Hairzilla.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

The next thread...

Fingers crossed for a nice update for you all.

You've done the best you can in a tough situation hope your real friends rally round as f2 and f3 have.

Agree this is classic fail fuel and might be an idea to delete

Do you know, I get what some folk are saying re things getting whipped up on here and people egging on, but give OP some credit. She's been on here for years, I think she has the measure of the place.

She's clearly a fairly passive person who has reflected and is still happy that this time she took a stand, so it seems to me that if anything, the responses here have helped validate a long-standing feeling that this friendship has long been unbalanced and Friend treats her badly.

Let's face it, if that wasn't the case, would this even have happened? To not even think it was necessary to ask - it's clear how Friend views OP. That isn't a friendship.

There was indeed plenty else OP could have done to keep the peace. It sounds as if that's been the status quo for a while. Roll over, maybe sigh and frown but basically let her friend shit on her.

Sounds like this has been a long time coming. Look at the way other friends have jumped to Op's defence. I think they probably know more about the dynamic than we do.

So do this clearly fairly gentle, non-volatile OP the favour of having some faith in her decisions.

F1 is a CF, OP has handled this brilliantly, she didn't have to offer an alternative prize, but did. I think F1's time on the PTA will not last long & OP is better off without her as a friend, you don't treat friends like F1 treated OP

You sound lovely, OP. Hope today is calmer and less distressing for you.

LagunaBubbles

She's been called a narc 8 times on this second thread alone by 8 different posters

willo that's what I suggested should be sent to the PTA lady. kung and the PTA lady did discuss the updo.

pic
Quite frankly you have your view I have mine. Yes it was on a timer as you put it, the longer my business and my services was being advertised it is on a timer. What give F1 chance too make out Id pulled out of an imaginary offer and get my name and business slated to the PTA. No thankyou. I worked damn hard to get my business where it is.
With no disrespect you keep saying your leaving but then reappear arguing the toss with other posters why my actions were wrong and what I could have done right. In my eyes I did everything right, you cant have a conversation with somebody who isnt answering. I took the shortcut so my name or business wasnt slagged off or so I wasnt pushes into doing something that would leave me at a loss.
I have no regrets with my decision, I can sleep at night knowing I didnt do anything wrong.

Panda...there was plenty else you could have done...none of this was on a timer.

I'd dispute the not being time critical because we don't know unless you expect the op to honour the offer f1 made. Some schools broke up yesterday, ok probably not this one but it wasn't fair to leave the pta to believe they had a prize that didn't exist. The pta may also have needed to act, at the minute only flyers have gone out but for all we know raffle tickets were being arranged with printers. It wasn't fair to leave them in the dark, this isn't just about Panda and f1.

In my view Kung hasn’t thrown away a friendship, F1 has. From the sound of it Kung has been generous in the past with F1 with free haircuts etc but this led F1 to presume on the friendship by offering her services to the PTA. I wouldn’t do that even if it was my DH who could offer that skill, let alone a friend.

F1 could have sucked up the embarrassment once she was found out. She was offered a way out to save face but she chose not to. Because her own self importance and belief she was right was more important than the friendship. As pps have said, the fact that friends 2 & 3 tried to resolve by offering their own money but then are supporting OP suggests that F1 has CF history.

I really value my friendships. They’re really important to value and nurture as good friends are rare. But only as far as the other person equally values them ( not in a tit for tat way but in a respect and not take advantage way). I suspect this isn’t the first time OP has not felt valued in this friendship and it was probably the final straw.

And it could all have been sorted out so easily between them

Yes, IF F1 had engaged over it. Or been prepared to meet part-way. Or called OP to discuss a way forward.

But she didn't. She refused to pay anything. She evaded talking to OP about it (until "Are you donating or not???"). She only contacted OP to find out what she had "sorted".

She said OP was being unreasonable to refuse to cough up the amount F1 had decided OP should donate! This is irrational behaviour, not normal, rational would have been "I've offered a free treatment at your salon for raffle prize, sorry, how much would I owe you for a cut & colour?"

Anyone can understand F1 getting carried away and offering someone else's services, although we all know it's bad form to do that, but it escalated because F1 didn't want to back down or try to resolve it. She was adamant she wasn't paying for "her donation", I've no doubt she would have been happy if the cost had been split between OP and F2 and F3 and she hadn't had to put her hand in her pocket at all.

Imo F1 has soured the whole relationship by her own actions and her strange reluctance to fork out £15. Not OP. OP had plenty opportunity to slate F1 and she hasn't taken it.

Morning KungFu,

I see that CF has probably got some mates landing on here... no surprise there.

I hope that you are doing as ok as can be.

Keep your dignity here as others have said, good that you haven't gotten involved in the FB stuff. I'd suggest a brief reply to PTA member as has been suggested by Lurkingnotlurkin .

Then disengage and let F1 dissolve in her own vitriol, she caused it, you tried your best with her.

Take care, you are not being dramatic or over the top. Neither are you being led by the nose by the different views on here. You have a brain and run a successful business.

It really wasnt a drama over nothing.

When was CF going to tell op she had kindly 'donated her time and money' and took the credit for it herself? When the prize winner came to the shop looking for a freebie? OP would have looked a right plonker knowing nothing about it and PTA would have been getting a much stronger phone call and been left embarassed and annoyed about the whole thing. Plus legally they could have been in big trouble for advertising a prize that had not actually been given. CF woudl have been in a river of shit if that had happened.

Why wouldnt she have asked OP first?

Why did she ignore OP until she thought she was going to be found out at the PTA?

Why did she have time to text other friends but ignore OP?

Why did she think telling op that SHE wasnt paying for the prize SHE donated as it was near Xmas and Op could just bear the cost herself without credit for it.

Its not just £45 though is it? Its having to pay a junior to do hair washing, Ops time and products and all her other business expenses given away for free and op has clearly stated she cannot afford to do that.

OP has said CF has form for 'arranging deals' for people with other businesses, I bet she never tells the person expected to provide these deal first either.

OP could have told the PTA the whole story but she didnt, she protected CFs ass, but she hasnt got the brains to see that and still thinks she is in the right to give away someone elses goods and services for free without asking them first.

It would have all been sorted out if CF had just spoken to op and accepted that if YOU donate a prize you are the one paying for it. Or took her other friends up on the offer to pay 2/3 of it and just stump up the £15.

But apparently her friendship with OP isnt worth £15 so why should op pay £45+ to keep the friendship?

Well Pictish if cf hadnt offer the op services first,none of this wold have happened.

She done right going to the pta,she had to get it sorted one way or another.CF wouldnt talk or answer her texts.What was she supposed to do,send carrier pigeons or smoke signals.

Hash
Sorry misread, got distracted. Thought you meant op and CF had discussed it!

KungFu, I think you handled everything very calmly and kindly. Now the PTA person has contacted you re the Facebook message and asked if you're ok it would definitely be appropriate for you to tell her how F1 had a go at you last night, and how upset you were: but only if you feel absolutely comfortable doing that.

I really hope F1 comes to her senses soon and apologises to everyone for all the unpleasantness she's caused.

OP you've done nothing wrong.

And now PTA lady has seen F1 vaguebooking for sympathy that she doesn't deserve. How humiliating for F1. She really needs to quit while she's behind.

Fwiw (probably not a lot) I think you did exactly the right thing, you needed to act fast both for your business and the school. Also I'm sorry you got so personally hurt by acting in the only way left open to you and I'm glad you have f2 in your corner

Kung if you're normally passive person but are content with the way things turned out here, then I'd say you've been subconsciously moving this way for a while wrt CF. It sounds like she has been slowly wearing down the goodwill and this has been the final straw for you. Completely understandably I might add!!

Kung you've maintained your dignity and imo done the right thing in agreeing to honour your offer to PTA as discussed with them and NOT as discussed with F1 as some on here appear to think.
Don't let certain mners on here wind you up, we can all be wise after the event.
Sounds like you have the support of F2& F3 who if necessary can and no doubt will field any questions from others at the school.

Don't escalate the drama by responding with detail to the PTA chair's text. It's sounding like it's fishing for gossip, or fishing for a reason to get rid of your ex friend from the PTA so don't rise to the bait, and side step the question. The last thing you need is to lose the higher moral ground here and have texts from you to PTA woman as the reason they are now falling out with ex friend.

A polite "Oh, I'm fine thanks. I will post the voucher to the school to save you the bother of coming to collect it - best of luck with the fund-raising!"

I can’t decide whether the posters who feel this is a minor misdemeanour would honestly hand on heart cheerfully go ahead of a friend donated business in a similar situation. Or if OP’s skills and business isn’t seen as quite so valueable.

I’ve had family offer up my skills to their friend who in turn have got in touch saying oh you FIL/H whoever said you’ll do my accounts. I always respond with sure and here’s my rates.

In this case CF, did not get ahead of herself. She donated another friend’s business to the PTA.
She then didn’t bother telling OP even after fliers were printed and out up all over town! If OP hadn’t been told about this ‘donation’ when would she have been told? When some poor embarrassed person turned up to claim their prize?

I personally would move fast to rectify such a situation. OP attempted to contact CF who ignored her, so her only option was to call the PTA to ensure the correction goes thro in a timely manner. It’s half term next week. Most people entering the raffle will think they’re getting a cut and colour!

I really would have done exactly as OP has, maybe not been so kind or offered an alternative and totally dropped the CF in it.

I think Panda has dealt with it really well with the minimum of drama. The drama he all come from CF.

I doubt Pictish is a friend of F1. I suspect she's just being true to form and posting a contrary opinion on a random thread in order to let of steam.

No probs willow
As tempting as it is to let rip on f1, I think kung is better served by being her nice self.
It's not easy to hold your head up high in the face of such behaviour.

TBH OAP I think F1 is crazy jealous of you and that this whole debacle is due to her seething resentment. Or she is unhinged generally.

Oh dear! You cant blank the pta lady! Perhaps reply with something along the lines of “I don’t want to go into detail as I am quite upset following a visit from F1 to my salon last night. However, please rest assured that I will be honouring my gift to your pta and hope that it will raise plenty of money for your good cause. Kind regards. Kung”.