Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I report him for not using car seat

112 replies

BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 09:28

I have asked my ex-dp over and over to buy a car seat for our 4 year old ds. I dropped him today at his dad's and looked in his car - no car seat. I didnt say anything but i will message him. Ive emailed, texted and called about it.

Im wondering if he wont listen, if i should report him to 101 and pretend i am someone else who spotted him not in a car seat so they will tell him - then he will listen.

I know i should refuse to let him have him on the weekend, so i guess i will do that until he buys one.

WWYD?

OP posts:
n0ne · 19/10/2017 11:37

We have a car seat that takes easily 15-20 mins to fix to car... It's some Swedish brand.

mirime · 19/10/2017 11:49

He should buy a car seat. We have a car seat for DS, my parents have their own car seat for DS, both good ones with a good score for safety on Which, and my sister has a basic one as she occasionally takes him out on day trips or for if my parents take him to see her on the train. It's not unreasonable for a child to have more than one car seat.

If the OP's ex refuses then she should lend him hers. No, she shouldn't have to, but if everything else is ok and he is a good father apart from this then she just has to do it.

PoeDameronLovesFinn · 19/10/2017 11:57

We have a car seat that takes easily 15-20 mins to fix to car...

Why would you need something that takes so long to install/uninstall? Ours straps in with the seatbelt and takes a few seconds to transfer from car-to-car, if you ever need to.

Of course we've had it for years now and DP still doesn't know how it works, but that's another argument.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/10/2017 12:02

Why is your ds life not worth 30 minutes of your time?
Yes ex needs to buy his own seat but you dropped your ds of without one.

teaortequila23 · 19/10/2017 12:09

Don’t report him just buy a cheap £10 booster and give it to him at the end of the day he’s your child too and u don’t want anything bad to happen.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 12:14

And the point of this thread is what then?

Because he will be using one on saturday to drive him 10 miles...and he does use the car with my ds a lot...fucking hell.

Why is your ds life not worth 30 minutes of your time? Confused

Some weird replies on this thread. Vipers are definitely out today

OP posts:
KanyeWesticle · 19/10/2017 12:17

I wouldn't have let him take your son without a car seat.

I know undoing the one from your car is annoying, but the alternative is risking the life of your son. Car seats are non-negotiable for 4 year olds.

By letting him go, you're revealing that it's not too important to you, and there's no consequence to ignoring your messages.

Migraleve · 19/10/2017 12:18

Some weird replies on this thread. Vipers are definitely out today

Oh come on OP, what’s weird about suggesting your son uses HIS seat regardless of which vehicle he is in?

Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 12:47

No, the other option is he cant drive my son until he gets one.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 19/10/2017 12:52

Op

Just tell him 'non negotiable safety issue' and don't allow him access until you see him strapped in.

Good luck

n0ne · 19/10/2017 12:58

PoeDameron it was the best ERF carseat we could get in the country I live in (not UK). You don't just strap it in with the seatbelt - it has a extendable post thing and a strap that goes around the seat in front and all-sorts.

Anyway, don't want to hijack the post, just trying to back-up the OP. As you were.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/10/2017 13:02

I think you mean our not my.

kali110 · 19/10/2017 13:10

Why should the op have to buy another car seat?
She's already got one!
Why can't the dad go out and buy one for his son!
Maybe she can't afford it?
It's easy, dad goes to get a seat, until then he can't take child out in the car.

SpareASquare · 19/10/2017 13:45

Yes, much better to restrict access. Lucky he gave you an excuse.

It would suck to have to share your car seat. I've been in a similar position. I've gritted my teeth and done plenty i don't think I should have to or just don't want to. Never for my ex-h though. I did it for my children.

Past all that now thankfully.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 18:28

I can't afford one really. I'm on a smal salary of about 14k and paying childcare and mortgage. Whereas he earns about 60k+ so yeah I'm not buying him one.

He emailed back saying he's got it in the boot which I'm Hmm about but I will check tomorrow.

OP posts:
user789653241 · 19/10/2017 18:55

I really feel sorry for you that you need to deal with such a nonsense from your ex.
Child's safety should be the first priority. I would make sure he gets your message.

Skyechasemarshalsfanmum · 19/10/2017 19:02

I would believe him op it seems you have massively orreacted accusing him of not having one instead of asking then this all would have been avoided.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 20:00

Um...he hasn't had one. He must've bought it this week. Saying ive Massively overreacted is ironically an overreaction.

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 19/10/2017 20:16

Erf seats to 25kg (age 6) often tether to the front seats. They also have an extendable leg and are secured via a seatbelt. It’s advisable not to move them around as they are harder to fit and heavy. Fitted incorrectly they will hit the person in front in an accident.

Erf to age 4 are often isofix - easier to clip in and out - but very heavy!

They do not fit all cars - there are manufacturers lists and you can call the manufacturer. They also cannot always be used in all seats in the car. floor storage must be filled with a pack that has to be bought from the manufacturer of the car. So seat 3 may be safe but 2 and 4 aren’t.

Hey he can’t be arsed to buy his kid a £25 kid car seat, I’m not convinced he will ensure an erf is tethered correctly and call the manufacturer to check his car make and model is compatible.

Sorry to derail op.

user1471449805 · 19/10/2017 20:19

'You know me, always wanting to make sure ds is ok - let me see it fitted so I don't need to worry, ha ha!'

or some such text.

quercuscircus · 19/10/2017 21:07

Glad the father seems to have got a car seat now OP. Its awful to think that he wasn't interested in protecting his child.

As an aside, if I were the police I would definitely try to find the time to have a serious word with people who refuse to use childseats; I'd imagine that the last thing any emergency services person wants to deal with is a car crash where a little child is killed or seriously injured, especially where neglect is a factor. So from that point of view, I would definitely report someone and do everyone a favour.

pas0909 · 31/10/2019 19:01

I have neighbours who believe they don't need car seats for a small 7 year old and a 5 year old. He drives with 3 small children in the back seat of an SUV. I've seen the mother holding the baby in the front seat not in a car seat. Not sure if he actually uses seat belts. Who do I report this to or can I report him.

Abby0910 · 20/11/2019 12:02

Was reading up on this because I’m in this situation.. I know this is a very old post, busy would feel better by saying that NO YOUR CHILD IS NOT SAFE WITHOUT A CAR SEAT
A standar car seatbelt can slice through an adult in that type of accident causing that force can you imagine a 4 year old child!
Car seats aren’t there because they are too small to sit a regular car chair they are there to prevent them from being seriously injured or from dying if someone gets into a crash! No car seat, no safety!
Anyone not using a proper car seat for the appropriate age of the child is an absolute joke and has no responsibility or care for the child who isn’t getting in the car without one!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 20/11/2019 12:51

I wouldn't let my kids travel in a car with no car seat - why would you risk that?

Itsjustmee · 20/11/2019 12:57

I bought a high back booster seat last week for my nephew for £30 from Halfords
It will probably only get used once a month if that but I wouldn’t take the risk