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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lie about the whole thing or should i face the consequences and be honest?

90 replies

explain · 12/10/2017 19:03

Posted in another area but want advice on here too for more traffic hopefully...

I'm currently pregnant via donor. I have just started to tell friends and family of the news. The majority of them I have told that I am pregnant by an ex and my really close friends I have told the truth of it all. However a few friends have taken it really badly and are demanded answers as to how I got pregnant and why I would sleep so carelessly with an ex?! Now i feel awful for lying, as this baby was 100% planned (via donor). I will be facing this particular friend later in the month and he is demanding answers. Do I tell him the truth knowing that he is completely against women choosing to have children on their own?

OP posts:
lampshady · 12/10/2017 19:05

He doesn't sound much of a friend if he can't empathise with and support your decision.

angelnix · 12/10/2017 19:05

How on earth does your ex feel about you implying it is his child?! You need to tell the truth or say it's no-ones business.

anon97528996 · 12/10/2017 19:05

Doesn’t sound like a great friend tbh. Tell people what you’re comfortable with, it’s none of their business and you have nothing to be ashamed of!

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 12/10/2017 19:05

I dont think you should lie or tell the truth

Its none of his business

Is he that good a freind to you that youd let him speak to you like that

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2017 19:07

Who does this "friend" think he is?! He can't demand to know anything, and if he refuses to respect your privacy you should refuse to be his friend.

2cats2many · 12/10/2017 19:07

You know the right answer don't you?

You to friend: "This is actually the situation with my pregnancy. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd disapprove, but after thinking about it, I realised that it was unfair of me to assume that you'd react badly. I hope you can be happy for me and support me in my choice because this pregnancy is very much wanted."

Or something along those lines...

Miloarmadillo1 · 12/10/2017 19:07

Pretty shoddy on the ex to claim it's his - are you going to spend the child's life telling all your friend's the good-for-nothing wants nothing to do with the baby he fathered? Are you going to tell the child that? Be honest. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Your friend can stick his opinion where the sun don't shine.

Bambamber · 12/10/2017 19:07

Tell him the truth. It's not his baby or his body so it doesn't matter that he is against it. A true friend would support you regardless

Tainbri · 12/10/2017 19:09

Generally, honesty is the best policy do I wouldn't suggest lying as such but to be honest you shouldn't have to pander to someone "demanding answers"! A true friend wouldn't put you in that situation. It's your business. If it was me I would just be steering him to focus on the fact the baby is planned and the father is not involved. End of conversation.

AdalindSchade · 12/10/2017 19:09

How is this person your friend?!
Don't tell him anything and don't see him again!

PinkHeart5914 · 12/10/2017 19:09

Why lie about it though?

You are pregnant via a donor so your obviously comfortable with the choice you made and Imo saying as an adult you decided to have a baby so went down the donor route sounds a whole lot more responsible then I have sex with an ex and couldn’t be bothered to protect myself.

Mumof56 · 12/10/2017 19:09

Why do you tell him it was your ex? very odd. what if in a couple of years friend lets it slip to child that ex is his father? How does your ex feel about being labelled a dead beat dad for a child that is not his?

FenceSitter01 · 12/10/2017 19:10

The trouble with lying is :it always comes back to bite you. You've effectively slandered your ex partner. People will think he's a shit father who doesn't bother with his child. Why involve him in your deceit?

purplecorkheart · 12/10/2017 19:12

Not fair involving your ex. What you tell people is your own business but do not involve someone who is not involved!

monkeywithacowface · 12/10/2017 19:12

Well I think lying is a mistake, it always creates more problems than it solves and you will end up having to tell more lies in the future to maintain it.

Second of all people who "demand" answers should be told to do one

StepAwayFromGoogle · 12/10/2017 19:14

explain, it would probably be better to just tell the truth to everyone. You've nothing to feel ashamed of and might find that you get to a point where you've forgotten who you told what to. Or they find out from each other somehow.

Don't get me wrong, you are well within your rights to tell anyone anything you like and your friend doesn't sound much like a friend but I wonder whether it would give you peace of mind?

64PooLane · 12/10/2017 19:14

Cannot imagine why someone would lie about this. What does it achieve? You'll have to be truthful eventually, unless you want your child to begin life under the shadow of a lie? After everything you've done to have a baby, why make it sound like a shambolic accident when it's nothing of the sort?

And surely it'll be worse telling people not only the truth, but also that you've lied to them?

WinnieFosterTether · 12/10/2017 19:14

The problem with saying that it's an ex is that presumably you do have ex boyfriends and you're leaving them open to scurrilous rumours and gossip.
You don't need to tell anyone anything about the father. You can honestly tell them that it's not someone they know and you don't want to talk about it.

Tilapia · 12/10/2017 19:16

Another one who doesn’t like the sound of a friend who ‘demands answers’. Just say it’s none of their business!

Neverknowing · 12/10/2017 19:16

I'd tell him the truth, that it's none of his business Smile

NachoAddict · 12/10/2017 19:19

Bad situation for your ex. Either be honest or say a one night stand but not your poor ex.

Either way it is none of your friends business.

queenthequeen · 12/10/2017 19:20

I'd probably go down the route of short lived but passionate relationship tbh.

Redglitter · 12/10/2017 19:25

I will be facing this particular friend later in the month and he is demanding answers

He'll be DEMANDING answers? It's fuck all to do with him. Who does he think he is demanding answers. With an attitude like that I'd tell him nothing

In relation to saying it was an ex I think that's a really bad idea. Id have just been honest about it. It's noones business. Personally I'd prefer to let people know I was having a very much wanted and very much planned baby not an accident

x2boys · 12/10/2017 19:26

When you say you are pregnant by an ex are you naming a particular ex because that really isnt fair and could get potentially very awkward or are you just being vague and saying an ex?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 12/10/2017 19:28

Why are you even lying? Just tell the truth. Nothing wrong with using a donor.

Congratulations BTW Grin

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