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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I report him for not using car seat

112 replies

BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 09:28

I have asked my ex-dp over and over to buy a car seat for our 4 year old ds. I dropped him today at his dad's and looked in his car - no car seat. I didnt say anything but i will message him. Ive emailed, texted and called about it.

Im wondering if he wont listen, if i should report him to 101 and pretend i am someone else who spotted him not in a car seat so they will tell him - then he will listen.

I know i should refuse to let him have him on the weekend, so i guess i will do that until he buys one.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 10:06

Thank you el feckers suggesting i give him my car seat or buy him one?! What a joke.

OP posts:
Migraleve · 19/10/2017 10:06

Firstly regardless of who is responsible for this (obviously the father) I would not have left me child without a seat. So you either compromise and give him the seat you use (given it’s your sons seat that seems quite sensible doesn’t it?) or you don’t leave your son. I’m going to guess dropping off child with seat will be better for your sons emotional stability than suddenly cutting contact because you don’t want to let your ex use a seat. This is just another example of kids being used as a fucking pawn in the adults wee game. Do you strip your son off and make him wear clothes only his dad has bought too? No, because your sons clothes are his clothes regardless, his car seat and ultimate safety are a mere extension of that.

And WTF at 30 mins to fit a seat Hmm

Happyemoji · 19/10/2017 10:07

I would not stop access because it would affect your child. What I will do is get legal advice and make a complaint through your solicitor. Get your solicitor to write a letter.

user789653241 · 19/10/2017 10:07

I'd refuse him to have dc until he gets them. Leaving your child knowing the fact he doesn't have a car seat is as guilty as not having a car seat to me.

RainbowPastel · 19/10/2017 10:07

There is no way it takes 30 minutes to fit any car seat.

Yes ring 101 they will stop him and give him a ticket.

Thingywhatsit · 19/10/2017 10:10

Your child is being put at risk by his father by his failure to use an appropriate car seat whilst transporting him. You are allowing this to happen to your child as you are aware of it happening.

Tell his father that no contact will be occurring until he brought a suitable car seat that is suitable for his weight/height and abides by the current legislation. You would never forgive yourself if your child got hurt.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 10:11

I have never used my children as a pawn in any game actually. Me and exsp get on well, this is only issue, and its a safety one. Clothes arent going to kill him are they. Piss off.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 19/10/2017 10:11

Yes report him, although not sure what good it would do.

Yes it's his responsibility. No you shouldn't have to let him use yours, or buy one for him but also there is no way on earth I would leave my children to travel in a car without a car seat. So I'd buy one for him or refuse access.

ditzychick34 · 19/10/2017 10:11

If you know he will drive without one, and you don't leave yours how will you feel if your child is injured in a car accident?

AJPTaylor · 19/10/2017 10:11

im sorry. i agree with the "why should she?" sentiment. but the answer to that is because its her kids safety.
i couldnt have left like that. you can get a seat for thirty quid. i would do that rather than wait for the police to knock on my door after an accident. how would you live with yoursrlf

Migraleve · 19/10/2017 10:13

piss off

Hmm
KimmySchmidt1 · 19/10/2017 10:14
  1. do you think all the other more serious crimes have been solved? Because it doesn't sound to me like a good use of police time.
  2. do you care more about your child's safety or getting him in trouble? If the former, suggest you buy the carseat and make him fit it. That is the thing that is actually going to protect your child, not a pointless call to the police.
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 10:18

Ive emailed him a strong email that he must buy one asap or he will not have him on saturday. My son sometimes stays with me on saturday so it will not affect him emotionally.

If he still doesnt, ill get a letter sent from my solicitor. Thanks for the helpful advice. I will not give him mine or buy him one.

OP posts:
PoisonousSmurf · 19/10/2017 10:20

You only need a high backed booster seat. Get a second hand one and give it to him. And NO car seat takes 30 mins to fit!
You must be doing it wrong or it's the wrong make for your car.

Migraleve · 19/10/2017 10:21

Your post was condescending and rude, making assumptions about me and my ex - so yes, piss off.

Was it? There was me thinking it was rather sensible to allow YOUR son the use of HIS seat when with his dad. Beats him travelling without one, or not seeing his dad at all, surely that’s the logical solution.

I swap DDs seat from my car to DHs car. This is not because we are in a relationship, it’s because it’s HER seat, she needs it in any car, so it goes with her!

BertieBotts · 19/10/2017 10:21

Dunno, I reckon it's sensible to have a spare car seat for others' cars if your own is such a faff, and I don't see why you wouldn't let him use it in his dad's car.

Sometimes you can take a battle to the extreme where it would actually make sense just to swallow your pride for the sake of the child.

I wouldn't give him yours. I wouldn't trust him to take care of it. But a cheap one? No brainer, IMO. Only if he won't provide one himself mind, and I wouldn't be happy about it, but it's still better than letting your child go without.

pinkblink · 19/10/2017 10:23

30 minutes?? Is stevie wonder fitting it with one arm tied behind his back?

welshweasel · 19/10/2017 10:24

If he refused to buy one then honestly I'd just put mine in his car. I don't believe it takes 30 minutes. Mine is an extended rear facing seat belt fitted seat (apparently the hardest type to fit) and I can have it out of my car and into another in a minute. I do it regularly as grandparents don't have a seat and we sometimes use taxis.

In an ideal world he'd buy his own but there's no way I'd have let my child go off in a car without the appropriate seat, no matter how annoyed I was with the other party.

user1488397844 · 19/10/2017 10:26

Honestly I'd just buy one (I got one recently for £29.99) and next time you drop your son off give him it & say "picked this up for you, its £30" he's hardly going to refuse to give you the money. Also if he says he has bought one you can just return it. I know it seems unnecessary but stopping access and calling 101 seems childish and dramatic. Ultimately you need your son to be safe.

Lapena17 · 19/10/2017 10:30

Ignore pointless comments op. Tell ex he can't have ds until he's bought a seat as it's putting him at serious risk. Leave it at that and stick to your guns.

llangennith · 19/10/2017 10:30

OP I would have done the same as you. If he doesn't care enough about his child to provide a car seat he doesn't get to see his child. Is he generally cavalier in his attitude towards safety?

Katescurios · 19/10/2017 10:38

He's being a dick but I can't understand why you haven't just bought one and given it to n m.

Ultimately while annoying, I would rather buy the extra seat than have my child uprotected in the car.

SpareASquare · 19/10/2017 10:38

So i should undo my one from my car, which takes nearly 30 minutes to fit? really?

Doubt it takes 30 mins.
Regardless, I'd absolutely swap car seats for the safety of my child. Takes 5 mins and I'd know he's safe. Not going to compromise my childs relationship with their father over something that takes a few mins. I'm sure he'll do that all by himself as the children get older but they'll always know I did all I could.

FizzyGreenWater · 19/10/2017 10:40

But it's not just the seat.

They will be coparenting for YEARS. This is a safety issue, and also a 'fuck you I'll do what I like when it's my time' issue.

Which is fine when it's about McDonalds or not, not fine at all when it's a safety issue.

OP is doing everyone one huge favour right now by setting boundaries. Her ex now knows that when it comes to safety concerns, if he's not taking proper care of their child then she won't stand for it. And that's a good thing.

Absolutely she should not set a precedent where he gets to break the law regarding his child's safety and her response is expected to be to make sure SHE takes responsibility for it, pays out herself, and never never never ensures there is any comeback.

Way to go to set a horrid, unequal, bloke-takes-the-piss dynamic that he can exploit to his son's detriment for years to come.