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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lie about the whole thing or should i face the consequences and be honest?

90 replies

explain · 12/10/2017 19:03

Posted in another area but want advice on here too for more traffic hopefully...

I'm currently pregnant via donor. I have just started to tell friends and family of the news. The majority of them I have told that I am pregnant by an ex and my really close friends I have told the truth of it all. However a few friends have taken it really badly and are demanded answers as to how I got pregnant and why I would sleep so carelessly with an ex?! Now i feel awful for lying, as this baby was 100% planned (via donor). I will be facing this particular friend later in the month and he is demanding answers. Do I tell him the truth knowing that he is completely against women choosing to have children on their own?

OP posts:
KarateKitten · 12/10/2017 20:21

God, you are going to spend a lifetime lying. You'll be asked if the ex is stepping up. Why has he not seen his child. Are you being paid maintenance? All asked in a supportive way. People will feel sorry for you getting pregnant by a man who has left you and the baby in the lurch. And then there's the fact that if the 'ex' story is the known story, you'll find yourself lying to your child when somebody lets it slip or says something about this imaginary ex in their presence. This is not going to end well.

If you are letting people believe it's a specific ex well, that's pretty despicable. You could ruin his current relationship or future relationships and his reputation.

I'd just say you are happily having this baby on your own and refuse to explain further than that if you don't want to.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 12/10/2017 20:21

Oh i just assumed you meant a random ex

No you need to tell the truth about that...thats going to come back and bite you on the bottom

lljkk · 12/10/2017 20:24

You need to tell the truth.
If folk don't support you to the point of being unkind to you, then why do you still want to consider them to be friends?

Ttbb · 12/10/2017 20:24

I would just drop him. Unless he was born in a gutter he has no excuse for such a complete absence of manners

KarateKitten · 12/10/2017 20:24

I'm sorry OP but I'm shocked you hadn't decided how to handle this considering it was planned and took time to organise. Did it not occur to you people would ask.

You also need to phone everyone you lied to and let them know it's NOT that ex. You also need to phone your ex and apologise and reassure him it's not his because this WILL get back to him and even a day thinking he has an unplanned baby on the way is too much.

Taylor22 · 12/10/2017 20:26

You need to grow up.

How do you know that gossip hasn't spread like wildfire and now that ex has everyone whispering in his ears?

Seriously. You've had long enough to wrap your head around this and a least come up with a better lie.

Stop bullshitting and tell the truth now. Or at least a admit it was a lie and say that the matter is private and you don't wish to discuss it.

TheHeartOfTeFiti · 12/10/2017 20:27

Be honest before you know it you’ll have a child to tell my DD who is donor concieved went through a faze of telling everyone about the helpful man who made her!

Mama234 · 12/10/2017 20:28

I dont understand why you lied about it.
You should tell the truth.

Original poster
explain · 12/10/2017 20:31

None of my friends have met my ex and there is no chance of them bumping into him. I also haven't said which ex I just said an ex.

@KarateKitten they are not close friends, more acquaintances so i didn't feel the need to give them an explanation as to how i got pregnant. I just said 'an ex'

OP posts:
grannytomine · 12/10/2017 20:32

Demanding answers? Good grief who does he think he is. None of his business, just tell him you don't want to discuss what's done as you are concentrating on your future, unless you want to tell him of course.

Darkstar4855 · 12/10/2017 20:34

YABVU to name someone as the father who isn't.

YANBU not to tell your "friend" that your child was donor conceived - it's none of his business. He sounds very judgemental.

feelslikearockandahardplace · 12/10/2017 20:36

Have I misunderstood the OP. You've said your pregnant by an ex, but aren't and now HE's demanding answers? Or is someone else demanding answers? Cos if it's the ex, who you've slandered, then fair enough to be honest.

Original poster
explain · 12/10/2017 20:38

@feelslikearockandahardplace he (the ex) isn't demanding answers, I am referring to a friend.

OP posts:
Billben · 12/10/2017 20:39

he is demanding answers.

Tell him to bugger off. Or did he want to be the father of the baby by any chance?

RacingRaccoons · 12/10/2017 20:42

I actually think you are unfair to blame an ex.
You shouldn’t have said it and I think you need to back pedal.

Original poster
explain · 12/10/2017 20:43

@RacingRaccoons I agree with you. thanks.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 12/10/2017 20:52

YOUR pregnancy... is nobody's business but Your's Flowers

maggiecate · 12/10/2017 20:53

"I demand that you tell me who the father of your baby is."
"OK. This isn't how I wanted you to find out but....It's yours"

You'll get to enjoy the few seconds of panic on his face, and when he then protests that it can't possibly be you can smile sweetly and say "so why the FUCK do you think it's any of your business then?"

picklemepopcorn · 12/10/2017 20:53

Try out some phrases out loud, so they come to you easily when you need them.

No, it isn't ex, I just wanted you to stop asking. I'm very pleased to be pregnant. Stop going on about it.

The baby is due in '....ber'. That's all you need to know.

WarwickDavisAsPlates · 12/10/2017 20:55

I think you need to tell the truth and if he disagrees with your decision then he can fuck off, you don’t need a friend who will make you feel bad about this.

Also you need to tell your other friends that it wasn’t an ex who fathered your child. You can just say something like “I didn’t quite know how to say it because I was worried about people’s reactions, but I’m not ashamed of my decision”

greendale17 · 12/10/2017 20:57

Stop lying to people- it will catch up with you and you will look like a fool

safariboot · 12/10/2017 20:59

I look forward to seeing OP, their friend, and their ex all appearing on The Jeremy Kyle Show.

WizardOfToss · 12/10/2017 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperBeagle · 12/10/2017 21:10

It's horrible to put this on your ex, who has nothing at all to do with your decisions. You need to correct that lie.

Reluctant2ndtimer · 12/10/2017 21:11

@maggiecate, perfect answer!

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