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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take work colleague to work anymore

101 replies

blackheartsgirl · 12/10/2017 20:16

I’ve never posted on this board so feel free to tell me to get a backbone!

I started a new job six months ago on the same day as my close friend, we’ve worked together before in the same place then 2 positions came up which we both applied for and got , we both work the same hours and we both have early starts mon to fri 7.45 am. I drive and she doesn’t, it’s about 4 miles away from where I live and about 6 where she is. She accepted the job knowing she would struggle and was going to ask family members to take her, they refused so she asked me. I agreed, I go out of my way to get her and have to get up earlier but she does pay me petrol. It’s worked ok.

But. My circs have changed. I’m struggling with my mental health and theres other stuff going on which is not pleasant. Hr have suggested a change in my working hours which would mean I am no longer able to take friend in if it gets approved. Friend has proper seen her arse, saying how was she supposed to get in and I wasn’t being fair? There is a bus from by her house but it would mean her getting up a little earlier but she keeps saying sack that I can’t be bothered and it wouldn’t work for her. I feel so guilty. Aibu not to take her if it arises and put my family and my health first?

OP posts:

BadLad · 12/10/2017 23:29

OP, have you heard of former Liverpool defender Tommy Smith?

He tells on anecdote in his autobiography about having to put recently-signed Graeme Souness in his place.

On the first day, after training, Souness asked to borrow a hair dryer, and Smith said "Help yourself".

The next day Souness again asked " Can I borrow your hair dryer, Tommy?" and again Smith said "No problem".

On the third day Souness again asked to borrow the hair dryer. Smith's reply was " No, you fucking can't. You get paid for doing this job, just like the rest of us, so sort your own fucking hair dryer out".

It's something I've kept in mind when facing persistent ungrateful favour-grabbers.

Twofurrycats · 12/10/2017 23:52

LIZ70
Origin
Early 20th century: from dialect mard ‘spoilt’ (describing a child), alteration of marred (see mar).
Apparently my autocorrect has class unlike people who come on here to be the grammar/spelling/pronunciation police.

liz70 · 13/10/2017 00:02

Christ on a bike. And there was me thinking that

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 00:05

I’d have binned her months ago. Who do you care if she has to haul her arse out of bed a bit earlier to get the bus?

Efnisien · 13/10/2017 00:22

She's a user,tell her to get a bloody grip!

AcrossthePond55 · 13/10/2017 00:27

I'd tell her today that this is her last day with you as her chauffeur and she has the weekend to work out the bus timetables for Monday.

You don't need the hassle. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to feel better.

liz70 · 13/10/2017 00:32

Get her a bus travel pass for her next birthday or Christmas present, whichever is nearer.

Italiangreyhound · 13/10/2017 00:49

YADNBU.

Do what is right for you.

Italiangreyhound · 13/10/2017 00:51

"Ah well I’m so glad it’s unanimous and thank you all for your input. I don’t feel as guilty now and she can see her arse all she like with me"

Brilliant.

scarybiscuit · 13/10/2017 07:20

Hello
Please don’t think this is your fault .
You sound like a lovely person and I th8nk you are being taken for granted.
Listen to Hr go into work bit later and your friend will have to work it out for herself.

I had a very demanding work colleague a few years ago it wasn’t until I saw for what she was and asked to move away from her I never felt better. Tell HR what you have told us so that have a bit of background.

Please don’t put your health at risk for somebody that doesn’t appreciate it.

Take care😀

Appuskidu · 13/10/2017 07:43

What a silly cow! How has it been left with her?

Sweetpea55 · 13/10/2017 08:19

Don't be daft. Of course you must your own family and health first. Don't worry about her. She can't rely on goodwill all her life. Xx

emmyrose2000 · 13/10/2017 08:27

Why doesn't she drive? I don't know anyone who doesn't drive unless they're elderly or medically unfit. If she doesn't fall into either of those categories, she can learn to drive and get herself to work.

In the meantime, she get their under her own steam, which means not relying on you.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 08:41

Lots of people don’t drive, emmy, don’t be daft.

coddiwomple · 13/10/2017 09:25

I don't know anyone who doesn't drive
good for you (?), but many people do not drive for valid reason or simply personal choice.

The friend is unreasonable to demand and expect a taxi service, she is not unreasonable not to drive herself.

CoraPirbright · 13/10/2017 09:35

I was all ready to type a reply but BMW6 puts what I wanted to say perfectly and succinctly

What kind of "friend" is she?? She is a first class entitled selfish bitch, with zero concern for your welfare. She has shown you her true colours. Ditch the bitch.

^^exactly this.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 13/10/2017 09:35

From what you've written you are changing your hours to give yourself more solid lengths of time to yourself.

Often people who commute by car consider the drive to be of mental health benefit. On your own, quiet, with the radio you want. Lovely. Not only are you losing out on that but you are losing down time on the extra driving to/from her house.

If you are willing to go so far as to change hours then surely you should also go so far as to tell her that you can't sacrifice your schedule to give her lifts any more so today's the last day.

She's got the bus and a boyfriend so you aren't screwing her over. She will be mildly inconvenienced compared to now. That's all. Not worth feeling guilty over.

If she has been a supportive friend as you say then she will get over it and realise your MH is worth more.

BlueSapp · 13/10/2017 10:26

But the "friend" is unreasonable to take a job which require moree than walking distance( i say that but actually you could reasonably walk if you needed to) she refuses to use public transport for the journey and refuses to learn to drive. Therefore she's being unreasonable to her employer.

Ellendegeneres · 13/10/2017 10:46

Emmy I don't drive. I'm neither elderly or medically unfit. I just happen to not be able to afford or find time to do lessons.

But I'm not a cf, if I'm offered a lift I might accept gratefully- sometimes I refuse because it would be putting someone out, however much they insist- or I get the bus or taxi like everyone else. It's not a bad thing to not drive, it's just a bad thing to be a cf

ArcheryAnnie · 13/10/2017 10:58

^emmyrose* this is utterly ridiculous. Lots of perfectly healthy adults don't drive, and don't want or need to drive. The OP's colleague doesn't need to drive as the OP said, right there in her first post, that there's a bus right by her house that she can take to work.

It's attitudes like yours which mean that the roads are clogged with people who could easily take the bus, all the while the air quality goes down and the journey times on clogged roads increases.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/10/2017 11:03

I’m struggling with my mental health and theres other stuff going on which is not pleasant

She doesn't sound like much of a friend if she's putting her convenience before your health. Tell her to get stuffed! Hope things improve with your new working hours.

youvegottobekidding · 13/10/2017 11:07

YANBU, you've been more than accomodating so far, time to look after yourself now.

I don't drive (I'm learning though!) and I wouldn't apply for a job if I knew I couldn't make the journey there! So I certainly wouldn't rely on anyone to give me a lift! Luckily my work is in walking distance so I've no worries there!

Jux · 13/10/2017 12:13

I don't drive. I lived in central London and could walk, bus, train or tube everywhere I wanted to go.

We've not had enough money to spare for lessons since we moved to Devon, and pub trans is seriously crap; I'm horribly aware of what a pain I am to people when I need a lift somewhere, though they're all lovely about it.

I asked dh last week if he thought we could find some money for lessons in the new year and for the first time he has said yes! I'll be 60 next yearand have ms, so don't realistically expect to ever pass my test

Your friend has an attitude problem, but it may be that she just said the first thing which came into her head and that she'll have thought much better of it by now.

Allthebestnamesareused · 13/10/2017 12:24

If you left and got another job elsewhere you'd not be able to take her so it's just the same really!

She is a mardy arse, seen her arse CF!

emmyrose2000 · 14/10/2017 10:54

ArcheryAnnie

There's nothing at all ridiculous about being a self sufficient adult who can drive themselves around without having to rely on other people to get them to places.

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