AIBU or is DH?

[AnotherGoodbye]

Another one of those petty arguments which has turned into something massive. I need a little perspective and I’m hoping you can all help.

DH and I have recently moved house. Our lovely mirror which used to sit above the fire place is now on the wall behind the couch as we don’t have a fire place in the new house.

Anyway, this evening it dawned on me that the kids could be climbing on the couch and could knock it (they’re not allowed to but I’m just worried incase it happened when our backs are turned).

I explained my worries to DH and he assured me this would be nearly impossible. It’s secured by two screws which he has drilled in which sit on two little hooks attached to the mirror.

I explained to DH that I still don’t feel good about it and I’d like to pop some command strips on there too, just to make it doubly secure. He said that he’d take care of it.

I sat on the other couch while he was busy sorting the command strips. He walked away saying he’d finished and I said “I thought you were meant to take the mirror or picture down from the wall once you stick the strips on and then put it back up later?” He said no, you definitely don’t need to do that. I asked if the insurrections tell you to take the thing down from the wall. He said he’d read the instructions and no, they don’t say that. I picked up the packet and saw that you are meant to take the thing off and there were a couple of other steps he’d missed out. He admitted that he had lied to me, he’s not apologetic at all and he says that he knows it’s secure anyway. I feel upset that he lied. I’m only trying to make our home safe for our DDS (3 & 1) as I spend a lot of time in the house with them as neither are in childcare yet. He literally looked me in the eye and lied to me about it. Am I wrong to be upset by this? He says I’m completely overreacting. The way I see it, there was no point in him putting the strips on if he wasn’t going to do it properly as it now doesn’t give me any peace of mind anyway.

Am I the only person in the world who has no idea what command strips are?

Yes, maybe there are some people who don’t have it and say they do but it’s unkind to say you have no sympathy to someone who struggles with it daily

Thr posters comment wasn’t aimed specifically at you but at the phenonemen that’s its being used as an excuse for poor behaviour on here very very often.

I use those command strips s lot, and to be honest, he doesn’t need to take it off the wall, as long as he positions correctly and pushes they will work just fine. They are however irrelevant if you’ve used screws, as your husband said, which is why he attached them as he did. I don’t think he lied, he simoly did it his own and equally effective way.

Have you seen your doctor about your anxiety and are you getting help?

My goodness. People lie about stupid things: to avoid an argument, so they don't look silly. I would not make a huge fuss because he lied about omitting a couple of steps - is look at why he lied poss because u were micomanaging him

Immediate solution, take the mirror down and put it somewhere safe. That way, your anxiety over it will just be dealt with. I'd be very worried about the potential for danger. I can totally understand, my DD has redecorated her room recently, and left a very heavy mirror that she doesn't want anymore in the spare room which is actually the grandchildrens room when they stay. It would kill them instantly, it is so big and heavy and I asked DD/DH to move it as it's too heavy to carry on your own. It was starting to make me really edgy knowing it was in there, so I turned it on its side, pushed it into our room (no easy task) and it's now under our bed. It's not ideal but at least I'm not worrying about it. DD and DH just didn't see the danger for some reason . Take it down today, and sort it with DH when you're both in a better place over it.

I'm not surprised he lied TBH, command strips will not do anything that the screws don't already do yet he still fitted them there and then OP to try to appease you.

Flywheel you are so on my wave length. He fitted the strips to the sides, near the bottom, to provent it being knocked upwards and off the hooks. Makes perfect sense to me.

*prevent

every other poster has anxiety on here

Well maybe because every other poster has small children and it's extremely common to be anxious when you have small children. Mothers having a super-alert sense for danger to their offspring is/was essential to the survival of the human race. It's not rocket science.

We all love the threads about "what's the most PFB thing you ever did" and guffaw about the stairgate for one step and the rubbing the baby shampoo into our own eyes because "we've all been there" but when someone posts a thread like this then that comradeship goes right out of the window and people get all sneery.

I was exactly like you, OP, when my DC were small. It will get better. What I would have done was to get a handyman round when my DH was out to check it was secure. But my DH is not all that good at DIY to be honest. (His suggestion to sort out a blocked toilet that was flooding the floor was to flush it again. When I pointed out that it would flood even more he said "well, close the lid")

Sorry about your anxiety, OP.

Posting AIBU has probably not helped. It's full of catsbums.

If the mirror bothers you then just take it down for now and sort it out yourself

I also don't know what command strips are....

No you aren't crunch

I'm really baffled how few posters can see the op's POV, especially when you consider the mirror is under the couch, where litle people could bounce (even if they shouldn't) Even if the screws could take a tonne weight, if the mirror is knocked upwards and off the hooks it is a danger.

I think there's quite a lot of DIY ignorance on here. I think it's a reasonable request that something as heavy as a mirror is properly secured to the wall. Anyone who says those couple of screws connecting to hooks in the back are enough is barking - all it takes is someone lifting the mirror off them, which is quite easy even for a toddler to do. I recently managed to unhook mine by accident, didn't notice, and then it overbalanced and fell on my head while I was dusting the skirting underneath. I was fine, just bruised, but it goes to show that the OP isn't overreacting.

The question I have for you OP is: why are you treating this like man's work? If you can follow the instructions on the packet better than your DH, why don't you do it yourself - or do it together? You don't need a man to take charge just because a job needs a hammer or a screwdriver. Maybe get him to do the washing up or some equivalent task while you crack on with the DIY.

However, YANBU to ask for a job to be done properly if your DH is doing it, and YANBU to ask not to be lied to about it being done.

For all those complaining that anxiety is "just an excuse" - here's your attitude in pictorial form, straight from the 1950s.

I can't understand why you'd want a mirror over the sofa. You moved house. There isn't a suitable place for it now. Store or sell. Problem solved.

Kids will bounce on the sofa without a doubt at some time.

Another I will go aginast thebrain and say that YANBU.

There are two issues here

• is it necessary to make the mirror safer? Maybe yes, maybe no. The correct answer from your DH would have been 'Look, i think it's écrire enough. But it makes yu feel better, we have all need in the garage and you can put them on' (or even better, 'I can see it's really worrying you. Ill do it for you so you can now relaxed in the knowledge that the mirror is safe for your dcs')

• is it ok for him to lie to you? NEVER, EVER. By doing that he has show contempt for your opinion. He is also showing that he thinks it's easier to placate you one way or the other. That he thinks you are stupid enough not to see through his lies and his half done job. And that whatever your opinion is has no value at all. He also has proven he can't be trusted.

That's a hell of a lot for just one little bit of DIY ....

No one will ever say that he has to agree with you. But saying yes whilst thinking no and then doing half of the job and lying about it is very PA way of dealing with the situation. And is never acceptable.

I would have a word with him
Not about the mirror. But about how his behaviour made you feel and how young unwill now have issues trusting him (H has done that before and no there are entry of areas where I do not trust him anymore....)

Jesus, whiskey, that's one creepy ad. It's actually pushing the idea that a man has the right to drug his wife. 🙁

And btw, you do not have to explain your request or worry with having anxiety etc...
We all have anxiety and worries about some things. Every single one of the posters on here do (see the fear of spiders for example...).
Whether your request made sense or not is not here nor there.
The issue is the way he answered to your request.

poverty - isn't it just? The idea that anxiety is something a woman needs to get under control so as not to annoy her husband!! I looked it up and apparently NERVINE was made of sedative bromides, and the dose of those that was effective to "calm nerves" is worryingly close to a level that would cause poisoning.

Women really were property, weren't they, whiskey? Though, some men still treat them like that.

If OP, said she had pnd, she would get loads of support, but anxiety? Meh, it's one of those made up illnesses. 😒 Hope your mental health improves soon, op.

If I’m allowed to mansplain...

If the screws are still there and the command strips are just an addition. I think the instruction to remove the mirror before adding the command strips is just for the safety of the installer, not for the security/quality of the installation.

The screws hold the weight, the command strips stop the mirror moving or being jolted upwards, (I think you got that though). Since the mirror didn’t come crashing down on DH than the jobs a good un.

I’d still be pissed at DH for unnecessarily risking getting his wrists sliced open but it sounds like your dc are safe.

That's a hell of a lot for just one little bit of DIY

It’s a hell of a lot to deduce from just the way he attached command strips. Jeez. Over react much.?

I got a joiner in to fit my mirror flush to wall. It's not going anywhere.

I tend to have the view if dh does it he does it his way, I don't criticise as I don't expect him to criticise what I do, if I want it done differently I do it myself or pay a tradesman.

He was dismissive but I can see why. What was the other lie for context?

I think you should get rid of the mirror btw.

I think some people here are being terribly harsh and mean with their replies. The OP just wanted to make sure there was no way it could fall on her young children, and wanted her husband to secure it a little more. It wouldnt have taken long, instead he chose to lie to her about it. And some of you are telling her to take a chill pill? to stop micro-managing him? Whats the harm in being over-cautious? If the mirror (god forbid) did fall on one of her children, what would you say then? What would her husband feel then?

OP - i think YANBU and your husband shouldnt have lied about something that would have taken a few minutes to do. Does he not care that you want it to be extra safe for YOUR children?

I don't know actually if he did lie... the command strips need to be left before using if they are bearing weight - I think in this situation where they are just being used to position the mirror it would be okay to use immediately? May have been why your husband didn't wait.