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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lie about the whole thing or should i face the consequences and be honest?

90 replies

explain · 12/10/2017 19:03

Posted in another area but want advice on here too for more traffic hopefully...

I'm currently pregnant via donor. I have just started to tell friends and family of the news. The majority of them I have told that I am pregnant by an ex and my really close friends I have told the truth of it all. However a few friends have taken it really badly and are demanded answers as to how I got pregnant and why I would sleep so carelessly with an ex?! Now i feel awful for lying, as this baby was 100% planned (via donor). I will be facing this particular friend later in the month and he is demanding answers. Do I tell him the truth knowing that he is completely against women choosing to have children on their own?

OP posts:
Sashkin · 12/10/2017 21:15

I will be facing this particular friend later in the month and he is demanding answers

Is he your friend or your dad? He seems to be under the impression he owns you.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 12/10/2017 21:16

YOUR pregnancy... is nobody's business but yours

Well, yes, but if your friend was pg, wouldn't you ask about the father?? Seems disingenuous to pretend that people will just think it was an immaculate conception and not be curious.

However, your male friend has no right to 'demand' anything. How rude! Tell him only what you want to tell him.

It might be an idea to have a line prepared for when random people ask you about the father...

And yes, best clear up the misconception about the ex.

Congratulations and good luck! Flowers

Andcake · 12/10/2017 21:24

Please tell the truth...a woman in my office took the donor route and was not exactly loud and proud but just didn't deny it. No one questioned...everyone was supportive.... Some of the younger women got very involved offering support baby sitting etc...I also think they thought it empowering that that didn't have to be childless if they didn't want to

NotEnglish · 12/10/2017 21:25

You have planned this pregnancy. It probably took a while to organise everything.
I'm sure you have thought about
a) what you are going to tell people if they ask about the father
b) way more important, what you are going to tell yor child!

So I really don't get why this question caught you unaware.
For the sake of the kid please don't lie about the fahter. decide what you want to tell the kid and then tell the exact same story to everybody else otherwise you will be caught up in your lies and at some point your child will be confused or suffer.
If you don't want to tell people, be evasive or tell them you don't want to tell.

And your demanding "friend", well he can demand all he wants, does not meant he gets what he demands ;-)

OCSockOrphanage · 12/10/2017 21:28

What's wrong with "I chose a donor who was intelligent and attractive." Who needs more information than that?

Mrsmadevans · 12/10/2017 21:28

You do whatever you want to do my dear.
My DD wants a baby eventually and will do the same if she hasn't met anyone she wants to have a baby with .
I don't blame her or anyone it is up to the individual.
Society today is totally different to what I grew up in . I think if you want a child and can be a good parent and it will fulfil you then go for it.
I think it is no one's business .
Congratulations and Good Luck enjoy your beautiful baby

Ironmanrocks · 12/10/2017 21:32

He sounds jealous! Are you sure he doesn't fancy you?!

JoBlogs · 12/10/2017 21:37

Tell the truth. Lying will always be caught out and you will end up looking a fool. Plus, not very fair on your baby to have people gossiping about him/her.

Taylor22 · 12/10/2017 21:37

How bad was your break up with Ex?
Was he abusive etc?

KickAssAngel · 12/10/2017 21:56

"he is completely against women choosing to have children on their own?"

So tell him to start up a charity group that makes men step up and take care of their children instead of buggering off. If he thinks that kids should have two parents, he should be pressuring absentee parents, not pregnant women.

Carouselfish · 12/10/2017 22:38

It's all been said already, but just to echo, I really think you should join a group or two regarding donor conception and get some ideas for what you are a) going to tell people and b) going to tell your child! There is nothing to be ashamed of at all, I know of several people who have done it (friends of friends, employees etc) and if you want to play the morality debate it certainly beats marrying someone you're not really that keen on just because you want children (know a couple of those) or getting accidentally-on-purpose pregnant (these too).
Ultimately though, you do not have to justify your choice like this to anyone.
Huge congratulations on your child!

Carouselfish · 12/10/2017 22:43

Also, I did actually get pregnant in a less than ideal situation (new relationship that ultimately ended and is now a friend) and got rid of a male friend who made a really crass comment about it. Entirely deleted him from my life. And yes, I think he did fancy me.

Nandoshoes · 12/10/2017 22:45

Please be proud of you choice. Don't hide it from
someone who will not experience this.

Good luck to you and baby

EllaHen · 12/10/2017 22:54

I had my first baby on my own. Not one single solitary person had an issue with this. Even my 80 something year old Granny was mega supportive.

Who the fuck are these people with their archaic views?

They wouldn't be friends of mine, that's for sure.

keepcalmandfuckon · 12/10/2017 23:02

Be honest. And also tell him to fuck off with his judgement.

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