For hating school behaviour charts ?

[angrymumma]

My DS is in Y6.
His self esteem is rock bottom because of the new reward chart introduced by school ?
He's bottom of the entire class.
I don't pretend my boy is a perfect pupil. He's not. He's a 10 year old that's trying his best to navigate his faults. He's naturally fidgety. He is a July baby so one of the youngest. He has a very active mind that's engaged by practical interactions but SATS we are already getting tests after tests and a normally very happy boy feels in adequate less than half a term in.
Some kids are running round finding jobs to collect these 'rewards' to move them up the class rankings. I'm not bothered about him being bottom of the class. I know him and his work ethos. I'm the first one to admit he's not perfect but he's certainly not a rebel! I'm hurting for him :( you can collect them for extra homework but he already has SATS books, reading to complete, I have a 10 part project as extra which he's too tired to do so I'm not forcing him and this would get him extra points! As well as footy and friends/chill out to fit in for his mental breaks from education.

He's not naughty, he's polite & caring, hardworking but not fast. His mind is often away with the fairies but that's him. He's always been like this but he's top group for main subjects, surely it should be about getting him engaged and not making him feel so low by non recognition for not being fast or first, I fully appreciate teachers and the stress they are under for behaviour and results. I have lots of teacher friends. It's like he's not a person anymore, instead its competing 20 Y6's who's best. From cleaning up class rooms to test results and everything in between !
I always say just try your best! That's all I ask but he is and he's still bottom!
He never gets star of the week. Awards etc the dinner ladies love him gets loads of dinner awards for being polite/helping etc.

We used to have such a simple personal reward system now everything's so public and open.

Is it just me that doesn't like it?
Definitely having a word with school as he said he just doesn't feel good enough. He's shutting down, even the teacher contacted to say he's not trying this week. After a heart to heart this is the reason!
I've noticed he was getting really angry at home too. Luckily I've got parents evening soon and a fantastic open door policy so can raise the question !

Sorry for long post. Always scared of negativity of opinions so bit worried about posting ! ( I suffer anxiety so don't need to feel like a shit parent on top 😂) I think I over think things but I hate seeing him upset!

Children who do as they are asked most of the time and offer to help the teacher aren't "robots" or "perfect" or "angels". They are just decently behaved kids who try their best.

The way you speak about the other children is very unpleasant, OP. Maybe your son has caught on to that.

I would have a word with the school.

However, I would say two things

• This is a new system, and I wouldn't worry too much - things will probably settle down. I would, however, have a word with the teacher and ask whether there could be rewards worked in for persistence and endeavour, not just "fast and first" behaviour. Because those things matter, probably more than giftedness, in life. That said, exams do require a degree of speed - so this system may be helpfully highlighting a problem that needs solving here.
• However if the situation persists, it could actually be useful. A child who is persistently bottom of a chart like this (I mean over months, not a couple of weeks) is probably showing some signs that additional support is needed. It sounds as though points are being given for things that aren't intellectual but socially caring, like tidying up on behalf of everyone, yet your son isn't participating in these - why not? It doesn't chime with what you say about him being helpful and caring - is there something going on where he doesn't feel comfortable helping in the classroom, but does in the dining hall?
• And a view from the other side: at school, I was quite a way ahead of my peers in every subject. I was forced to sit next to children who were struggling throughout primary school - I was supposed to stabilise their behaviour, and it was judged that I was far enough ahead of my peers that it wouldn't matter if my education took a hit to support them. None of these were pathologically bad kids, but they had no attention span, no ability to concentrate, and no sense of proper boundaries. They would have benefitted from actual interventions to deal with those issues, rather than expecting a peer to have to handle with the constant fidgeting, pen clicking, and inability to focus on anything at hand etc. I resented it deeply at the time, as I never got to sit with my own friends (which was socially isolating) and was constantly expected to babysit kids who were underperforming so that the kids who were average could get on with their work undisturbed. But the main point I want to make is that this didn't help the kids who were bottom of the class either. A 9 year old can't possibly deliver an educational curriculum well enough to support a peer - it was a total copout. I used to get frustrated that I couldn't make these other children understand, no matter how hard I tried - and while I was bored, I can't even imagine how bad and upset it made them feel. These kids needed proper additional support, from a TA, and they suffered because it wasn't offered.

Thank you
I completely understand your point of views.
It is on timings he’s often kept in to complete work to as he does focus on doing it right.

My point on chill out is that he does activities out of school too which I think is good for his health physically & mentally.

I get as teachers tapping is fidgety.
School stopped all fidget things inc blue tac unless SEN

School is very approachable. That’s not an issue. I’m actual one not to offend teachers. End of the day you trained to look after and teach these kids in an education setting . I didn’t hence I asked if I was wrong.

I’m the first person to support School if he’s broken any rules. But he’s not breaking rules. He follows rules yes any child pushes boundaries now and again. Hence the not perfect comment. It’s the public issue. I personally think it’s private. You have private appraisals at work.
I think reward charts are an asset but this is a new system and I just don’t think it’s right for a primary setting being public. Private great. He’s not engaging as he’s trying and he’s seeing no reward. Just kids that go litter picking at lunch when he’s in catching up on work due to trying to be correct.

I hope I’m coming across better. He’s is lovely polite, well mannered boy that does lack some focus ( that I am aware but his brain is more hands on than sat writing sum upon sum ) but I understand this is the year for it and we are working on that. I do care. I care a lot. But I also care how low this is making him feel

If there are 20 kids in his class then surely several of them have not got start of the week yet, as there have only been 7-8 weeks of school?

Honestly, your post is coming across very much like you are avoiding dealing with whatever is really behind your son's attitude.

re the fast working, its a good opportunity to learn that he doesn't have to complete everything "perfectly", but to get on with it.

If he wants to go up the charts he needs to do those extra little jobs. Another good opportunity to learn that sometimes we have to go the extra mile.

You are getting me wrong . They arnt just following instructions, they just run and independently find extra jobs, volunteer first but my DS constantly in missing these opportunities as he’s concentrating hard on handwriting and working out ( he does most in his head but SATs need the working out. It’s making him slower) . He follows instructions. It’s not rewarding good behaviour it’s rewarding the ones who want to run around litter picking at lunch, while he’s working in a classroom hence the loss of engagement

I meant the tapping re robot. Yes it’s annoying, yes it’s disruptive I am agreeing with you but he’s not swinging from the ceiling or being naughty. His brain just needs something to do. This is something I expect him to not gain points on. This will make him learn not to do it.

I am pleased for other children and expect him to follow rules. I don’t have a bad attitude towards other children & learning. I have a positive attitude. I just don’t like the fact it’s making him feel so low. How is that appalling?

But if the new system is working to motivate 19 out of 20 then overall it isn’t flawed is it? Sounds like in the whole if the majority are engaging it’s working well.

You need to discuss with the teacher the issue around him not finishing work not just take his word for it. Unless the teacher has unreasonable expectations (just for him?) then there is no reason he shouldn’t be finishing a suitable amount of work in most lessons.

I have done. He finds handwriting hard. They have known this for 4 years they had him. He goes slower to get it correct or he gets kept in for messy work he can’t win.

It sounds like the teacher could do with introducing a few other ways to earn points. A made great progress and fantastic effort, for example.

The pencil tapping thing, as others have mentioned, is disruptive. I taught secondary before primary and low level disruption (pen clicking and pencil tapping being the two of samples used during inset training) was a warning followed by going through the consequences system. For pupils where it was a habit they had got into - it seemed like they didn’t even know they were doing it. We had a three warnings then detention policy. As your son is Y6, it would be better if he could change the behaviour now before it potentially becomes a bigger one next year.

Yes I fully appreciate that. It is. I was trying to say he’s not naughty as in unruly but he does need to curb that habit.

Crikey there are some worrying attitudes still in circulation. Anyone working in education who doesn’t “get” that some students need to fidget in order to focus needs to upskill or move on. Your students deserve better teachers.

angry your boy needs positive interventions, there are all sorts of strategies and therapies he could be accessing. Your best bet is a paediatric occupational therapist.

So he doesn't want to do the extra jobs to get higher on the chart but is unhappy that other children are because it makes him look bad?
And as a parent you are condoning this?

If he struggles with things like writing and keeping still have you considered he may be dyspraxia?

Dyspraxic (stupid autocorrect!)

Thank you @AnUtterIdiot it’s not the point but by saying that I get responses I don’t care.

I don’t mean to come across that I blame other kids. I don’t. Well done to them. I’m just saying they get the opportunity to get higher as they are faster at finishing tasks where my son is slower in order to reach what is expected of him. But gets no well done. He is a very intelligent but takes his time to ensure it’s written down / worked out right.
A lot are my friends children. That I socialise out of school with. I don’t even fetch it up with them as I would hate to offend how well there kids are doing.

I do hear the “so & so plays the system” I just keep it quietly to myself. This is the root of the problem.

Peng no it’s your posts that are rubbish. Laughable if it wasn’t so sad for the students infected by such ignorance. You must be pretty old to be holding tight to such outdated beliefs though so you’ll be moving on soon which is a very good thing. Nothing so toxic as a closed mind in a teacher .

@Pengggwn you seem to be hooked up on his behaviour. He’s not naughty. Yes he pen taps. Yes it’s being addressed. But what about his attitude to learning. The fact he works double hard to ensure he is correct and his working out are correct.
Please stop . He’s a very intelligent bright young mind that’s missing time to add extra points to get him up the ladder because he is slower, not badly behaved.

@LaughingElliot thank you.

OP you could be describing my son.
He’s in year 5 and throughout primary he’s always been last at everything, he never wins the game or comes first in the test, always bottom of the reward chart, he never gets picked for anything, his handwriting is terrible, and he still keeps plugging away. Every year he puts him self up for student council never gets elected, and this year the teacher said “you know what kids, actually [my son] gave the best election speech, so he is also going to be class rep (along with elected child)”.

I actually cried....!

No actual advice, I feel just so blessed to have in the main had awesome teachers who have recognised that some kids need a break and a leg up from the bottom occasionally. I would definitely have a word in your shoes.

Sirzy how does one get a diagnosis for dyspraxia? Is it school or GP?