AIBU to want to have sex 3 weeks after childbirth and 2nd degree tear?

[ShiveryTimbers]

Just want to check whether it's insane or not to try.

Had a wonderful birth and have recovered very quickly and am walking relatively long distances already, two weeks later. My DP would very much like to have sex, and although I want to wait until there's absolutely no bleeding (seems to be nearly finished now) I do too.

But... I did have a second degree tear, which I chose not to have stitches with. It feels ok now but I'm not sure whether AIBU to want to have sex so soon, or whether it would be better to wait for longer -- if so, how long? I don't want to risk reopening the tear or doing any damage. It does feel fine now though.

AIBU?

I waited about 10 days after both my first and maybe a fortnight after the third. No Problems or tears from birth tho x

Classic reverse thread?

We has sex 5 weeks after I had a 3b tear. I wanted to, so we just went super duper gently and obviously any discomfort we'd have stopped. It felt great, no problems at all.

I don't think you can really ask on here as everyone heals at such different rates and feels so different. On paper I should have been in pain and sex the last thing on my mind.

Not a reverse!

Thanks Jenala. I do feel fine but just wanted to sanity-check in case it was crazy.

Wasn't there an identical thread to this a couple of weeks ago? Did it get removed? Or am I going barmy?

At 5 weeks pp this thread has made me feel nauseous and also glad my DH doesn't read mumsnet. Also ouch to not having the tear sutured.

Haha tiptoe it's funny how different it can be. My example was with my first.

This time round I had a csection and nearly 17 weeks on we've dtd twice, the first time not for 10 or so weeks. Why I felt up for it (let alone how it felt fine) the first time round with a bad tear is beyond me.

I don't understand why you need to to have PIV sex when you have a deep wound.
Use hands, mouths, toys! Nothing needs to be internal for you to have sex together.

Wow, with all 3 of ours the midwives told us to wait until the all clear from gp at 6 weeks.
This was with no complications or tears.
Even then it was advised to start of gentle and if you weren't ready the man was an ogre for not waiting
We waited ages as I just didn't fancy it when knackered from being awake all the time and smelling of baby sick.

If you can only come up with “penis in vagina”. You’re not very creative.

My DP would very much like to have sex, and although I want to wait until there's absolutely no bleeding (seems to be nearly finished now) I do to

If your partner had major surgery on his Anus had a massive tumor removed and then sewn up.

If three weeks later he said “wife, I fancy you strapping one on and giving me a good old fashioned Friday night ride Friday to Centre parks... “

Would you a) bum him till the cows came home

Or

B) say “sorry darling, I love you and I realise the various meds and hormones are making you think ever so slightly unclearly and while I would certainly love to go to centreparks I would never wanted to do anything that I know is potentially dangerous to someone I care about”

He shouldn’t even be discussing having sex with you when he knows there is a risk. He shouldn’t want to.

I had an episiotomy (granted my stitches burst after 4 days) but we waited 8 months to have sex. I just was not ready before then. Good for you if you are but I think waiting until your 6 week check up would be wise

@Feministcheeseplate feminist to the core i see

You can have sex as soon as you feel comfortable after giving birth, you don’t have to wait for the 6 week postnatal check.

Just remember to take things slowly and use plenty of lubrication, and if it hurts stop!

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/sex-contraception-after-birth.aspx

Also have a look here at the contraception guidelines:

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contraception-guide/Pages/when-contraception-after-baby.aspx

Re the air embolism thing, it can happen on very rare occasion during oral sex and blowing in the vagina. An air embolism can occur if there’s a tear or injury in the vagina or uterus. (I had heard this before somewhere, but was told I was wrong, so glad someone else has pointed it out).

www.healthline.com/health/air-embolism#causes2

You sound a little insane to me :D I've had all c sections and (TMI WARNING) i stopped bleeding by two weeks and obviously no tears, but still didn't DTD until after 6 weeks.

The fact you had a 2nd degree tear and wanna jump back on it, so to speak, makes me feel a little queasy lol. I would be worried about making things worse, infection and a whole lot of pain!

Hate the assumption that it's always the man pushing and there's no way a woman might want to have penetrative sex too.

Feminist it doesn't mean lack of creativity. Sometimes one wants to do all the possible things .

Like I said, I had a pretty traumatic birth first time, 3b tear, and I forgot to mention also an episiotomy, and it was me who was more pushy 5 weeks later and DP who was more worried.

If you're ready, you're ready. You'll soon know if actually your mind was ready before your body.

"Hate the assumption that it's always the man pushing and there's no way a woman might want to have penetrative sex too." Yep! What jenala said.

Updating to say that it was totally fine. My tear seems to have healed completely, lochia had stopped, and there was no pain or bleeding whatsoever. So, not completely crazy (although I could never have contemplated sex this soon after my previous birth, which was similar 'on paper', so obviously it's different for everybody each time).

I had an episiotomy and a tear. Had sex 15 days after DS was born. All fine.