For hating school behaviour charts ?

[angrymumma]

My DS is in Y6.
His self esteem is rock bottom because of the new reward chart introduced by school ?
He's bottom of the entire class.
I don't pretend my boy is a perfect pupil. He's not. He's a 10 year old that's trying his best to navigate his faults. He's naturally fidgety. He is a July baby so one of the youngest. He has a very active mind that's engaged by practical interactions but SATS we are already getting tests after tests and a normally very happy boy feels in adequate less than half a term in.
Some kids are running round finding jobs to collect these 'rewards' to move them up the class rankings. I'm not bothered about him being bottom of the class. I know him and his work ethos. I'm the first one to admit he's not perfect but he's certainly not a rebel! I'm hurting for him :( you can collect them for extra homework but he already has SATS books, reading to complete, I have a 10 part project as extra which he's too tired to do so I'm not forcing him and this would get him extra points! As well as footy and friends/chill out to fit in for his mental breaks from education.

He's not naughty, he's polite & caring, hardworking but not fast. His mind is often away with the fairies but that's him. He's always been like this but he's top group for main subjects, surely it should be about getting him engaged and not making him feel so low by non recognition for not being fast or first, I fully appreciate teachers and the stress they are under for behaviour and results. I have lots of teacher friends. It's like he's not a person anymore, instead its competing 20 Y6's who's best. From cleaning up class rooms to test results and everything in between !
I always say just try your best! That's all I ask but he is and he's still bottom!
He never gets star of the week. Awards etc the dinner ladies love him gets loads of dinner awards for being polite/helping etc.

We used to have such a simple personal reward system now everything's so public and open.

Is it just me that doesn't like it?
Definitely having a word with school as he said he just doesn't feel good enough. He's shutting down, even the teacher contacted to say he's not trying this week. After a heart to heart this is the reason!
I've noticed he was getting really angry at home too. Luckily I've got parents evening soon and a fantastic open door policy so can raise the question !

Sorry for long post. Always scared of negativity of opinions so bit worried about posting ! ( I suffer anxiety so don't need to feel like a shit parent on top 😂) I think I over think things but I hate seeing him upset!

Awww @londonista big well done from me! Yes yes yes ! If he got one off the bottom I think he would springboard that he can do it !
He just can’t get off the bloody bottom!
He’s trying so hard!
He’s got the crappy school play part, he never gets on School Council etc etc all that is part of learning to except you don’t always get what you want but constantly reminded you are bottom is a step to far, esp as he tries. He really tries to the point of tears.

I do hear the “so & so plays the system” I just keep it quietly to myself. This is the root of the problem
How are they playing the system?

What a hideously competitive world we live in. Your son sounds lovely.

It’s so hard to watch. I definitely think kids could do with being more resilient but equally, you’re completely right, one small boost could be all he needs.

You know what I say to my son? Head held high all the time. It is my number one rule for him. He is, and will always be my number one. While he’s only 9, he’s happy with that, but pretty soon he will want more assurance from peers as well.

OP I would take heart from the fact he still wants to try!

He really does I appreciate your words but the harder he tries the higher above him they go as they are also still accumulating points and he can’t catch up to then beat there points. So he constantly at the bottom not through lack of effort . He is now at the point of not wanting to engage as there’s ‘no point’ it’s that I don’t want him to loose. He could easily pass his SATs on his intelligence it’s loosing the will to do so . I need to get his confidence back up in school. My words are try your best. He is and he feels like he is still failing but he feels like he is failing me and he’s not. He is actually making me prouder by being able to express his feelings and wanting to better himself. He just can’t beat the points to see the results.

So just to get this straight.... Each kid is pitted against his or her classmates. The way to succeed is to please teacher by doing jobs?

This is horrible for all the children, not just the poor kid that gets stuck at the bottom for whatever reason they're there. I was the sort of child who was always at the top of these rankings - I was an anxious mess, and exam rankings and behaviour rankings just reinforced my anxieties and have led to me having years of therapy as a result.

Now that won't be the case for every child, of course - but it will for plenty, and it's miserable for the kids that can't get out of the middle or see their peers creating such a huge gap that they can't even hope to get out of the bottom half.

There's plenty of time for that bollocks when children are adults, I just don't see what any one would take from this.

Lumping all sorts of behaviour together is dreadful too - slow and steady kids who put out at lunch will never get to the top of a general one but they might well win points on a separate "being active" or "kind to others" chart, if they have to be used at all.

Play out. Children who play out at lunch. Jesus, what a typo.

Yes and on work.
Work outside school.
Reading etc

You can update teachers of accomplishments outside school ie football/ karate / swimming any badges or belts or wins etc they can award points too ( I believe )
He reads. Does all expected homework. Follows the rules. ( except his pen tapping habit ) cleans, is helpful and polite and still bottom.

It’s the extra points he misses from the jobs as he is in class longer to complete his work as he is slower to ensure it’s right.

We will complete the 10 part task during the holidays to try get him higher.

All I see is will this get him points at school !
I just want to read a book with him and enjoy it! Not force him to do another 10 pages as it will get him extra points.

I hope I’m coming across right. I encourage but not force . Where some parents must force. I’ve seen the chart some have hundreds and only been in less than half a term. I honestly think they come home from school update the teacher every ten minutes and work on homework and reading until bed. I feel for the teachers trying to keep up he does everything expected and does extra when he’s free I.e reading or a drawing to practice his motor skills in his handwriting keeping in the lines and proper handwriting practice but I also need a fun game of cludo of a bike ride with them but that doesn’t get points :(

@HermionesRightHook yes! I can’t imagine the fear of failure for loosing top spot either!
It should be private imo

It is sad that so many children are being punished for "not paying attention" when they might actually not be able to. So many of the things described are classic signs of ADHD or other SpLDs, and diagnosis isn't always an easy thing to access, let alone help for these children once they are diagnosed. A fidget can be helpful, even to children who don't have severe ADHD. Clicking or tapping can be distracting for others, but perhaps the answer is to suggest a less distracting fidget not to try to punish the fidgeting away.

It does sound a bit overly competitive with all the racing to do the most tasks outside school. Have you managed to make an appointment to speak with the teacher about it?

This system hurts children of all behaviours I think - DD2 is good as gold. She sits really nicely, and she is sweet, hardworking and quiet, but nothing she did could get her "star of the week" in her old school because it always went to the child who had made the most effort to improve - meaning the "good" children were routinely ignored.

She felt increasingly low about it, to the point of crying on a Friday after school because she couldn't understand how her best was never good enough, when children she could see behaving badly during the week were getting it (presumably because they were trying to improve etc.).

I had an emphatic word with the teacher about it, and she magically got star of the week that Friday and was over the moon.

I realise that teachers have their own plans in mind when the introduce these things, but as many posters have said above, it can have unexpected and negative results on self-esteem and motivation across the whole class.

It’s odd, to start with you said ‘Because he won’t go round looking for jobs and sucking eggs at lunch time. He would rather be out with his friends. Y’know be a kid !’

But now he’s a hard done by student who can’t go out litter-picking at lunchtime because he is diligently completing work to the highest possible standard.

And yet he is consistently and persistently bottom for behaviour and isn’t trying at all according to the teacher.

Hopefully it will become clearer what's going on once op has spoken to the teacher.

I’ve never said he’s hard done too , I dare not say again where I care where he comes on the list as I come across that he doesn’t care or that I don’t.
When we both really do.

No he doesn’t run around looking for jobs as he does like to play out when he’s got the chance.

I’m not criticising other kids . I’ve said I applaud them for doing well.

I will leave it now. I’ve gotten the general concept in opinions certainly a slight teacher/parent divide.

I don’t think I’m being inappropriate for expressing a concern of my DS being publicly humiliated day in day out he’s not good enough to go higher. He could come in tap dancing while balancing SATs books on his head the way he feels and not move up.

We should be engaging pupils not making public list who’s better than who. It’s a private matter between pupil/Home/teacher. Not school and every tradesman that walks in to do work.

Yes he needs to shake up to compete in doing extra jobs when he gets the free time but that’s the problem it shouldn’t be a competition.

He’s funny caring sweet intelligent pen tapper that’s a drain on teachers ears

Thanks for the useful advice and the ones for not bashing a very bright down hearted little boy.

Onwards and upwards son !

I don't like the ladder aspect to it. There's no need for any child to be at the bottom of the ladder for completing jobs. Nor at the top. A cloud system works well. As does a regular clearing of the board. Could you maybe ask the teacher if it would be possible for the scores to be recorded every half term then wiped. And come the first day of next term your son starts at the top with the same score of 0.

His extra effort at his work should be rewarded imho. He does need to speed up from the sound of it and maybe work on some silent fidget techniques which may be causing him to stand out as a bit annoying. You may say he isn't swinging from the rafters but if the other 19 aren't then maybe his fidgeting is the most distracting thing in the class

I mean I care he does well. If he’s bottom off the list still hitting targets. Still being helpful and caring polite I don’t think I’ve failed as a parent.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying anything bad about him.

I'm just saying like you said there's 20 kids maybe something as innocuous as his fidgeting is the naughtiest thing in the class room. Plus it will only benefit him to have silent fidget techniques in case his secondary school actually punish him for it.

If everyone was back at 0 and he was at the top of the board you could re motivate him with a simple. It's yours to lose now. See how high you can stay. If he falls drastically again then maybe meeting with the teacher to ask where he can improve.

But also if you would rather he just focused as he was just teach him that the reward chart is a tool for those that are motivated by competition and that it's up to him if he wants to compete