to find it sad that women talk about their DH’a achievements like they are their own

[Curiositykilledthecat113]

On all these “how much do you earn” threads I find it sad to see so many women who gave up careers of a lot of money to be a SAHM and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement. I wonder why it’s always the woman who cares for the children and how so many woman can decide to give up work leaving them in such a vulnerable position if the husband leaves them.

carl
And then they go to Uni in a city you have never explored before and the adventure reaches a whole new level

Fucking hell. I am getting more and more annoyed with every post I read here.

I can talk till the cows come home about most things, as I read a lot.. I imagine most SAHM are the same. My life has never been just my DC or how successful my DH is. I have a life outside of them and, apart from the first few years when I had babies and toddlers, I always have had.

There are people on this thread that look down upon SAHM. I can't imagine any of them being any different to me.

natalia honestly it's been a pleasure. Their burgeoning independence coupled with their excitement and enthusiasm is joyful.

It's so odd them suddenly not being around all the time. But DH and I are enjoying ourselves.

This is such a nasty thread. And I agree that some people think the higher your salary and the more expensive your car and the more expensive your house, the more 'successful' you are.

As has been said already on here, there are different ways of being successful, and having an 80 grand salary or being married to a doctor/consultant etc, doesn't make you more successful at life or better than anyone who doesn't have the same as you.

I knew a woman once who was in middle management in local government, she had a huge £350K 5 bed detached house, she had a 25K car, and she went abroad three times a year, and oh how she loved to crow about it all. Me and DH had the same as her, but on a smaller scale; smaller home, less pay, 7 year old car worth 4K, and a holiday abroad every other year. In addition, I did not work at the time and was a SAHM.

Yet for some reason she was REALLY jealous of me. Everything I did she copied, my hair, the way I dressed, the way I did the garden, the decor in the bedrooms, the same ornaments and paintings, the works... Yet she badmouthed me behind my back, and berated SAHMs.

Long story short, after a friend did some digging, it turned out she was bitter, and jealous of me, because I was married and her man wouldn't marry her. In addition, she was jealous of the relationship I had with a friend I had known since we were 5, and also, she was jealous I had children and she didn't as her husband didn't want them.

So for all her fancy bits and bobs and car and house and middle management job yada yada, she was jealous of ME.

A couple of years ago she moved away and never got in touch again.

I don't miss her.

As a few people have said, I think many women bitching about SAHMs are UBER jealous. I am also pissed off with the assumption that SAHMs do fuck-all with their lives, and are not achieving anything. Bit of a pathetic attitude. It just makes people sound bitter and jealous. Or so narrow minded and lacking in comprehension skills, that they can't fathom how anyone could POSSIBLY want a life different from their own!

There is some fucking condescending nasty shit on here from some women, claiming that they have had a successful career, got a degree, ran marathons, stayed a size 8, dished up cook-from-scratch cornflakes for brekkie every day, and still managed to raise 2 kids successfully too and be the most amazing mother to them.

Bully for bastard you. Give yourself a carrot!

talkin I've been robbed.

DS has gone to my old university and DD is in London where we bloody live ( some of the time).

But I think I know where your DD is studying and it's lovely. Not too far from where I grew up ( though worlds apart).

natalia
I've got one at Uni and one in upper 6th.
I agree with carl that teenagers can be an utter blast.
They look at the world in a very different way and if you use that as an opportunity to assess your own prejudices, life stays as one big adventure.
Just gloss over the "walk in - walk on wardrobe" look in the bedrooms when they come home.

carl
But I assume your DS is in a different staircase and your DD is in different parts of the city
And yes, DD is loving her city even when the river rises
Getting DS his grades is my next project ....

I guess as somebody who chose to be a mix of working and at home I have no axe to grind with what any other parents do.
My best friend is a SAHD
and many of my gym friends are SAHM
but as an accountant know quite a few working parents
its about finding a balance

At my work most of the successful people have a "wife" (either male or female!) at home. That's not necessarily someone who doesn't work but it's someone with regular, child friendly hours, who is back in time to produce a dinner that can be eaten before 9pm. (And when you'll be up at 5 or 6 am the next morning that's generally a major plus.)

Once they're really high up they could probably pay a nanny and a housekeeper. But during the graft to get there? I doubt it! Obviously this wouldn't apply if you didn't have kids until you were a very high earner.

I don't find I need to rely on my career to have a belief in my self worth, which I guess means I don't feel especially like I have to keep my career if I don't want to.

Only hear about the husband who is enabled by his fabulous wife to work all hours in high finance or law

Ex-H nor current DP are in either of those.

I was though until I jacked it in to be a SAHM.

@Bluntness100 - good point about the measurement of success. For me it's tangible rather than earning power

That said, DH and I have just had a child free holiday and it was very nice.

Currently at the air port drinking my 74th glass of wine. Is there anything as dispiriting as the word 'delayed' on a departure board?

@AlmostFifty

I agree that most work is not fascinating despite the demographic on here going on about how they are changing the world with their jobs but those bringing up children or just hey doing not a lot are basically a waste of space.

I have lots of friends, most do work to be fair and some of them full time. I can only think of a couple who have genuinely interesting jobs that I would love to hear about what they do all day, the others sort out people's pensions, cut hair, walk dogs, do admin in offices, TA's in schools etc. None of that would make me love to go to work every day and I know for most of them it doesn't either.

As Natalie quite rightly said above, an interesting person does lots of things and takes part in different conversations, hobbies, work etc to say that you are scintillating if you work and dull if you don't is just ridiculous.

Agree with this post. Most people do NOT have a very interesting job, (despite what SOME women on mumsnet claim!) and even the few who do have a fairly interesting job or career, have a very stressful one. I bet the majority of people bitching about SAHMs would give their right arm to be at home and not have to go out to work at all. But most of them can't afford to!

Saying SAHMs are boring is one the most hilarious and pathetic things I have ever heard. On the contrary, many SAHMs are lovely, fascinating, intelligent, empathic, hardworking, industrious, funny people who have lots of cool and interesting hobbies and interests.

Some people I know who work and have a 'career' are some of the most dull and boring people I know. Because the only thing they have in their life is their job.

And I also reckon that the vast majority on here who claim to have such fascinating highly-paid careers are full of shit, and are nothing more than admin workers.

I suspected from the OP that it was just a SAHM-bashing thread and I was not remotely surprised when it was confirmed.

People have different circumstances, different desires and different personalities. Most of us think that is a good thing. As long as you are happy with your choice, it doesn't matter a hoot if you don't "understand" why someone else would feel differently.

If you're not happy with your life decisions, work to change them but don't attack others. It's transparent and nasty.

There’s honestly no point in having a discussion if you’re just going to make up what other posters are saying?
I never said childcare and cleaning made me indispensable I was replying to another poster who said that they didn’t understand why my DP was okay with me just living off his money. I was replying that he’d be spending A LOT more if he had to pay for childcare and a cleaner. Maybe I’ll just ask him for that wage? Should be about £20 an hour all in all he’s definitely getting a bargain.

ta1kin Good to hear! (My older DD is nearly 9 and just at the stage of finding me a bit embarrassing (I think for reasons entirely independent of my being a SAHM, but you never know ). So I'm hoping still to be on the adventure in a decade's time.....)

I adore being a SAHM. I live the life of Riley and am happy as Larry.

OP you might feel sorry for me, crack on. I feel sorry for your kids if you think parenting them is so unimportant that you might just as well hire someone in to do it.
I'm sorry you didn't find a supportive enough husband to enable you not to work

talkin yeah DS is at a different college and TBH it's years since I was there so it is new.

We're going to see him next weekend and taking DD with us ( and the dogs).

OK splendid it that's let's in a round about way compare Sah to prostitutes.
On top of lazy, bad role models, boring, underachieving. Anyone can look after kids.
Not read whole thread yet so there must be more.
What a horrid way for women to talk about other women.

The consensus that women who stay home to raise kids are boring and worthless is extremely depressing.
Personally I find people who waffle relentlessly about how amazing they are and how they’re soooo much better than everyone else and so much more interesting and important far less appealing than someone who owns their choices and doesn’t need to slag off other people to make themselves feel better.

Is there anything as dispiriting as the word 'delayed' on a departure board?

"Parents encouraged to attend" at a swimming gala. At least in my case! No good excuse as a SAHM and no wine there either....

Glad you had a good holiday, though....hope your plane isn't too delayed.

I do think of us as a company.
In any company, there are those that do and those that earn contracts etc. Sales /production. All different roles, and each person can be replaced, sometimes a silly, sometimes not. But the earnings if the company are joint. Isn't that what marriage is?

I can not think of anyone I have ever met in my entire life where I have had any interest in talking about their job, beyond politely saying 'oh, that sounds rewarding/stressful/interesting'.

I find people who want to talk about their work very tedious and often lacking in confidence. The people I know who have the most impressive jobs tend not to talk much about it.

To clear up confusion about my comment regarding wanting D'S to be safe and happy with parents that are around. Yes I meant that I always want there to always be a parent around. Regardless of whether it's me or DH. Granted as a SAHM it's usually me unless it's DH day off. Then he likes to have a father and son day every week. I grew up in that environment and as a result, always felt happy and safe. I appreciate that not all families and children are so lucky and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have a loving, devoted, hard working and loyal DH. I meant it in the context of, that is what I want instead of say..employing a child minder. As brilliant as I'm sure they are, they aren't my choice. SAHM IS what I'm doing for now, DH is working FT. He's happy, I'm happy, DS is happy.

Easily not silly!

What a silly post op. I don’t know any SAHPs who talk about their partners salary as if they had earned it themselves. Although in theory it is family money and the SAHP has enabled the main earner to work.

Also I know a large number of SAH Dads.

It’s such a shame that caring for children (as a SAHP or childminder) is seen as worthless for some. Turning out well rounded adjusted kids is pretty important for society long term.

Our money is all joint but I would never dream of including my husband’s earnings when answering a question about how much my own earnings are. Why would I? I