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Original poster

Should I report him for not using car seat

112 replies

BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 09:28

I have asked my ex-dp over and over to buy a car seat for our 4 year old ds. I dropped him today at his dad's and looked in his car - no car seat. I didnt say anything but i will message him. Ive emailed, texted and called about it.

Im wondering if he wont listen, if i should report him to 101 and pretend i am someone else who spotted him not in a car seat so they will tell him - then he will listen.

I know i should refuse to let him have him on the weekend, so i guess i will do that until he buys one.

WWYD?

OP posts:
user1495451339 · 19/10/2017 10:41

I think I would turn up with a car seat at the next drop off and spend time fitting it in so you know it is done correctly. I would also charge him for this. If he didn't pay at least you would know your son is being driven around safely.

callmeadoctor · 19/10/2017 10:42

Sorry, I know it must be a pain. However you did leave your child with him and you knew he didn't have a car seat? If there had been an accident you would always have blamed yourself for leaving him (even if it isn't your fault, you would I'm sure still feel guilty). In that circumstance I would either of a) not left your child or b) let him use your car seat.

whatsleep · 19/10/2017 10:42

For the sake of £30 for a high backed booster I would just bite the bullet and buy one and give it to him. The alternative is that your son will be traveling without one and potentially sustain life changing injuries if he is involved in a crash.

Redhead17 · 19/10/2017 10:44

30 minutes??? Really? 30 minutes is better than severely injured or dead, don't think you can moan about him when you can't be arsed to take seat out yourself.

Tell him seat or he's not taking child it's the law not you being fussy

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 19/10/2017 10:44

Hey don't be so quick to judge the 30 minutes. The cheap supermarkets seats which have weird routing took five road safety officers and i ages to fit on a training course because the instructions were shocking and it was so hard to get a decent install.

OP I have stopped contact in the past because my ex refused to use an appropriate car seat and had ditched the nearly new car seat one I had brought him. I'm all for picking your battles but this is a battle that is absolutely worth having.

What kind of seat is your child in. How heavy is he?

reallybadidea · 19/10/2017 10:51

OP is doing everyone one huge favour right now by setting boundaries

Except she hasn't set boundaries has she? Child is at his father's without a car seat.

CrackedEgg · 19/10/2017 10:52

Easy - he doesn't have access to his child til he fits in a car seat. End of. Let him come to you and spend time at your house with your child if you are a very generous lady but do not leave your child in the care of the ex until he has a car seat.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 10:53

Way to go to set a horrid, unequal, bloke-takes-the-piss dynamic that he can exploit to his son's detriment for years to come

Thank you, Fizzy someone gets it! I have worked so hard to keep my boundaries up with him, and i will not back down and always do things for him. He already only sees them EOW and the baby is 18months old. I do everything. Im not fucking buying him a car seat, when i see he goes clothes shopping all the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 10:55

Except she hasn't set boundaries has she? Child is at his father's without a car seat.

Um..actually he isnt using the car today, he is walking to school as its round the corner. Everyone knows everything on here, dont they!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackMirror · 19/10/2017 10:55

Easy - he doesn't have access to his child til he fits in a car seat. End of. Let him come to you and spend time at your house with your child if you are a very generous lady but do not leave your child in the care of the ex until he has a car seat.

Yes, exactly. He's welcome here anytime and does come over sometimes during the week and over christmas.

OP posts:
reallybadidea · 19/10/2017 10:58

actually he isnt using the car today

And the point of this thread is what then?

GummyGoddess · 19/10/2017 11:01

You wouldn't be buying your ex a car seat, you would be buying one for your ds.

cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:03

Whilst I can understand that you wouldnt want to give him yours, if it's a choice of your child being safe or not, I know I'd rather spend 30 minutes arsing around than my child be seriously injured.

You know your ex clearly isn't bothered about safety so that for me would ring alarm bells over your son's overall safety with him, not just in a car.

sabbath84 · 19/10/2017 11:08

I stuggle a bit with this one as I don't like withholding of access but its not like a pp said "eating at mcdonalda" its a safety concern. And a line needs to be drawn saying this is not acceptable.

I also wouldn't be leaving mine or buying one were not talking lots of money. And again it's the law.
I understand the it's the child's car seat so give him yiurs, but dies that apply for food drink and abything else you wish to mention. And who says he'll use it anyway.

Good luck op I hope it doesn't come down to solicitors but night be necessary.

HelloSquirrels · 19/10/2017 11:10

This is silly. Your son is only ever in 1 car at a time.

Its HIS car seat. Not yours.

If you cared about your sons safety more than your primciples you'd let him use it.

Youve paid for it so surely youd rather your son use it than it sit useless for half the week?

Pickleypickles · 19/10/2017 11:11

I would rather leave my carseat than have my child drive round without one, so yes, you should "spend 30 minutes undoing yours"

SemiNormal · 19/10/2017 11:13

Yes he should have one, but he doesn't. You can either report him and stop him seeing the children, buy him one yourself OR you can allow him to use yours and consider that the children spending time with their father is more important than point scoring and arguing the fuck over the poing it takes time to fit the car seat.

Mxyzptlk · 19/10/2017 11:15

OP is doing everyone one huge favour right now by setting boundaries. Her ex now knows that when it comes to safety concerns, if he's not taking proper care of their child then she won't stand for it. And that's a good thing.

The dad's attitude needs to change so that he takes his child's safety seriously.
If he has got a car seat, as he says, he'll have no problem getting it out and letting OP see it fitted in the car.
If he has no seat, he should not want to take his son in the car, as a caring, sensible parent, and OP should not allow it to happen.

The OP should not have to have years of worry about someone being thoughtless over their child's safety.

BeyondThePage · 19/10/2017 11:15

Are you 100% sure ex is not winding you up and has one in the boot. Would not keep a car seat in my car when it is not in use.

Personally would not be fussed about putting my child's car seat in their dad's car from time to time. It is for the child's safety, not a points scoring match, and shows you mean business.

SemiNormal · 19/10/2017 11:16

*no idea where poing come from ... should read time!

Mxyzptlk · 19/10/2017 11:17

Sorry, misread, he didn't say he's got one.

Migraleve · 19/10/2017 11:25

but do not leave your child in the care of the ex until he has a car seat.

He, being the son, has a car seat.

Wtfdoipick · 19/10/2017 11:26

So let me get this straight you want to report him for not having a car seat despite the fact he isn't taking him in the car?

Skyechasemarshalsfanmum · 19/10/2017 11:30

Have you asked if he has a car seat in the house or the boot before sending the email.

I do not see why he would have it in his car if he was not using it today so you may have completely overreacted about nothing.

ExConstance · 19/10/2017 11:31

If the police have no time to pursue dwelling house burglaries internet fraud and theft cases they are not going to investigate a father with no car seat. Just say no contact until he gets one.