AIBU or is DH?

[AnotherGoodbye]

Another one of those petty arguments which has turned into something massive. I need a little perspective and I’m hoping you can all help.

DH and I have recently moved house. Our lovely mirror which used to sit above the fire place is now on the wall behind the couch as we don’t have a fire place in the new house.

Anyway, this evening it dawned on me that the kids could be climbing on the couch and could knock it (they’re not allowed to but I’m just worried incase it happened when our backs are turned).

I explained my worries to DH and he assured me this would be nearly impossible. It’s secured by two screws which he has drilled in which sit on two little hooks attached to the mirror.

I explained to DH that I still don’t feel good about it and I’d like to pop some command strips on there too, just to make it doubly secure. He said that he’d take care of it.

I sat on the other couch while he was busy sorting the command strips. He walked away saying he’d finished and I said “I thought you were meant to take the mirror or picture down from the wall once you stick the strips on and then put it back up later?” He said no, you definitely don’t need to do that. I asked if the insurrections tell you to take the thing down from the wall. He said he’d read the instructions and no, they don’t say that. I picked up the packet and saw that you are meant to take the thing off and there were a couple of other steps he’d missed out. He admitted that he had lied to me, he’s not apologetic at all and he says that he knows it’s secure anyway. I feel upset that he lied. I’m only trying to make our home safe for our DDS (3 & 1) as I spend a lot of time in the house with them as neither are in childcare yet. He literally looked me in the eye and lied to me about it. Am I wrong to be upset by this? He says I’m completely overreacting. The way I see it, there was no point in him putting the strips on if he wasn’t going to do it properly as it now doesn’t give me any peace of mind anyway.

[Arrowfanatic]

To me it's less that he lied and probably pre that as a man didn't read the instructions and didn't know it said that, and then as you were already coming across as a bit ott thought the easiest thing would be to say he checked.

I feel you over reacted, and he was just trying for an easy life. You both could have handled it better. Xxxx

[welshmist]

A picture above our fireplace fell off the wall one night, it smashed everywhere, smashed a clock I was very fond of as well. I was just glad no-one had been there at the time. The picture which was a big heavy one was moved. So I would say get rid of the mirror especially if it is above a nice bouncy sofa. Peace of mind is important. When you read stories about tvs and chests of drawers hurting children it really makes you think about safety.

[LaughingElliot]

Crikey I’d just take the mirror down. It really isn’t safe to have large heavy objects above a sofa which will undoubtedly be bounced on.

[kittensinmydinner1]

I think the issue with ‘anxiety’ is not wether a poster has it or not - it’s the fact that it’s used as an explanation of poor behaviour and as a reason that people should accept the unreasonable... rather than the poster accept that ‘anxiety’ doesn’t make it ok to make someone else’s life miserable, intolerable or to micro manage.
Something makes you anxious ? Deal with it yourself . Don’t push the anxiety on to others to deal with.
See someone about your anxiety- don’t just accept it. Take ownership of how YOUR anxiety affects others.
Your poor DH op...

[LewisThere]

mary are you sure you can't find ny other alternative than calling someone an idiot when you disagree with them??

Mind boggle sometimes....

[MaryMcCarthy]

If you're wondering why your husband was dismissive and thought it necessary to tell a white lie, it's because adding command strips to a heavy mirror, already screwed into the wall, adds nothing in terms of safety. He knows this but doesn't want to call you an idiot for suggesting otherwise, bless him.

[PressPaws]

I think you're getting a rough time here, and some of the comments about anxiety are awful.

I wondered from your OP, before you even mentioned it, if you have anxiety. I recognised it from my own thought patterns. You get an idea in your head - the mirror isn't safe. And it niggles away constantly. And you can't put it aside until it's sorted. Particularly regarding the safety of DCs because that's the most important thing, so your worries are magnified.

Your DH was supposed to fix it so you could put it out of your mind as a potential hazard. Perhaps the way he's done it is fine, but because he didn't follow the instructions the thought is still there - maybe this means the mirror still isn't safe. And you can't let it go.

I wouldn't be ok with the lying either. It undermines and dismisses your concerns. He could've admitted that he didn't follow the instructions, but explained why he thought it was ok - it would then be up to you to decide if you were ok with that, or if you wanted to redo it for your peace of mind.

[MargotsDevil]

I don't know actually if he did lie... the command strips need to be left before using if they are bearing weight - I think in this situation where they are just being used to position the mirror it would be okay to use immediately? May have been why your husband didn't wait.

[midnightmisssuki]

I think some people here are being terribly harsh and mean with their replies. The OP just wanted to make sure there was no way it could fall on her young children, and wanted her husband to secure it a little more. It wouldnt have taken long, instead he chose to lie to her about it. And some of you are telling her to take a chill pill? to stop micro-managing him? Whats the harm in being over-cautious? If the mirror (god forbid) did fall on one of her children, what would you say then? What would her husband feel then?

OP - i think YANBU and your husband shouldnt have lied about something that would have taken a few minutes to do. Does he not care that you want it to be extra safe for YOUR children?

[RJnomore1]

I got a joiner in to fit my mirror flush to wall. It's not going anywhere.

I tend to have the view if dh does it he does it his way, I don't criticise as I don't expect him to criticise what I do, if I want it done differently I do it myself or pay a tradesman.

He was dismissive but I can see why. What was the other lie for context?

I think you should get rid of the mirror btw.

[Bluntness100]

That's a hell of a lot for just one little bit of DIY

It’s a hell of a lot to deduce from just the way he attached command strips. Jeez. Over react much.?

[NewDaddie]

If I’m allowed to mansplain...

If the screws are still there and the command strips are just an addition. I think the instruction to remove the mirror before adding the command strips is just for the safety of the installer, not for the security/quality of the installation.

The screws hold the weight, the command strips stop the mirror moving or being jolted upwards, (I think you got that though). Since the mirror didn’t come crashing down on DH than the jobs a good un.

I’d still be pissed at DH for unnecessarily risking getting his wrists sliced open but it sounds like your dc are safe.

[PovertyPain]

Women really were property, weren't they, whiskey? Though, some men still treat them like that.

If OP, said she had pnd, she would get loads of support, but anxiety? Meh, it's one of those made up illnesses. 😒 Hope your mental health improves soon, op.

[whiskyowl]

poverty - isn't it just? The idea that anxiety is something a woman needs to get under control so as not to annoy her husband!! I looked it up and apparently NERVINE was made of sedative bromides, and the dose of those that was effective to "calm nerves" is worryingly close to a level that would cause poisoning.

[LewisThere]

And btw, you do not have to explain your request or worry with having anxiety etc...
We all have anxiety and worries about some things. Every single one of the posters on here do (see the fear of spiders for example...).
Whether your request made sense or not is not here nor there.
The issue is the way he answered to your request.

[PovertyPain]

Jesus, whiskey, that's one creepy ad. It's actually pushing the idea that a man has the right to drug his wife. 🙁

[LewisThere]

Another I will go aginast thebrain and say that YANBU.

There are two issues here

• is it necessary to make the mirror safer? Maybe yes, maybe no. The correct answer from your DH would have been 'Look, i think it's écrire enough. But it makes yu feel better, we have all need in the garage and you can put them on' (or even better, 'I can see it's really worrying you. Ill do it for you so you can now relaxed in the knowledge that the mirror is safe for your dcs')
  

• is it ok for him to lie to you? NEVER, EVER. By doing that he has show contempt for your opinion. He is also showing that he thinks it's easier to placate you one way or the other. That he thinks you are stupid enough not to see through his lies and his half done job. And that whatever your opinion is has no value at all. He also has proven he can't be trusted.
  

That's a hell of a lot for just one little bit of DIY ....

No one will ever say that he has to agree with you. But saying yes whilst thinking no and then doing half of the job and lying about it is very PA way of dealing with the situation. And is never acceptable.

I would have a word with him
Not about the mirror. But about how his behaviour made you feel and how young unwill now have issues trusting him (H has done that before and no there are entry of areas where I do not trust him anymore....)

[FluffyWhiteTowels]

I can't understand why you'd want a mirror over the sofa. You moved house. There isn't a suitable place for it now. Store or sell. Problem solved.

Kids will bounce on the sofa without a doubt at some time.

[whiskyowl]

I think there's quite a lot of DIY ignorance on here. I think it's a reasonable request that something as heavy as a mirror is properly secured to the wall. Anyone who says those couple of screws connecting to hooks in the back are enough is barking - all it takes is someone lifting the mirror off them, which is quite easy even for a toddler to do. I recently managed to unhook mine by accident, didn't notice, and then it overbalanced and fell on my head while I was dusting the skirting underneath. I was fine, just bruised, but it goes to show that the OP isn't overreacting.

The question I have for you OP is: why are you treating this like man's work? If you can follow the instructions on the packet better than your DH, why don't you do it yourself - or do it together? You don't need a man to take charge just because a job needs a hammer or a screwdriver. Maybe get him to do the washing up or some equivalent task while you crack on with the DIY.

However, YANBU to ask for a job to be done properly if your DH is doing it, and YANBU to ask not to be lied to about it being done.

For all those complaining that anxiety is "just an excuse" - here's your attitude in pictorial form, straight from the 1950s.

[Flywheel]

I'm really baffled how few posters can see the op's POV, especially when you consider the mirror is under the couch, where litle people could bounce (even if they shouldn't) Even if the screws could take a tonne weight, if the mirror is knocked upwards and off the hooks it is a danger.

[Hoppinggreen]

No you aren't crunch

[Shoxfordian]

If the mirror bothers you then just take it down for now and sort it out yourself

I also don't know what command strips are....

[LineysRun]

Sorry about your anxiety, OP.

Posting AIBU has probably not helped. It's full of catsbums.

[BalloonSlayer]

every other poster has anxiety on here

Well maybe because every other poster has small children and it's extremely common to be anxious when you have small children. Mothers having a super-alert sense for danger to their offspring is/was essential to the survival of the human race. It's not rocket science.

We all love the threads about "what's the most PFB thing you ever did" and guffaw about the stairgate for one step and the rubbing the baby shampoo into our own eyes because "we've all been there" but when someone posts a thread like this then that comradeship goes right out of the window and people get all sneery.

I was exactly like you, OP, when my DC were small. It will get better. What I would have done was to get a handyman round when my DH was out to check it was secure. But my DH is not all that good at DIY to be honest. (His suggestion to sort out a blocked toilet that was flooding the floor was to flush it again. When I pointed out that it would flood even more he said "well, close the lid")

[AnotherGoodbye]

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