AIBU to want to have sex 3 weeks after childbirth and 2nd degree tear?

[ShiveryTimbers]

Just want to check whether it's insane or not to try.

Had a wonderful birth and have recovered very quickly and am walking relatively long distances already, two weeks later. My DP would very much like to have sex, and although I want to wait until there's absolutely no bleeding (seems to be nearly finished now) I do too.

But... I did have a second degree tear, which I chose not to have stitches with. It feels ok now but I'm not sure whether AIBU to want to have sex so soon, or whether it would be better to wait for longer -- if so, how long? I don't want to risk reopening the tear or doing any damage. It does feel fine now though.

AIBU?

They are a so many other ways you could have sex,would it kill either of you to wait ? You obviously aren't sure or you wouldn't be posting here. There's no way I'd risk an infection or aggravating a tear personally.

Can your DH not wait a bit longer until you actually want to do it? You’ve just given birth, he can live without getting his dick wet for a few days. Being able to walk isn’t an indication of being ready.

It will hurt if you do it now, more than you think. I waited 6-7 weeks both times, the first time I had a 3rd degree year and sex was agony, the 2nd time I had a good birth so wasn’t too bad.

Your feelings here are the most important, if you want to wait then wait.

Are you fucking mad ?

Or coerced ?

Should wait about 6 weeks as 2nd degree tear is muscle as well

Yes it is insane. HTH

We did about 3 weeks after our first - I'd had an episiotomy that had healed well. I wanted to and it was fine (very gentle & careful, it was more about reconnecting than chandelier swinging). If you agree that he must stop if it hurst I guess you could try, but a couple more weeks won't kill you if you aren't sure.

Ridiculous tbh. There are other ways to relieve yourselves, use your imagination

I will also add that despite feeling fine I ended up with an infection at 4 weeks PP. I would avoid until at least 6 but honestly with a tear I'd wait even longer

No, I genuinely feel like it!

I'm definitely going to wait until the bleeding has completely stopped because of the risk of infection, but I feel great generally and would like to have sex.

The midwife checked and said the small bit of the tear that extended into muscle had healed up already and that the skin was still healing (that was probably five days ago).

I feel fine, I'm just worried about whether it would reopen anything. Last time we waited about 8 weeks I think.

From a medical POV you've had 2nd degree tear - not advisable from an infection POV.

From a logical POV? Nobody can advise when is OK, least so anonymous posters on a chat board. Everyone is different - I had sex 4 weeks after birth but didn't have a 2nd degree tear.

If you feel ready, if your wound is healed then yes, go for it.

Thanks storm, good to know that it was ok.

Thanks @khajiit, that was my worry. Do you mean you got the infection anyway, or do you think it was a result of having sex too soon?

I was told that sex too soon after childbirth was dangerous as it could cause air to be forced into your blood stream.

Is this now outdated advice, or was it just an old wives’ tale?

29 years go we DTD on day 4 after our 2nd. though i had stitches it was just a 1st degree. I still remember it with fondness as it was so loving after we missed each other when I was in hospital. just be gentle and if it hurts stop.

Make sure you use contraception! Assuming you don't want a 10 month age gap.

@honeysucklejasmine Yes, that would definitely be an alarming prospect!

Can't you just have a nice session or oral on each other if you are horny? Why risk it?!?

The very thought of this makes my fanjo lock shut

YABU. It could cause an air aneurysm.

I mean embolism, don't I? 😂

I'm with ItsNice on this one

Why would you risk it, seriously?

I also gave birth 3 weeks ago, so congrats to us haha! But although my libido has returned (yasss!) the thought of going at it again too soon and ripping open my stitches is just not worth it. I would wait (and am waiting) a couple more weeks. Sure your husband can hold off until YOU feel ready, seeing as what you and your lady parts have just been through (good birth or not, it’s still got to be a bit tender down there!).

Just seen that you said you feel ready, I would still wait but if you really have to then go slow and make sure he knows it might be a trial run and you can ask him to stop at any time.

An embolism from having sex? Is that really true?!!

Thanks Mandraki, I do feel comfortable that DP would be gentle and stop immediately if it hurt, and we could wait -- but I do feel up to it, as if things have healed nicely, and just want to check if it's safe!