to let my 13 year old take a 12 hour flight alone

[caffelatte100]

My 13 year old DS is booked to take a flight from Europe to Asia to stay with a grandparent for his half term holiday. We will take him to passport and then he will be met by grandparent the other side. It is a direct flight with no changes. Just to be clear, he will not an accompanied child (e.g. he will do it all alone with no assistance) and he will have to collect his suitcase. He's flown a lot, travels independently on trains and buses by himself everyday in the country where we live.

I was feeling confident that he can manage it really well and that this would be a really exciting trip for him, enriching for both him and his grandparents who also have lots of great things planned for him. However, when I was telling a friend about this today she couldn't believe that I would let him fly alone and almost accused me of being reckless in my decision. She also told me that other airlines don't let kids fly alone until they are older and that this must be for a reason. He's flown lots of times, speaks the local lingos, is confident and could ask for help if he needed it and he looks after his things. The only thing that I am nervous is the small possibility that he might become ill on the flight. AIBU to let him do this? Do you have any last minute advice I can give him?

I'd let him. I was totally confident around airports at that age and had many friends flying too and from boarding school unaccompanied.

Much less risk than a bus or train as so heavily regulated and controlled.

I would send him with a notebook of 'what to do if this happens' - written, not on his phone in case of battery running out. Things like 'flight delayed' and 'lost luggage' - whatever you can think of. Not written in a panicky tone, more 'this is what mum would do if...'.

And a PP brought up someone not letting a 13 year old use a lawn mower - I'd actually be more likely to allow a 13 year old to do an unaccompanied flight than use a lawn mower, moving things with blades are more dangerous, especially when they're not designed for your height!

That said: the chaperone might be ideal for the first time. Or, if it were possible this close to the flight, could you do a short haul with him but let him lead you? So you're there, but he does the thinking?

I traveled alone on my first flight. I was 9 and went from London to Stockholm.
My second flight was with my 10 year old sister when I was 13. We traveled alone from London to Sydney.

No problems.

Susan
Or, if it were possible this close to the flight, could you do a short haul with him but let him lead you? So you're there, but he does the thinking?

We did just this in the summer! He could do it!

I'm liking the idea of the notebook...

I flew half way around the world by myself when I was 13 or 14 to visit grandparents. I was fine but my mum really drilled into me stuff like "find someone in an airport uniform if you need help" and so on. Depends though how mature your son is. Tbh if I was unsure I would just pay the little bit extra and get him accompanied. From memory it wasn't that much (did same flight accompanied also).

I am not sure why people are so concerned about the things that may go awry (and if anything I am an over thinker and a worrier). In my dd's case when she flew solo, if on the outgoing journey her flight had been delayed or overbooked she would have rung me for advice and I would have pitched up at the airport if necessary. If at the other end her luggage hadn't arrived - again she would have rung me for advice.

There's not a lot that can go wrong that can't be dealt with.

To be perfectly honest I was more worried about the marginal possibility that on the flight she could be seated next to an inappropriate and predatory man - we discussed this in advance and talked about what she should do

DD2 flew to the US on her own at this age - she was fine and has done it several times since. DD1 flew to Moscow at 15, also fine (and she is scattier than DD2!). The biggest problem we had was with UK Immigration when DD1 flew back from Turkey (aged nearly 17) with a friend and her family - UK Immigration refused to land her initially, as she "couldn't prove she hadn't been to Syria." She had been on a walking holiday, as evidenced by her hiking boots and back pack, but they still held her up for over an hour, refused to call her father, who was waiting in Arrivals and were generally difficult. Apparently she should have had a letter from us allowing her to travel with her friend. Airline didn't need a letter once they were over 16, and buried in the gov.uk site, under the section on custody when parents separate, is a bit saying that if children travel on their own, with someone who isn't family, or with one parent, they need a letter of consent from the parents. We had missed this, and she had been to Moscow (and back) earlier, with no problems.

the unaccompanied minors service seems like VIP treatment - why would you not use it if it's an option?

How do you know what a child is capable of, if you never let them try?

It's not exactly rocket science to check in, get on a plane and off at the other side.

You've reminded me MrsSchadenfreude - in my dd's case Munich airport immigration did ring us in the Uk to check that dd was allowed to go to Munich and hadn't runaway. It might have been problematic I suppose if my mobile had been switched off or unobtainable. Good advice to do a letter giving parental consent to travel.

I have a 12 year old and a 14 year old and both could do this. We've flown often enough as a family that they know how it works - check in, security, watching the board for your gate. And until they are seated with their seatbelt fastened they can use a mobile. Plus in airports there are always loads of people to ask if you get lost or confused.

At the other end it's not an issue either really - everyone leaves the aircraft in a group, queues for passport control, heads to baggage reclaim en masse and then through to arrivals, where there will be someone waiting. Security is such that it would be practically impossible to get lost between stepping off the plane and the arrivals hall.

I flew to America regularly from age 12 alone. Not a problem. And I was a shy, nervous kid. But I had no problems travelling - it was speaking to people once I got there I didn't like! A flight is safe, enclosed and leaves you to read or do what you want.

the unaccompanied minors service seems like VIP treatment - why would you not use it if it's an option?

I agree, the UM offers a good service, my 10 year old used it for a short haul last year and we were impressed. We aren't using it for my son though as , firstly he didn't want it when we booked the trip and secondly, it cost an additional 100 GBP each way (so an extra 200 in total).

As we think he's capable we didn't go for it. It's just recently though that i got jittery but now I feel reassured with preparing him and from other people's experiences.

I've reached the age where I'm seen as ok to sit next to an unaccompanied minor since it's happened a couple of times now (I think they choose women of a certain age - I fly regularly, have loyalty cards and clearly check out as an entirely boring individual). I think it's human nature to want to help if a child is struggling - I've only intervened once when a much younger (and very shy) child clearly didn't like the food but would obviously help more - telephone parents etc, if there were delays or diversions. The airline staff aren't overbearing with unaccompanied minors but yes, they're whisked through security. I'd definitely opt for it.

I am so cheered reading this. So many people supportive of confidence building activities but aware that each child is different. My advice? Go for it.

My kids are 6,12 and 15 (tomorrow). The eldest two have done London - Singapore on their own twice indirectly with connecting flights. Once was unaccompanied but I didn't bother last year as they were quite capable on their own. My youngest won't do the journey alone but knows which way to go and can now read the connecting flight info as well. After dozens of long haul flights it's just like a bus, as someone said higher up. A bus with Coca Cola and video screens but a bus nonetheless.

If your child has a mobile phone you can support in the event of Uk issues. Arrival issues won't be a big deal as they usually stream you to the exit anyway.

Oh and do it before they look old enough to drink.... hmmm

At 13 (nearly 14), I flew on my own from San Francisco to Manchester, via Heathrow. Back then in America, anyone could go to the planes gate. So my dad left me at the gate with an air hostess. I was classed as an unaccompanied minor, so I was taken to my seat (then moved to first class so they could keep an eye on me). I was mostly left alone on the flight and I felt quite anxious about being alone most if the flight. On arrival, I was escorted off, my bags were collected and I was taken on a golf cart thing to my next flight. Landed in Manchester and was just left to my own devices which scared the crap out of me as I didn't have a mobile phone back then and I didn't get to see my family until I had cleared security on my own.

Given my own experience, I would never let my own children fly unaccompanied.

Having a WWMumD notebook might be a bit cringe for him, but it would give him something to turn to if you're not there.

I would worry a bit about security, though - more so if he's an ethnicity that's more likely to be 'randomly' stopped. Talk through with him how to behave if he gets the Extra Special Treatment?

I'd let him.

As long as you're sure he's mature enough to not mind asking people for help if he needs it - and obviously knows to ask people who work there not randoms - and will be calm enough if something goes wrong or he looses something.

I'd scan his passport if you can and keep a digital copy so it can be emailed in case of emergency and a couple of photocopies - maybe one in his suitcase and one in hand luggage? Doesn't hurt to be cautious.

Good for you OP and well done for bringing up a child you have confidence in. If you were in any way unsure about his abilities, I'm sure you wouldn't have booked the trip in the first place. I have 5 children, all of whom were flying on their own from a very young age (late husband worked abroad in constantly changing locations). We used the UM facility, which they loved being driven around on little carts until they were about 12 and after that we didn't bother. Lots of really good handy tips from everyone. I used to pack a small hand bag with snacks, goodies, book etc and a few little surprises to make the journey go quicker. Also one of those neck pillows so they are more likely to sleep a lot of the way. He'll be fine!

If he's happy with it what's the problem?!
I first flew alone at 11 (although just an hour's flight to Europe). I felt sooo grown up!! "my parents left me at security and my gran picked me up. My dad wrote down what to do and where to ask for help, and I had money for a cup of tea! It was fine... Now I always seem to fly alone and am a very experienced traveller!

He's an experienced flyer so will actually have encountered a lot of routine problems. Obviously you will have taken the lead in those situations but he will have been through those with you and, unless entirely oblivious due to being glued to a screen at the time, should have retained some information about how you dealt with it. I didn't really fly at all until my 20s and was quite thrown the first time my plane changed gate, was cancelled, people were being bumped etc but that was entirely due to inexperience not age.
Before he flies, I think you need to do a very basic walk through (Topsy & Tim go on an aeroplane may assist in this!) and go through the various options of what might go wrong where and who best to seek help
from at the different stages.

I hated UM. Being put with a load of kids, condescended to when I was (imv) perfectly capable of dealing with stuff. Admittedly, there were fewer shops to be distracted by and it was less of a hike to the gate. The former is the issue..

But if you've worked through the delay, emergency, baggage, customs/visas issues, honestly no sweat. And if like you he's thoughtful and courteous, which he will be, he'll get extra help from all the airport officials who will be delighted to see a nice polite courteous teen.

As long as he has no problem asking for help, then yes let him do it. He can ring you if there is a problem, and ask airport staff for help.

If he is reasonably independent a gate change should be straightforward anyway. If there is a flight delay, make sure he has money to get drinks and food. But obviously tell him to ring you if the flight delay is a long one. And make sure he has a safe place to store passport and boarding pass. And there really isn't that much that can go wrong anyway as you are taking him as far as you can go. The only thing I would be emphasising is he doesn't hang around in shops and miss his flight. Emphasise that he needs to get to the boarding gate at least 30 mins before his flight time.

Diverted flights are very rare. If you were unlucky enough that this happened, he needs to phone you and talk to cabin crew. And if this happened, there would be plenty of adults panicking and talking to cabin crew.
But I have flown lots and never had a diverted flight. Normally only happens if there is a big incident e.g. terrorist or bomb attack or natural disaster that means an airport has to close.

Some people are talking here about all kinds of catastrophes that are not going to happen.

I think he will be absolutely fine. It’s a direct flight and obviously not his first time flying. Make sure he’s clued up with passport control etc the other side and he will be absolutely fine!