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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take work colleague to work anymore

101 replies

blackheartsgirl · 12/10/2017 20:16

I’ve never posted on this board so feel free to tell me to get a backbone!

I started a new job six months ago on the same day as my close friend, we’ve worked together before in the same place then 2 positions came up which we both applied for and got , we both work the same hours and we both have early starts mon to fri 7.45 am. I drive and she doesn’t, it’s about 4 miles away from where I live and about 6 where she is. She accepted the job knowing she would struggle and was going to ask family members to take her, they refused so she asked me. I agreed, I go out of my way to get her and have to get up earlier but she does pay me petrol. It’s worked ok.

But. My circs have changed. I’m struggling with my mental health and theres other stuff going on which is not pleasant. Hr have suggested a change in my working hours which would mean I am no longer able to take friend in if it gets approved. Friend has proper seen her arse, saying how was she supposed to get in and I wasn’t being fair? There is a bus from by her house but it would mean her getting up a little earlier but she keeps saying sack that I can’t be bothered and it wouldn’t work for her. I feel so guilty. Aibu not to take her if it arises and put my family and my health first?

OP posts:
Toomuchocolate · 12/10/2017 20:19

Of course you are not being unreasonable! She took the job knowing what the journey wa like, it's her responsibility to get herself there.

T00ManyB00ks · 12/10/2017 20:19

Put you and your health first. I think you already know the answer.

RedHelenB · 12/10/2017 20:19

Obviously yanbu.

bingbongnoise · 12/10/2017 20:19

YANBU. Her getting to work is NOT your problem.

Tell her she will need to find her own way there now, and her transport issues are not your problem. Say you have enough shit going on without being made to feel guilty for nothing.

Maybe she can learn to drive and buy a car, like YOU had to! As well as many other people.

What a CF! Hmm

Hope you feel better soon. Flowers

Trills · 12/10/2017 20:21

Can I say how much I love the phrase "seen her arse"?

Getting to work is her problem. If your hours are changing, you will not be driving at that time.

KirstyJC · 12/10/2017 20:21

She doesn't sound like a friend to me. Stop feeling guilty - she clearly doesn't give a stuff.

Not your problem. Concentrate on yourself!

Fishface77 · 12/10/2017 20:21

She's a cheeky cow!
And she's not a close friend she's a user!
LTB

Mulberry72 · 12/10/2017 20:21

You and your health are more important OP, she needs to suck it up and get a grip (or a bus, or a Taxi, or perhaps even driving lessons!).

Flowers
Ijustlovefood · 12/10/2017 20:21

No YANBU. You've been doing her a favour! For quite some time too. Circumstances change and she has to accept it and make arrangements herself. If she gets arsy then she's not much of a friend. She shouldn't choose a job she cannot get to by herself.

Ttbb · 12/10/2017 20:22

YANBU

TheQueenOfWands · 12/10/2017 20:23

If she puts her convenience before your health then she is NOT your friend.

Take the new hours and sack her off.

Snausage · 12/10/2017 20:23

It sounds as if she took the job because she knew she'd get a lift. She's a cheeky fucker. There are a lot of those around tonight.

Leeds2 · 12/10/2017 20:25

Take the new hours if offered, and don't listen to your "friend".

Glumglowworm · 12/10/2017 20:26

YADNBU

you've been doing her a favour, despite the petrol money it's still a favour you're doing her. You're no longer able to because of your personal issues and change of hours. A friend would understand. She's not a friend, she's a user. She's hardly stranded if there's a bus!

TheABC · 12/10/2017 20:27

It's only 6 miles away. Doable by bike, bus or taxi. If you don't take care of yourself, you could well end up off work with long term sickness - so she will still struggle to get in, except your health will have paid the price in the meantime.

BifsWif · 12/10/2017 20:27

She is no friend, and you have nothing to feel guilty for.

Happyperson123 · 12/10/2017 20:28

It was very nice of you to go 2 miles out of your way in the first place. I don't think YABU at all.

In fact if your hours revert to the old times I'd not even offer to give her a lift again. The petrol money's not worth it IMO.

Tell your friend to learn to drive if she's that bothered.

FenceSitter01 · 12/10/2017 20:29

What does she do when you are on leave? or off sick? What would she do if you resigned?

This is her problem to sort out - what she should do is approach HR and ask to set up a car share scheme.

Glumglowworm · 12/10/2017 20:29

Oh and fwiw i don't drive, I still think YADNBU.

A friend takes me home from a group we both do because it finishes quite late. If she was no longer able to do so, I would walk home, and just be grateful she's done it up til now. And if it was because of issues in her personal life I would be concerned and try to offer to do something to help.

Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 20:29

but she keeps saying sack that I can’t be bothered and it wouldn’t work for her.

What does 'sack that' mean?

It's fairly irrelevant if it doesn't work for her, isn't it-you are not responsible for her travel circumstances! If she doesn't drive, she needs to use public transport like everyone else surely?

Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 12/10/2017 20:33

Aww thanks. To be honest I know deep down ianbu but I’m a softie lol. To be fair she does pay me petrol money and she’s been a good friend in other ways. She gets a lot of family support and we don’t. Which is why I’m so stressed

I love the phrase seen your arse as well 😂

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/10/2017 20:33

Look after your own health. I hope you feel better soon.

QueenArseClangers · 12/10/2017 20:33

"What does 'sack that' mean? "

Sack that means 'fuck that'! Or 'sod that'.

Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 12/10/2017 20:37

Sack that means sod that. I’ve never phoned in sick so I don’t know what she’d do,

Holidays well family take her when I’m off but they aren’t happy about it

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 20:39

Ah, ok-thanks.

How did she get to her previous job?