AIBU or is DH?

[AnotherGoodbye]

Another one of those petty arguments which has turned into something massive. I need a little perspective and I’m hoping you can all help.

DH and I have recently moved house. Our lovely mirror which used to sit above the fire place is now on the wall behind the couch as we don’t have a fire place in the new house.

Anyway, this evening it dawned on me that the kids could be climbing on the couch and could knock it (they’re not allowed to but I’m just worried incase it happened when our backs are turned).

I explained my worries to DH and he assured me this would be nearly impossible. It’s secured by two screws which he has drilled in which sit on two little hooks attached to the mirror.

I explained to DH that I still don’t feel good about it and I’d like to pop some command strips on there too, just to make it doubly secure. He said that he’d take care of it.

I sat on the other couch while he was busy sorting the command strips. He walked away saying he’d finished and I said “I thought you were meant to take the mirror or picture down from the wall once you stick the strips on and then put it back up later?” He said no, you definitely don’t need to do that. I asked if the insurrections tell you to take the thing down from the wall. He said he’d read the instructions and no, they don’t say that. I picked up the packet and saw that you are meant to take the thing off and there were a couple of other steps he’d missed out. He admitted that he had lied to me, he’s not apologetic at all and he says that he knows it’s secure anyway. I feel upset that he lied. I’m only trying to make our home safe for our DDS (3 & 1) as I spend a lot of time in the house with them as neither are in childcare yet. He literally looked me in the eye and lied to me about it. Am I wrong to be upset by this? He says I’m completely overreacting. The way I see it, there was no point in him putting the strips on if he wasn’t going to do it properly as it now doesn’t give me any peace of mind anyway.

[PressPaws]

I think you're getting a rough time here, and some of the comments about anxiety are awful.

I wondered from your OP, before you even mentioned it, if you have anxiety. I recognised it from my own thought patterns. You get an idea in your head - the mirror isn't safe. And it niggles away constantly. And you can't put it aside until it's sorted. Particularly regarding the safety of DCs because that's the most important thing, so your worries are magnified.

Your DH was supposed to fix it so you could put it out of your mind as a potential hazard. Perhaps the way he's done it is fine, but because he didn't follow the instructions the thought is still there - maybe this means the mirror still isn't safe. And you can't let it go.

I wouldn't be ok with the lying either. It undermines and dismisses your concerns. He could've admitted that he didn't follow the instructions, but explained why he thought it was ok - it would then be up to you to decide if you were ok with that, or if you wanted to redo it for your peace of mind.

[MaryMcCarthy]

If you're wondering why your husband was dismissive and thought it necessary to tell a white lie, it's because adding command strips to a heavy mirror, already screwed into the wall, adds nothing in terms of safety. He knows this but doesn't want to call you an idiot for suggesting otherwise, bless him.

[LewisThere]

mary are you sure you can't find ny other alternative than calling someone an idiot when you disagree with them??

Mind boggle sometimes....

[kittensinmydinner1]

I think the issue with ‘anxiety’ is not wether a poster has it or not - it’s the fact that it’s used as an explanation of poor behaviour and as a reason that people should accept the unreasonable... rather than the poster accept that ‘anxiety’ doesn’t make it ok to make someone else’s life miserable, intolerable or to micro manage.
Something makes you anxious ? Deal with it yourself . Don’t push the anxiety on to others to deal with.
See someone about your anxiety- don’t just accept it. Take ownership of how YOUR anxiety affects others.
Your poor DH op...

[LaughingElliot]

Crikey I’d just take the mirror down. It really isn’t safe to have large heavy objects above a sofa which will undoubtedly be bounced on.

[welshmist]

A picture above our fireplace fell off the wall one night, it smashed everywhere, smashed a clock I was very fond of as well. I was just glad no-one had been there at the time. The picture which was a big heavy one was moved. So I would say get rid of the mirror especially if it is above a nice bouncy sofa. Peace of mind is important. When you read stories about tvs and chests of drawers hurting children it really makes you think about safety.

[Arrowfanatic]

To me it's less that he lied and probably pre that as a man didn't read the instructions and didn't know it said that, and then as you were already coming across as a bit ott thought the easiest thing would be to say he checked.

I feel you over reacted, and he was just trying for an easy life. You both could have handled it better. Xxxx