Quick overview of my situation:
Have been with DP for a little over 3 years, we have both turned 50 this year and have been previously married, have our own grown up DC etc. We have a fantastic relationship and we love each other dearly, he is loving and thoughtful.
We do not live together but see each other regularly; I stay over most weekends etc.
We have recently been talking about buying a house together; my house is on the market, we have viewed a couple and spoken to a mortgage advisor.
Before I met my DP, my best friend and I planned and saved for a 50th birthday trip of a lifetime to New York. When I met my DP, he was invited, so it turned into 4 of us going; my best friend took her DH. We have just returned from this 7 night trip and we had an amazing time. However it was spoilt for me by the actions and inaction of my DP and I just cannot believe he did the following to me:
In the run up to this trip, on two occasions, my DP said to me he may propose to me; the first time he said this I felt it was said off the cuff, I responded that he can't say things like that and not follow through because I would be disappointed if it didn't happen and it could ruin my trip.
The second time about 3 weeks before we went, he was telling me about a conversation he had had with a friend and he told me he had said to his friend he may even propose to me on the top of the Empire State building and that he was confident if he asked me, I would say yes. I said that would be amazing and I would probably cry with happiness.
Fast forward to this last week; we went to Empire State building and no proposal, nothing, no acknowledgement of it at all. I ended up feeling very hurt and disappointed, even rejected.
I decided not to say anything because I didn't want it to ruin my trip.
But my DP reads me like a book, because a day later he asked me what was up. I had to tell him the truth; I was disappointed, I couldn't understand why he had said it and then not followed through etc.
I just want to make it clear at this point that I had no expectations about getting engaged to this man anytime soon, if he hadn't said anything it would not have been an issue for me. The issue is he said it, he put the idea in my head and gave me an expectation, then failed to do anything. He knows that at some stage in our relationship I would like us to marry eventually. I truly thought that with our plans to buy a home together and the recent activity relating to this that this was the next natural step he wanted to take by saying it.
He didn't have an answer for me, in fact he went silent, no explanation, and a biggie for me; absolutely no acknowledgement of my feelings and no apology. Instead he suggested we go to Macy's and he will buy me a 'commitment' ring. I asked what does that even look like or mean and he said he didn't know! This actually made it worse for me and I told him it's not what I want and it's obviously not want he really wants either as no thought had gone into this.
I put all my feelings aside and went on to make sure I enjoyed every minute of my visit. We still had fun together because we are best friends as well as lovers and he is great to be around.
But I had a grey cloud over this and it has made me really question our relationship.
We arrived home to his place yesterday; we talked and I got upset; I told him I felt his behaviour was cruel and I am deeply hurt, even more so because of his inability to tell me why he said it and then didn't do anything, I said if he really wanted to, he would have done it. He said he didn't know if he wanted commitment, wished he had kept his mouth shut and really didn't set out to purposely upset me.
I was planning on staying the rest of the weekend but I made a decision to go straight home and stay there for the weekend. I got up to leave and he was surprised I was going. He asked me to stay the night and I said no. He then said come back tomorrow and we'll go and get a ring. I was gobsmacked! I said no, I'm not coming back, it's not how I want it to be, I don't want this if it's not what he wants too, that I feel he's only doing this to make me feel better, I don't want a sympathy ring.
I left with us both in tears and now I'm at home. The more I think about the whole situation, the more upset and angry I become. I feel hurt, rejected, and cannot believe he has done this to us, I'm still none the wiser.
I haven't spoken to him since, we've had the odd text message, the last one being this morning asking me how I'm feeling. I've not replied as yet, I don't know what else to say to him that I haven't already said.
AIBU to feel like this, am I overreacting?
I just feel it's cruel to raise someone's expectations and then dash them without explanation or apology.