel your pain so much. Ds is 20 months but im a single mum with no dad around so i fimd every weekend to be such a struggle doing it without help then being alone every eve. Ive got a very energetic dog as well so get to the park as often as possible but even at the park its just constant tantrums. I really hope it gets easier.

Original poster
Chattycat78 · 22/10/2017 21:13

Evilgiraffe- yeah it was a bad environment for kids and people they didn't really know. Was a bad plan in hindsight. Don't worry, we paid for it!Confused

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 22/10/2017 21:14

Hmmm we've usually done B. I wouldn't miss a rare get together even though it's tough. They are 3 and 5 now and getting easier but we had some hideous days out. It's fine if you have other little ones in the family or adults who genuinely want to play with your kids. It's not find if the other adults all just want to chat to each other and wave at the kids from a distance.

maamalady · 22/10/2017 21:15

Oh hell no don't do evening stuff with small children! Daytime only and home by 5pm are essential...

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 22/10/2017 21:15

Definitely a) and remember it won’t be for long. I’ve planned a lovely day out tomorrow (half term) with DS 10 and DD 8. Eldest DS 12 isn’t coming because he’s made his own plans to see friends. It seems like no time since I was viewing days out as a military operation with The Bag of activities and snacks to bribe entertain them.

Autumnfalling · 22/10/2017 21:15

After 4 DC I can confidently say A. B very occasionally with back up (family members to hand over to, tech, snacks and a strict time limit)

I refuse to give up going out for dinner though. That one I push on through and they are all now well behaved in restaurants. For that one I employed “the look”

Xmasbaby11 · 22/10/2017 21:16

I didn't find iPad worked until about age 3. There was nothing that made my dd sit still until then!

OuchBollocks · 22/10/2017 21:16

I was told to bring my then 1.7 year old along to a 50th birthday lunch in the private rooms at a very posh restaurant, as she was 'adorable' and 'everyone is dying to meet her'. FUCK NO. She stayed at home. I drank wine.

MamehaSan · 22/10/2017 21:16

Ha! DH and I were just umming and aahing whether to accept an invitation for an event 2hrs drive away. Event will last for 2 hrs. Then a 2 hr drive back again. We'd almost convinced ourselves that it's completely do-able with a baby and a toddler. After reading al these responses, 'A' is looking like the more appealing option...

DesignedForLife · 22/10/2017 21:17

Yeah. Not easy. I'm still not sure how we managed a very posh expensive meal out for big family birthday recently with a 13 month old and a 3 year old. My DH found a dinosaur activity pack full of stickers, crayons, and different things to decorate with kept 3 year old entertained for 2 hours Shock baby got cuddled by anyone he could reach. It was really civilised. I'm still not sure how we managed it (lots of talking about it before and food that they loved probably helped). Not so the day before when we went to a local pub and food got flung and the kids kept running away.

It's a gamble. Even kid things can end up with someone kicking and screaming in a corner. Not to mention the kids.

maamalady · 22/10/2017 21:17

I didn't mean to sound sneery, OP, sorry if it came across that way. Small children are hard work!

FaFoutis · 22/10/2017 21:19

If I took mine to such a thing as a family party (shudder) everyone there would either ignore the children, make it obvious they found the children irritating or/and leave them with something dangerous.

MollyCule · 22/10/2017 21:20

Glad I'm not alone, went through sometime similar today! DH is away for work at the moment and dd (15 months) slept really badly last night so I did too.. but, it was a family thing I couldn't miss. Spent the entire time trying to stop her throwing food on the floor, banging her head on the table, grabbing glasses/ cutlery off tablr and from running out the door.

I'm going to do A as much as possible but it makes me feel really shit when people think you're using your kids as an excuse to get out of something. I will also be doing c and d as suggestef above and must try to find a good babysitter as well (although then it gets expensive I guess!). Anyway, I feel your pain.

Loughgirl · 22/10/2017 21:20

Go on your own or get a baby sitter for events like that otherwise accept you just won t get to chat as much as you d like and hang out with the kids. simple as... I don t like to plug the kids into an iPad however just cos it suits. It's a bit sad.

PumpkinParent · 22/10/2017 21:23

Option A here too. We spent the weekend at a country hotel with friends. And our almost three year old and a nine week old baby. I was stressed out of my tree trying to keep an eye on both of them and stop the toddler from running off in the direction of ponds, hurling himself down flights of steps, etc (despite our friends really kindly taking the kids at intervals and DH doing his share). I have never been so relieved to walk back into our rabbit hutch of a flat. On the plus side, we did have an amazing walk through fallen Autumn leaves at an NT property on the way home and the toddler loved it!

OneMoreTune · 22/10/2017 21:23

It depends on the kids. Some are more highly strung. Some are good for an hour then get restless or bored. Some are great throughout. My eldest is very hard to please/whiny but the youngest is a dream. Aged 8 and 6 now.

I would never have done what another poster upthread said about leaving them to be entertained by other guests. It sound great and all “it takes a village” until you realise that nobody has the child and in fact child has gone outside or whatever unsupervised.

I have witnessed family member saying they are looking after the child for the moment (during a party) and then after five minutes get chatting to someone else and completely forget they are in charge of that child. I have rescued knives off toddlers whilst the entrusted adult had popped off to get a napkin and on the way back diverts into the kitchen for a top-up. It’s akaays a great idea until there’s an accident. Unless it’s a very trusted family member who is used to your child and you know they have eyes in the back of their heads then don’t leave your under-5s to wander at will at a busy party or gathering.

switswoo81 · 22/10/2017 21:24

Think should link this thread every time some complains about a child free wedding invite!!!

Spikeyball · 22/10/2017 21:25

We haven't been to a family event together since ds was born. Ds has sn so that's 12 years.

tillytrotter1 · 22/10/2017 21:26

Reminds me of taking our then 3 year old granddaughter into a lovely farm shop to select a pumpkin. She picked quite a small one and as she walked out of the door dropped it towards the floor and tried to kick it before it bounced! Such a shock for her when she realised how hard it was.

Original poster
Chattycat78 · 22/10/2017 21:26

Evilgiraffe- don't worry I didn't take it like that! You're right- it's ok if you Can hand them over to family they know. Not otherwise!

OP posts:
missymayhemsmum · 22/10/2017 21:29

In the ideal family party they run with a herd of slightly bigger kids/ get carted off by a tweenager who thinks they are soo cute. You still need to keep an eye out though

ShoesHaveSouls · 22/10/2017 21:30

A mostly. Then in a crazy access of boredom / over-confidence fling ourselves into B. Cope with the repercussions of B. Revert to A

Yes definitely this!

It gets easier, and then you have a few glorious years, before they turn into moody teenagers and won't be seen dead with you Grin

DesignedForLife · 22/10/2017 21:31

I still can't get my head around people (parents!) who tried to pressure us to going to a huge New Years party with 2 year old and 4 month old. "It will be fun, they'll love running around" nutters. We stayed in and got Chinese

TunnelofLove485 · 22/10/2017 21:37

A although I’m struggling to accept that! I do still try to do things but I just have very low expectations of my life now. Tomorrow I plan to take the toddler out on my bike (she loves it, is confined to a seat and we do exciting things like discuss the colour of cars) and then go for a walk in muddy puddles (with the expectation that she will be bored after precisely 3puddles). That is the most I can muster.

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