I am so ashamed

[strugglingsososomuch]

I don't fit in. People think I am weird. I dress in shapeless and inappropriate (not revealing, just not "right") clothes for my very corporate job. I want to run away and hide, hide, hide. When I look at people my eyes dart even when I'm willing them not to and trying to be bright/sunny/friendly/attractive/nice. I can see that I am making them uncomfortable. I don't want this pain to continue. I can't see a way out. I want a fresh start and I want to be normal.

Struggling, finance is full of highly successful geeky introverts, but it sounds as though your unhappiness at work is coming from feeling crap about yourself. On the other hand the job may just not be what you need. Will you have more freedom once you are through the grad scheme?

Get yourself checked out physically, make sure you eat well, get enough sleep, fresh air and exercise, and buy some clothes that suit you as you are and make you feel good, even if they aren't 'corporate suits'.
A good strategy in a busy room where you feel anxious is to find someone else who looks like they feel out of place and start a conversation.

How about making an appt with a personal shopper at John Lewis? She will know what suits you and will bring you loads of clothes to try on.

But - you sound very anxious and sad. Keep going with the counsellor - find another one if you don't get on with your current one. It's really important.

Your boss obviously thinks you're competent and great at your job, so you must be!

You have friends who like you and you have fun with - you're obviously a nice person.

I can promise that peple do not see you in the same way that you see yourself, OP.

I work in a corporate environment. I am overweight and don't wear makeup but I wear corporate clothes, like you do.

I would like to be more attractive but while I get round to sorting that out(!) I try to focus on the job and not my appearance. I try to remember that most people are thinking about themselves and their own concerns, and not about me other than how I make them feel about themselves.

You sound as if you're doing just fine and need to cut yourself some slack

Hi, I think you may be depressed. Can you go and see your GP. You are not the only one who feels like this; I fee it sometimes too. Mostly when my period is due. But really, I very much doubt anyone is thinking badly of you.

Op

I think you would benefit from CBT, it's really good for overcoming unhelpful thoughts.

The company you work for sounds sterile and hugely corporate I can guarantee you that you are not the only person who feels 'odd' or 'wrong', it's not a very humane environment is it?

My suggestion would be:

CBT asap, even a few sessions and reading a book about if will hopefully shift some of your negative self image.

Book yourself in for a personals hopping at JL or ask a very good friend who is good with clothes and who genuinely cares for you to give some feedback or tips.

Try and do your very best in your current job but try and listen to yourself too. Maybe you are having a burn out without knowing it yet. Get some rest, decent sleep and bait of exercise. It doesn't have to be a huge fitness regime just ale one or two changes every few days.

Consider changing your industry and bringing your wonderful talent to the charity sector.

Take a sabbatical (if possible, may not be).

Be kind to yourself, don't try to be perfect, you a living breathing human being and perfect as you --as hard as that may be to believe in the corporate environment you are in.

thanks all. if anyone does want to see a face pic and has constructive advice, I will send a link to a temporary image site.

Gussie I might be able to help. I'm a manager in financial services and do a fair bit of mentoring, including grads. You can pm me if you like and I'll give you an honest and constructive evaluation. The corporate 'look' shouldn't be about beauty or glamour it's about grooming. This is easily achievable on a corporate grad salary. All you need is clean, shiny, well cut hair, light make up and nicely tailored clothes - John Lewis collection is excellent (and won't break the bank) or Hobbs on sale say with jones shoes - ideally on sale. You don't have to wear tight dresses and high heels - a trouser suit and pumps are just as smart. Make sure your nails are immaculate - get a manicure even if you don't
wear polish. I have mine done every 3 weeks and alternate between dark red, nude and grey nails. Use a nice pen rather than a biro (doesn't need to cost a packet) and a proper note pad rather than the stationary cupboard issue. Consider seeing your doctor for a propanol prescription to reduce anxiety in the most pressurised situations like presentations. Everyone in grad land is nervous and wears a costume - sometimes that's clothes other times a false air of confidence. If you are clever, creative, diligent and innovative you will do well. It's not a beauty competition. Hugs

Oh stuff these perfect groomed women! - they make me sick! I am sure that you would be better company.

Can't see the problem - just be yourself and proud of it.

OP, you sound like my kind of girl. Quirky, different, sensitive and funny. I’ve worked in offices for years and am the suited and booted type. I once worked with a girl who dressed in a very quirky way. She’d buy charity shop stuff... Old lady skirts with amazingly clashing jackets. She became an absolute legend in the office, not because she always looked fantastic, but because she was daring and just had a unique look. Much more interesting than the rest of us. I admired her for that.
Are you getting any exercise? I know one thing that sends my mental health spiralling down is lack of exercise. It has the added bonus of toning everything up and boosting confidence. It might not the whole answer but it might help.

Do you work in the city? If so there’s probably either a gym at work or nearby - join it. Exercise will help you - sounds like you’re stressed anxious and it may also help you lose the weight you think you’ve gained...

Also, I’ve always been the fattest woman around in investment banking (started off as a size 16 am a 12 now which is the smallest I’ve been), prefer to dress in clothes a size or two bigger, but have been promoted far and above better looking colleagues because of my work ethic. You’re being down on yourself for no reason.

Op, I'm going to echo all the pp who have told you to get help or consider leaving the corporate world.

I was similar to you when I was young. My clothes always looked scruffy, my hair was (and still is) a curly frizz and I couldn't walk in shoes with heels as I'm flat footed. Believe me when I say that you will be told if your appearance isn't up to scratch. I was sacked for not 'fitting in', being too blunt with everyone and not talking in appropriate corporate language to clients. It was the best thing that ever happened to me as I found out I was dyspraxic which explained my clumsiness and plain speaking tendencies!

I changed careers 30 years ago and became a very successful tutor in my degree subject. My students actually admire my clothes now as I tend to wear lots of bright colours in styles I feel comfortable wearing.

Think about what you can do to feel more confident and happy in yourself even if it means leaving your current job. Life is much too short to feel as unhappy as you sound at the moment.

When I look good, I feel on top of the world and can be the life and soul of the party! I am confident and at ease.

Yes I recognise this. I do blame influence from media as I was growing up (and I’m a zennial so god knows what it’s like now). Age and probably having children has helped me gain more confidence. It fits sound like your self esteem and self confidence are on the floor. I found it hard at uni as I suddenly found people around me were very fashion conscious, and of course everyone was judging on looks. I’d previously been very happy in jeans, shirt and dr ms.

There’s a book called the Afluenza Virus that talks about how we are more depressed the more advertising and media we are exposed to.

Whether or not you have asd is in a small way irrelevant as your symptoms still need to be dealt with. I do think as others have said that cbt would help. Martial arts also helped me hugely for some reason - I guess as we focus on doing not looks! And maybe consider leaving the corporate world. I hate that kind of world. I like what I do as comfortable clothes matter! And shoes I can run in!