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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hairzilla.

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 19/10/2017 16:52

The next thread...

Fingers crossed for a nice update for you all.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
pictish · 20/10/2017 09:50

Yes...if I had got that text, I would have called her to have a chat. Fancy that.

CruCru · 20/10/2017 09:50

Realistically, the PTA won't be in touch unless one of the members is Facebook friends with F1. Actually, even if they are, they might stay out of what comes across as a spat between friends, rather than a specific PTA issue.

amusedbush · 20/10/2017 09:51

I think you're all being very dramatic about the initial misdemeanor anyway. Yes it was a (fucking) liberty...but a fairly minor one all told. Certainly nothing worth losing a friend over.

But OP did try to sort it out in the beginning and F1 ignored her, then began acting like a total shithead. It was her later attitude that caused what followed.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 20/10/2017 09:51

Morning everybody.

I had a long time last night to reflect. For the posters saying I acted hastily in messaging PTA and HT, I know in my situation deep down i did the right thing. I finally stood up for myself and I am proud of that. The comments about long standing friendship and £45, its all fine and dandy directing it at me, shame F1 didnt see it that way. Even when I found out what she done I didnt kick off, I didnt throw her under the bus with the PTA and still give an offer for a real donation I dont think there is much more I could have done.

F2 left her comment up, F1 must have fell asleep because the comment remained until this morning when F1 pulled the status. F2 was sent a few messages last night/ this morning of a few school mums asking what on earth has gone on. The PTA lady had also commented on the status with " ?? " after F2 comment.

I also woke up to a text of PTA lady, Shes asked what has happened and am I ok?

I dont quite know what to respond to that, as disappointed and angry I am at F1, I also dont want to throw her under the bus. Although PTA lady wouldnt have found out about last had she not broadcasted everything on Facebook.

I will not be pulling my donation, I put the offer forward and don't like letting people down.

OP posts:
LucieLucie · 20/10/2017 09:51

@pictish I take it you have only skimmed the thread and joined up the dots yourself?

Op was unable to speak to cunty chops as she ignored her texts and calls! Did you want her to just roll over and accept she had been volunteered out of a cut and colour she couldn’t afford to donate?

The only person responsible for embarrassing cunty chops was herself. Lesson learned madam.
Never try and show off to others by offering to donate via someone else. It might just come back and bite you on the arse. Wink

lurkingnotlurking · 20/10/2017 09:54

Tell her you're okay thanks. That you're disappointed in F1 but that you appreciate her help in arranging a way forward. But that would she mind picking up the voucher or sending someone else?

2014newme · 20/10/2017 09:55

Glad PTA lady now has full story via f2 FB post. Ironically she would not have if f1 hadn't posted such a ridiculous message. She's made herself look like an idiot.

LucieLucie · 20/10/2017 09:55

@KungFuPandaWorksOut16 throw the stupid bitch under the bus now. You’ve been WAY more reasonable than most of us would have been.

That fb status is asking for it now. You’ve minimised her actions to the pta as much as you could, now they’ll see her for the bullying narcissist she really is.

Take no shit.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/10/2017 09:55

I agree pictish. All this drama over basically nothing. Accusations of stealing, name calling ("a vile, lying bitch", a cunt etc etc) over what was probably a bit of bravado and miscommunication. Presumably F1 isn't an irredeemable horrible person or the OP wouldn't have been close friends with her for years.

TBH I'm not surprised F1 was cross about what happened, I would have been too (not excusing the shouting etc). And it could all have been sorted out so easily between them

Years of friendship lost (plus looking a bit of a narna in front of the PTA and HT) over a haircut.

I don't know about anyone else but I'm very glad I don't live my life at this fever pitch of offence and outrage

Beeziekn33ze · 20/10/2017 09:56

Panda - hoping you're feeling ok, glad you have supportive friends.

I didn't know what a genuine CF was until this thread.

HashiAsLarry · 20/10/2017 09:58

kung you really are a good person.

I would reply to the PTA lady saying something like:
I think f1 is a little embarrassed by her mistake, as we discussed though I'm still happy for offer the updo. Would you like to collect the voucher for this yourself?

As much as f1 may want to drag you down, don't let her. Maintain your dignified air. Even if internally you're screaming.

pictish · 20/10/2017 09:58

Panda...there was plenty else you could have done...none of this was on a timer.

All I can say is that I'm okay with valuing my friendships higher than feeding mumsnet.

Over and out.

Soubriquet · 20/10/2017 09:58

Hope your ok OP

Good on you to honour your commitment

BitOutOfPractice · 20/10/2017 09:59

Now F1 is being "diagnosed" as a narc and the OP is still being egged on to continue to escalate the situation

This thread really does take all the biscuits

Thiscantreallybehappening · 20/10/2017 10:00

Thank you for the update OP and you have hit the nail of the head when you say F1 wasn't thinking of your friendship when she donated your services and through all of this she still cannot see why she was wrong and has never apologised.

I think you will have to respond to PTA lady and tell her that F1 came to the salon last night and give brief outline of what F1 said but you probably don't have to go into all the detail. Also, confirm to the PTA lady that your donation still stands. Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 20/10/2017 10:01

I think you're all being very dramatic about the initial misdemeanor anyway. Yes it was a (fucking) liberty...but a fairly minor one all told. Certainly nothing worth losing a friend over.

Its a major one, and even when she had a chance to sort things by chipping in £15 F1 refused. I dont get views that no matter how badly someone treats us we should forgive them for the sake of "friendship" or a "quiet life". I see people like this day in day out in my job (Im a Therapist) who think like this and it has gradually eroded their self-esteem which causes all sorts of other problems in their lives. Well done OP for sticking up for yourself.

StormTreader · 20/10/2017 10:03

I think you are confusing " throwing her under the bus." with "letting her see the consequences of her actions".

Throwing her under the bus is when you get someone in trouble to try and get yourself out of trouble, it is not the same as making excuses for someones bad behaviour so that they can continue to treat you badly.

You dont need to lie, just be honest. If F1 is like that with you then she'll be like that with other people, and giving the PTA lady a heads up that that is what she is like is not a bad thing.

Dobopdidoo1 · 20/10/2017 10:04

I can feel a fail picking up here...

LagunaBubbles · 20/10/2017 10:04

Now F1 is being "diagnosed" as a narc and the OP is still being egged on to continue to escalate the situation

This is not true. One person has spoke about similarities with narcisstic parents. Thats it. There has been no diagnosis.

HashiAsLarry · 20/10/2017 10:04

None of my friends would have pulled this crap, because friends don't do things like this.

Hypothetically and having dealt with these issues professionally (on both sides on prize arrangements) I'd have no issues with protecting my business if a so called friend was pulling a stunt like this, especially when given sevrral opportunities to rectify. Not sure I'd have been as nice as kung though. On the other side of it, I'd want to know if someone is providing false offers as I've seen the effects of the fall out when an advertised prize didn't exist.

PuppyMonkey · 20/10/2017 10:04

TBF, OP did try to contact F1 first and got told "yes that was her contribution" etc - and then OP tried to call and F1 wouldn't answer phone. OP was panicking that all these leaflets etc were going out stating that she was offering a prize she hadn't agreed to, so wanted to sort it rather than hanging on. Only then did she contact PTA etc.

Not saying the posts didn't get out of hand and I've followed the threads with increasing disbelief TBH. But I think saying the OP didn't do enough to sort it out with the friend first is a bit unfair on her.

scootinFun · 20/10/2017 10:07

Kung you probably want these threads deleted before the DM picks up on them.

GabsAlot · 20/10/2017 10:07

shs thrown herself under it

you at least need to tell pta that u want someone else to collct voucher/make arrangements

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/10/2017 10:07

Lets remember that when Kung emailed the PTA and Head, she tried to cover for F1. She could have gone in all guns blazing but didnt, she said it was a miscommunication and to go easy on F1.

Kung tried to resolve it with F1 but she didnt want to know. She threw a massive strop, ignored Kung.

Then she had the nerve, to go into OP's work place and unleash fury on her, when all she tried to do was amicably resolve a situation.

F1 made things worse for herself, first by ignore the OP, second abusing her at work and thirdly posting it on FB to play the victim.

Kung doesnt need to do anymore talking to PTA or F1 and she'll do the updo that she kindly offered, because Kung is a nice person and knows its not the School or PTA's fault.

Willow2017 · 20/10/2017 10:11

I think f1 is a little embarrassed by her mistake, as we discussed though I'm still happy for offer the updo. Would you like to collect the voucher for this yourself?

WE DISCUSED IT!!!!

CF went off on a tirade of abuse at Kung. There was no 'discussion' whe went postal on her, then posted that pathetic FB status saying she was 'dead to me'.

That isnt the actions of a friend, thats the actions of a bully who didnt get her own way.