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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take work colleague to work anymore

101 replies

blackheartsgirl · 12/10/2017 20:16

I’ve never posted on this board so feel free to tell me to get a backbone!

I started a new job six months ago on the same day as my close friend, we’ve worked together before in the same place then 2 positions came up which we both applied for and got , we both work the same hours and we both have early starts mon to fri 7.45 am. I drive and she doesn’t, it’s about 4 miles away from where I live and about 6 where she is. She accepted the job knowing she would struggle and was going to ask family members to take her, they refused so she asked me. I agreed, I go out of my way to get her and have to get up earlier but she does pay me petrol. It’s worked ok.

But. My circs have changed. I’m struggling with my mental health and theres other stuff going on which is not pleasant. Hr have suggested a change in my working hours which would mean I am no longer able to take friend in if it gets approved. Friend has proper seen her arse, saying how was she supposed to get in and I wasn’t being fair? There is a bus from by her house but it would mean her getting up a little earlier but she keeps saying sack that I can’t be bothered and it wouldn’t work for her. I feel so guilty. Aibu not to take her if it arises and put my family and my health first?

OP posts:
Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 12/10/2017 20:45

Her boyfriend drove her, it was an evening job

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 12/10/2017 20:56

She isn't a real friend. Nobody in their right mind would expect a friend to work hours to suit THEM!! Good god you have done her a massive favour for ages, YOU have been been the one getting up earlier than you had to to take HER to work but she doesn't want to get up a bit quicker to get her own sorry add to work. Unbelievable self importance. Tell her to grow up and be responsible for getting herself to work from now on and your health is far more important than her sense of entitlement.

I would also be distancing myself from her from now on as I dont believe for a moment she will be any kind of supportive of your health or personal life.

Take care of yourself she is a selfish cow.

pictish · 12/10/2017 21:05

She is being very selfish but I don't know if she is aware of it. You should sit her down and tell her (gently but firmly) that obviously you are going to prioritise what suits you over what is convenient for her and for her to expect otherwise is unrealistic.
If she can't drive she'll have to get the bus.

Mittens1969 · 12/10/2017 21:06

There is a bus, so she can get herself for work, even if she has to leave earlier in the morning. What are alarm clocks for after all?? You need to take care of your MH, if she really was a friend she would understand that. She’s not behaving like a friend at all, but like a real user.

Stick to your guns, OP, and don’t feel guilty.

Ellendegeneres · 12/10/2017 21:13

Given her attitude I'd be telling her lifts are off as of now, since you're changing your hours and have so much on, you need the time and space alone to and from work, she can learn to start getting herself to and from work so it's not a shock when you're no longer doing her shift pattern.
She has a bus she can get. Let's keep it real here, the only one winning at the moment is her, she gets a cheap ride door to door to work, no getting wet waiting for a bus. She's taken it for granted and is now being a bitch. Fuck her. A real friend would show concern over you, not think purely of herself.

seven201 · 12/10/2017 21:13

Put yourself first.

AntiHop · 12/10/2017 21:16

I agree with pictish

ItsNachoCheese · 12/10/2017 21:17

Yanbu at all. Public transport is her friend here

NikiBabe · 12/10/2017 21:17

Friend has proper seen her arse

Fuck I laughed at that. What does that mean?!

dustarr73 · 12/10/2017 21:28

Well she wasn't worried about you having to get up earlier to collect her.Do her good to realise the world doesn't revolve around her.

HotelEuphoria · 12/10/2017 21:32

There can't be many northerners on MN tonight, I thought everyone knew what seeing your arse meant! Same for "sack that".

honeyroar · 12/10/2017 21:38

I always thought they were more scouse phrases rather than general northern. I heard them a lot when living in the Liverpool area, but never in the Yorkshire area I live in.

But she's being a little madam! It's not even as if she hasn't got any other means of getting to work - she just has to get up a bit earlier. You need to see your arse right back at her - tell her you're struggling with your health and passed off that all she's worried about is her bloody lift!

pinkyredrose · 12/10/2017 21:44

She csn get to work, there's a bus. Failing to see the problem. Unless she's above using public transport of course thr poir sensitive flower.

Starlighter · 12/10/2017 21:48

YANBU!!

What a cheeky cow this ‘friend’ is!

I think you’ve gone over and above in driving her to work so far! Do what’s best for you.

GabsAlot · 12/10/2017 21:56

so u lft earlier to go out of your way and shes upset she wont get a lie in anymor

shit friend

TemptressofWaikiki · 12/10/2017 21:56

After years of being a -doormat- people pleaser, I now have zero tolerance for entitled cheeky feckers and actually would stop taking her as of now, so she can get used to the bus journey.

liz70 · 12/10/2017 22:01

"Can I say how much I love the phrase "seen her arse"?"

Yep; I've always thought the phrase "to see ones arse" quite stupendous. Are you from Merseyside or NW England? I don't know if it's local to the region.

coddiwomple · 12/10/2017 22:03

real friends would at least try to get to your house, not force you to make a detour every single day of the week!

I don't know why you would feel bad, you are not refusing to take her, your hours are changing.

If taking the bus and getting up a tiny bit earlier is inconvenient for her, she is free to find another job. Don't feel bad! Her reaction is just wrong.

Cath2907 · 12/10/2017 22:04

You are so not being unreasonable!

LindyHemming · 12/10/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rowgtfc72 · 12/10/2017 22:13

Dont feel bad, you know whats best for you.

I'm on the east coast and we see our arses here quite regularly Grin

TheMightyMing · 12/10/2017 22:16

I'm a Mancunian and regularly see my arse 😂 , I didn't think others would find it amusing !

SisterMoonshine · 12/10/2017 22:17

If you need help to see you through telling her and any come-back, we're here. It's what we're good at

mummmy2017 · 12/10/2017 22:18

Just tell her your sorry, but you can't drive her, and she needs to find another way to get to work.
keep saying your sorry but she needs to find another way to get to work...
If that is all you say as an answer and don't add more she can argue against she will soon get the message.

Mammylamb · 12/10/2017 22:19

Yanbu. I used to get a lift from a colleague each day. One day she said that she didn't want to do it anymore as she felt tied in to picking me up at the same time each day. I totally understood and thanked her for the times that she did bring me into work. Your friend is being an arse