Or is my MIL?

[smileygrapefruit]

MIL just rang DH to say his younger brother has missed his last train to be able to get home from uni for the weekend....could he go get him? This would be a 4 hour round trip for DH who has just got in from work. DH said he would talk to me and ring her back. I said it is a ridiculous request and at 19 his brother can sort himself out!! DH agreed with me and rang MIL back but she's making him feel guilty and trying to persuade him. Are we being unreasonable?!

Ravingroo - he didn't want to come home, he wanted to party.

Ravingroo - her husband is her family, why on earth would she not be entitled to an opinion when it affects her family?

"I would ask mil to come round and baby sit over night and then ask got money for petrol and b and b . Then get up 530 to drive back"

What on EARTH is the point of this? If the BIL has to get up to get a 5.30 lift back he can get up at 5.30 for a train, without putting his brother to the trouble of 4 hours driving, the MIL to babysitting, the brother missing a weekend eve at home with his wife and kids.... potty!

And 4 hours drive in the evening at the end of an exhausting week would be something I would do in a proper emergency, or for a planned holiday with spouse and kids. Not because a fit and able 19 year old had missed a train, and had a 5.30 contingency next morning.

Bloody hell, I got up at 5.30 for work trips twice this week, and have kids and a home to run.

So, OP, did he make it?

Sorry with the late update. No, he didn't make it. DH messaged him and he told him he has a big uni party tonight that he didn't want to miss and "don't tell mum".

For those asking he doesn't come back for work every weekend, maybe every other I'm not sure exactly. And yes, MIL is a control freak so probably encouraged him to keep the job at home so she could have her baby back every now and then.
Raving... what exactly would my husband be blaming me for?! Very bizarre.

Good thing your DH didn't go to pick him up then! That would've been a very difficult situation on the way back home

I think your DH should just suggest that he gets a job near where he is now living. and your Mil should keep her nose out

BIL is a big baby and should tell his mother the real reason he doesn't want to come home. The words "I'm not coming home this weekend, mum, there's a party here I want to go to" should be easy to string together for someone who's managed to get A-levels.

And DH should be telling MIL that leaving at 9.00 pm to drive for 4 hours, at the end of a long week at work is a) unreasonable and b) probably dangerous, due to fatigue. And that BIL is an adult and more than capable of sorting out his own travel arrangements.

I'd be minded to tell MIL the real reason, tbh, so she doesn't try and get everyone to run around after him again.

"And yes, MIL is a control freak so probably encouraged him to keep the job at home so she could have her baby back every now and then."

Yes, but he didn't have to do it!

It does sound as if a job nearer to Uni would be a good idea.

We're not getting involved. DH has a very different relationship with MIL than BIL does, she definitely still sees BIL as a child. I think she would have hit the roof with him if he'd told her the truth, if I were him I probably would have done the same, not worth the aggro. He didn't know MIL was getting DH involved.

"He didn't know MIL was getting DH involved."

Well perhaps in future he needs to tell his mum what is going on-not necessarily about a party if he's too scared, but certainly that he can't make it that night/that weekend whatever.

It's not good if he gave the impression that he was stuck & wanting a lift or that he was relying on his brother saying no.

I know it's not good he lied but from what I can gather he just told MIL he'd missed his train so wouldn't be able to get home, I don't think he asked for a lift or any solution, MIL took that upon herself. I honestly don't blame him for lying because she would have been unbearable if he'd have said "I'm not going to work or coming home cos I've got a party".

Bloody hell he needs to cut the apron strings and get s job near uni instead then crack on and party all he wants like everyone else at uni does

He´s only 19 so hasn't´t been grown up for long. I´m sure he´ll work out how to stand up and be an adult with his mother in a while, but I think many students get stuck in a half adult/half child relationship for a few years, it´s perfectly normal.

i was right

I don'y blame him for the 'missed the train' white lie.

So many times here on MN the advice is to keep difficult or controlling people ''at arm's length''. Telling her he'd missed the train rather than risking the whole 'oh you're wasting your life partying' lecture now and every time he might not want to go home in the future is a form of 'arm's lengthing'. I do it with my DM all the time.

It failed because MIL turned it into a pantomime involving OPs DH.

don'y? I've gone all Scottish. Love it!

So instead of being pissed off with her baby who can do no wrong your MIL is pissed off with your DH and you? I'd be accidentally on purpose letting slip what actually happened there!

Laiste
Almost scottish
should be dinny as in do not or gonny

so dinny dae that or gonny no dae that

either way young BIL is an eejit.

As you were folks

Good for BIL - a 19yr old being a 19 yr old.

He deserves to get the sack for not bothering to turn up for work; and hopefully he'll get a closer job (and be a more responsible employee).

But I hope he enjoys his party, because he's 19.

Well, we didn't see that coming did we

I hope that he either tells the truth next time or your MIL realises what is going on rather than badger you and your DH at the weekend though

Sorry with the late update. No, he didn't make it. DH messaged him and he told him he has a big uni party tonight that he didn't want to miss and "don't tell mum".

Knew it
Sounds like something I'd have done at that age!

Maybe BIL actually hopes to get the sack so there's less need to come home to control freak Mummy.
Winner all round!