Or is my MIL?

[smileygrapefruit]

MIL just rang DH to say his younger brother has missed his last train to be able to get home from uni for the weekend....could he go get him? This would be a 4 hour round trip for DH who has just got in from work. DH said he would talk to me and ring her back. I said it is a ridiculous request and at 19 his brother can sort himself out!! DH agreed with me and rang MIL back but she's making him feel guilty and trying to persuade him. Are we being unreasonable?!

I agree, he doesn't want to come home. I'd turn DH's phone off for now so he can have some peace with his curry and beer.

I think he missed the second train because he was never at the station. He didn´t want to come home and didn´t want to admit it to his mother.

0530 is hardly early.... he can lose his lie in and get himself up...

That really is learned helplessness that your BIL is demonstrating. He reminds me of my DB, who is just like that at 50 years old. My DM babies him and used to ask us to help him out. We did, until we’d had enough and started putting our own family first.

Your DH needs to stop letting your MIL guilt trip him.

Reading your replies and thinking about it more i think the most likely explanation is that he had a party he didn't want to miss and gave MIL a shit excuse as to why he couldn't get home. I'd put my house on him not making it to work in the morning.

This is the most ridiculous request from your MIL. How can she think this is reasonable?

Your MIL is ridiculous and your BIL needs telling not to use MIL as his go between again - if that even is what's happening, I suspect he's in the pub and is not coming home this weekend, work or no work.

If he drinks, ensure your poor husband is over the limit forthwith, two beers should do it!

BIL didn't ask DH for a lift. He rang MIL saying he's missed his train and MIL contacted and contacted and contacted DH to try sort it out

He rang MIL to say he'd missed his train home? So MIL rang your DH to say he was to go get him?
Then your and your DH came up with the solution of getting the next one and he conveniently missed that one as well?!
Yeah, course he did. Chinny reckon. BIL is pulling a fast one as he's got a better offer for the night and wants to stay later!
He's 19, for crying out loud. Enjoy your curry and beer, OP's DH!

It's bizarre to me that the communication in DH family has to go through MIL. It makes her sound very controlling.

I imagine if DH had said, OK Mum, I will speak to DB and see what we can sort out, DB would have confessed he was on a promise and swerving work this weekend.

Bet he wasn't up at 5.30!

I know this is irrelevant and so just curiosity - but why does he have a job in his hometown that he has to travel so far for?

I know this was a huge ask and I wouldn’t have been pleased with such a request but do people in RL really not even try and help out their close relatives? Coming up with some sort of solution that might work out?

It seems easy to say on a forum that you wouldn’t do it, but my experience of people needing help is very different to the responses here.

At 9pm on a working night pandora and being expected to drive until minimum 1am? That doesn't fall under huge ask, it falls under taking the piss!

I know you said they're not close, but I reckon a lot of this could have been avoided if your DH has just phoned his brother direct and stop funnelling everything through their mum! Surely they can at least manage a conversation about this?

It seems bizarre to me that BIL travels back to his hometown every weekend. That seems to entail lots of unnecessary travelling. Surely the best thing would be for him to get a job where he lives. It would stop this kind of upset.

Did BIL get home in the end?

I doubt he travels home every weekend to work? It’s half term so maybe he’d lined up something whilst he was here?

BIL was meant to be home for the weekend changed his mind and didn't want to come so rang his mum and just said he'd missed the train.

The mum wants him home so rings her older son to go and get him.

Older son (quite rightly) says no, but i'll get him if he can get nearer.

Mum tells BIL to get the other train.

BIL thinks Oh FFS leave me be!
''Oh botheration i seem to have missed that other train as well everyone''. [can we drop it now]

Mum still badgering everyone trying to force the issue.

Sounds like our family. Mum should butt out.

OP, what happened? Did he catch the 5:30? I'm guessing he 'missed' that one too!

I’d guess that he doesn’t want to come home and go to work.

Working weekends in your hometown while at a uni 2 hours away is strange to me. Surely the train fare eats any wages and he’ll be missing out on having a social life with his flat mates.

BIL doesn't seem to be asking for help or advice so I'd let him get on with it. With smart phones I don't think you should even be looking up the train times for him.

I used to do this for my brother as he often missed trains due to exhaustion. A four hour round trip on a Friday isn’t too much for a sibling. Do you often interfere in DH’s family business? Better hope your dh doesn’t blame you further down the line.

My DC regularly gets up at 5.30 to get a cheaper fare on trains.

He's not in danger or stranded. He just needs to turn up to a station and get on a train. If he's disorganised, the early rise penalty will teach him to sort it out next time.

Time to start emailing MIL with petrol costs. for a 4 hour drive journeyprice.co.uk/

It's the sort of daft demand my own DM regularly made. She saw me as an extension of her volunteer arm to make random people grateful to her. A service she could proffer. I had to start turning down the more ridiculous ones. I think she may have had a touch of dementia developing. If it's inconvenient and doesn't suit you don't do it. It doesnt make DH less of a "good" brother. Just not a doormat.

Why is the discussion going through their mum? Get you DH to ring his brother and tell him to sort himself out!

Another one wondering whether he made other plans and just didn't want to come home.

Ravingroo I wouldn't do a four round trip on a Friday night except in exceptional or urgent circumstances, and certainly not when public transport was available.