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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there is a group on MN deliberately trying to downplay the institutional oppression of women?

999 replies

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 18/10/2017 08:13

I've been hanging around these here parts since Pom Bears were just a bizarre crisp but more and more I see posters chipping away at other posters experiences, feelings of unease etc. It's difficult to articulate but it's just a shift from NAMALT to women are just as bad so stop complaining. An almost subtle silencing.

OP posts:

BeyondNoone · 18/10/2017 15:04

Quoting I can't remember who, "just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not after you"

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2017 15:05

"Bert, just because you are happy making generalisations about an entire sex doesn't mean we all have to be"

I am not making generalizations about an entire sex.

Laiste · 18/10/2017 15:08

While it's men committing the majority of rapes and assaults men should hardly be surprised when they're treated with suspicion. They should really be thinking twice about approaching lone females for chats. Sad for them, the poor menz, that they can't do what they fancy when they fancy it. It's sadder though by far for all the women who've been a victim of a man and just want to be bloody left alone.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2017 15:08

"I think it’s not oppression in that context. Some men are pretty clueless in reading body language IMO, they genuinely don’t get it. Insensitive for sure, but they’re not trying to oppress you. There is such a thing as paranoia"
And the can't see dust, bless them. And whenever they cook, they make such a mess it's easier to do it yourself. And they'll be more interested in the baby once he's talking.

Why do you have such a low opinion of men?

BeyondNoone · 18/10/2017 15:09

Regardless of agreeing/disagreeing there, plus points for using "sex"

pallisers · 18/10/2017 15:12

Genuine question, do people who identify themselves as feminists actually like any men? Do you like your husbands/partners/sons.

Why would wanting to be treated like a rational human being with the same rights and responsibilities as other human beings make me dislike men?

I like many men and love a few. I expect men to behave well because I have lived/live with men who effortlessly behave very well- my dad, my husband, my son, my brothers in law.

humanGnomeProject · 18/10/2017 15:15

@pallisers

Because feminism is no longer viewed by most to be a fair movement for equality.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2017 15:17

"Because feminism is no longer viewed by most to be a fair movement for equality"

Isn't it? What's it viewed as then?

Skarossinkplunger · 18/10/2017 15:17

I’ve being accused of being a man on here before, and as I type that sentence I realise how ridiculous I sound. Accused of being a man. Like being a man is a bad thing. Anyhoo, like I was saying I have previously been told I was a man (which I’m not) but yesterday was the lowest blow when because I’ve never been assaulted or harassed I was told I was a rape apologist.

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 15:18

Pumper, using the expression 'so basically, to summarise - usually at the expense of lots of important and relevant information.

And no, I wouldn't feel as much of a need to tell a poster SWBU about that statement. Although, if I saw any of the 'all/most men are ' on the thread then I would probably speak up too.

bumbleymummy · 18/10/2017 15:21

Is it oppression if a woman tries to start a conversation with you on an empty platform if you're keeping yourself to yourself and not making eye contact etc?

Bert, your whole 'we just use 'men' as shorthand on the FB argument.

That's also a bit of a disingenuous question to hGP Bert. You started a thread about that very subject a while back.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2017 15:24

Because feminism is no longer viewed by most to be a fair movement for equality.

Some people believe te balance is tilted towards women, and that they have more rights but they can be ignored because they are wrong. If women had true equality there would be an equal number of men and women in parliament, in both the lower and upper house. There would be equal numbers of higher level bosses in the civil service, police, large companies would have equal numbers on boards etc. Men would take a equal share of housework and wifework and the mental load, women would share the financial load equally too. Rates of crimes (for the same crimes) would be equal.

There is so much more to equality than just equal pay and working rights.

taratill · 18/10/2017 15:29

Baroness I agree with every word you say about equality at higher levels of society but I don't agree that 'many men don't treat women as human beings'

I guess the issue is what does it mean to treat someone as 'a human being'?

taratill · 18/10/2017 15:30

sorry I don't think i've phrased that very well, there is obviously more inequality at lower levels of society (before I'm pulled up on that).

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2017 15:31

Is it oppression if a woman tries to start a conversation with you on an empty platform if you're keeping yourself to yourself and not making eye contact etc?

Nope but then it isn't if a man does it either. The oppressive bit is being told that you need to tolerate that behaviour simply because you are a woman

BeyondNoone · 18/10/2017 15:31

"when because I’ve never been assaulted or harassed I was told I was a rape apologist"

Is that literally - word for word - what actually happened? Here?

Pumperthepumper · 18/10/2017 15:38

So, it is semantics then.

derxa · 18/10/2017 15:38

That's also a bit of a disingenuous question to hGP Bert. You started a thread about that very subject a while back.

I can't believe Bert asked a disingenuous question.

Skarossinkplunger · 18/10/2017 15:39

Yes. I was told on the thread I must be wrong and then received a private message telling me I was a rape apologist.

taratill · 18/10/2017 15:41

skaro that's shocking but not surprising I put a threat on the SEN boards about my son having an autistic meltdown and i had messages calling him a cunt who is violent to women. He was 10 and is disabled.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2017 15:42

I don't agree that 'many men don't treat women as human beings'

I don't think that is a comment I made, could be wrong, but if men ( some/not all) treated women as equals then there wouldn't be the issues there are.

Pumperthepumper · 18/10/2017 15:44

I just can't believe there are so many posters who can read about these horrible things that men are doing to women then pull them up because their husband is a nice guy, and the OP should have used less emotive language.

Skarossinkplunger · 18/10/2017 15:47

taratill that’s awful.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2017 15:50

"That's also a bit of a disingenuous question to hGP Bert. You started a thread about that very subject a while back."

I may well have done-can't remember my exact words. Doesn't mean I know what this particular poster means by it, though. Anyway, she was begging the question, so I obliged. So, HGP?

pallisers · 18/10/2017 15:51

Because feminism is no longer viewed by most to be a fair movement for equality.

most who?

Was there a poll I missed?

What is it now viewed as? And where should I look to ensure my daughters grow up in a fair and safe society if feminism is now unfair?

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