Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give this person a lift

249 replies

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 09:37

I am a home carer. It's shit.

I'm working with someone who doesn't drive tonight. They have messaged me with this:

Hi, I'm working wifh you tonight. I don't drive so can you pick me up please? I live at 123 London Roa

AIBU to reply "no, make your own way to the first call."

OP posts:
Withhindsight · 13/10/2017 10:34

Here here viques! OP reply - no sorry I can't, see you later. If she then expects to travel from job to job with you, explain its expensive to run a car out of your pay and she needs to pay you petrol money at the start of each shift if she wants a lift round after you meet at the first job. Trouble is if you have to lift people (not sure if you do) you'll effectively be working on your own if you are waiting for her to catch you up by bus, walking or taxi. The working environment does not sound good.

Taylor22 · 13/10/2017 10:36

OP send her back your address and say be here at (time you leave).
Or you'll have to leave without her.

That way you've not refused the lift so you still look good. You've just said you won't be her personal Taxi.

WhoPoppedMyBalloon · 13/10/2017 10:38

Just say that you never offer lifts to co-workers as it doesn't fit in with your own travel arrangements.

SteampunkPrincess · 13/10/2017 10:38

She needs to pay you petrol money at the start of each shift if she wants a lift round after you meet at the first job

this - why is it fair for you to pay out, while the other person gets a free ride

cozzietoes · 13/10/2017 10:40

They are stupid to accept a job they can't do fully because they can't drive! And also cheeky to ask so abruptly!

I would just say "sorry I'm not able to do lifts because of commitments outside of work, hope you get it sorted"

You have kids/elderly parents/hobbies/food shop/see friends etc etc if they persist. Shut them down.

Lifts from home to home during work wouldn't particularly bother me if we had the same schedule but going out of my way before and after work, nope.

LaughingElliot · 13/10/2017 10:40

Wow viques holier than thou much.

Be v clear, no state funded home carer is paid enough to care about what you think

Jaxhog · 13/10/2017 10:41

Ignore the message. Or just say no. You don't owe her a lift or an explanation.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 13/10/2017 10:44

Viques, could agree more.

OP you have to work with this person all night and maybe regularly. If you aren’t speaking to each other it’s not going to be a great experience for your clients! If it’s a long way out of your way then explain that to her, maybe arrange to meet en route?

If you hate the job then look for something else?

Nandoshoes · 13/10/2017 10:46

Literally reply saying No, see you at first call.

No explanation or apology. Not your problem

Spickle · 13/10/2017 10:48

My elderly parent has carers. In her opinion the whole system should be overhauled. Some carers are great, others less so. My mum pays for a half hour slot but is lucky if the carers are there for more than 10 minutes. Some of them want to be in and out really quickly, partly to "earn" some money during their driving time (they are not paid travel time) and partly because they have too many service users to call on. It's obvious that some carers are not caring at all, it's just a job and they couldn't give a flying for the person they are caring for. Neither of us blame them particularly - the job needs to be more desirable, i.e. higher pay, better training/qualifications and spending quality time with the service user. At the moment, the care profession struggles to keep good staff and paying minimum wage means it is not attracting the right people to do the job.

But to get back to the point of the thread, I'd be inclined to message back that you'll meet them at the first call and leave it at that, unless of course there would be a contribution towards your petrol.

cherryontopp · 13/10/2017 10:48

Hmmit is strange.
I've done homecare before and as the driver I had to pick up the carer who doesn't drive up and drop them off and I could claim mileage.
If that's not part of of your company policy, then I'd refuse incase as you say, you end up doing it all the time.

In my situation though I did end up ringing the office and telling them to pair me with someone closer. I wasn't setting off 20 minutes earlier and getting home 20 minutes later each shift.
Home care is crap if you drive, I left within 3 months.

HotelEuphoria · 13/10/2017 10:48

I am on your side OP.

I have seen similar threads on MN before about this, and as others have said it is unacceptable that the agency expects you to pick up and drive around other carers that do not have their own transport.

This is their problem and not yours.

Not only are your funding their transport to work in your own time, running a car that they don't have to, but there are surely other implications such as car insurance for business use, and carrying other employees for business use?

You are absolutely correct in either responding no to the other person, ignoring or contacting the agency and telling them they need to pair you up with another driver.

sinceyouask · 13/10/2017 10:49

I totally understand why people take these jobs when they can't drive, because JCP are not realistic about this stuff and will sanction you if you don't apply or accept. And sure you may win an appeal later on (may), but in the meantime you have no money.
That said, op should not spend her time and money on this. It's for the agency to sort out. No, I can't give you a lift, is a perfectly fine response. Op is not there to solve the problems caused by our shitty systems.

user1471449805 · 13/10/2017 10:54

So you message back saying 'Sorry not possible, will see you there' and if / when you get messages re lack of transport you just ignore.

You don't owe her an explanation re lack of pick up, and she doesn't owe you one re why she took on a driving job when unable to drive.

pisacake · 13/10/2017 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 13/10/2017 10:55

I totally understand why people take these jobs when they can't drive, because JCP are not realistic about this stuff and will sanction you if you don't apply or accept.

Thank you for answering sinceyouask. I hope I am never in that position Sad

user1486829597 · 13/10/2017 10:56

Whilst I can see OP's point of view I would not want to be someone she cared for. Horrible attitude and hard as nails, not very caring at all. Vile language a real princess.

pisacake · 13/10/2017 10:56

Aren't you lucky you can afford to be choosey.

KittyLane1 · 13/10/2017 10:58

I had this problem when I was a home carer. The woman I had to drive around was very nice and good company, the care agency did phone me and ask before hand if i would mind and the woman did bring snacks along as a way of saying thank you .
But it was still a bit of a pain, especially if I had a long break between calls and she was expected to be in my car, it was often not worth driving her home again during the breaks so we had to have an awkward dinner break together when I really wanted to pop home or go to a shop.

Also one shift I had a blinding headache and wanted nothing more than to drive home but I had to drive past my house to drop her off at hers, annoying!

lalalonglegs · 13/10/2017 10:58

Could you ask her to come to your house/road at such a time and you will driver her from there but be very clear that if she is late, you're going without her? I do think asking you to pick her up is a bit cheeky.

diddl · 13/10/2017 11:03

So if she meets you at the first place, are you still expected to take her on to others?

And at the last place you'll drive off & leave her to get home?

Taylor22 · 13/10/2017 11:05

User. No one who does home care is a Princess.

user1471449805 · 13/10/2017 11:06

Pisa - yeah, because this is such a great job with fantastic prospects.

You really can't see why the OP would be venting on an anonymous internet forum?

HotelEuphoria · 13/10/2017 11:06

user1486829597

How do you know she is hard as nails and not caring at all? She is simply venting because she is fed up of being taken advantage of.

sinceyouask · 13/10/2017 11:07

OhnotoblazesElvira when I worked in the community I had a service user who was sanctioned for not applying for a job her criminal record barred her from. The sanction was overturned on mandatory reconsideration but I will never forget this woman, a year clean and sober, whose life had been utter shit and who had sweated blood to rebuild it, sobbing in my office and saying there was no point to anything and she may as well go back to selling her arse for a bag and hoping she wouldn't survive the night. Addiction had not broken her, losing her family had not broken her, years of abuse from every fucking man who crossed her path had not broken her, but that almost did, because she was trying with everything she had to make something of her existence. It was utterly insane, and it made me feel sick.