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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my 13 year old take a 12 hour flight alone

126 replies

caffelatte100 · 11/10/2017 21:17

My 13 year old DS is booked to take a flight from Europe to Asia to stay with a grandparent for his half term holiday. We will take him to passport and then he will be met by grandparent the other side. It is a direct flight with no changes. Just to be clear, he will not an accompanied child (e.g. he will do it all alone with no assistance) and he will have to collect his suitcase. He's flown a lot, travels independently on trains and buses by himself everyday in the country where we live.

I was feeling confident that he can manage it really well and that this would be a really exciting trip for him, enriching for both him and his grandparents who also have lots of great things planned for him. However, when I was telling a friend about this today she couldn't believe that I would let him fly alone and almost accused me of being reckless in my decision. She also told me that other airlines don't let kids fly alone until they are older and that this must be for a reason. He's flown lots of times, speaks the local lingos, is confident and could ask for help if he needed it and he looks after his things. The only thing that I am nervous is the small possibility that he might become ill on the flight. AIBU to let him do this? Do you have any last minute advice I can give him?

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 11/10/2017 21:46

If your child has flown many times before then he will likely find it a breeze.

My dd has anxiety and is not very confident in many situations but she flew unaccompanied (admittedly short haul) when age 14 to stay with a friend. She found it no trouble at all. I think its probably because she has flown long haul with us during family holidays a couple of times per year from being a toddler

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 11/10/2017 21:48

I flew to the other side of the world by myself when I was 15, to stay with family I didn't even know. It was my first ever flight and I managed just fine.

StEthelburgaOfBarking · 11/10/2017 21:49

I would have no problem at all with this. My DD started to do similar aged 12. So long as there is someone at the other end to meet them (or a taxi booked - I have always arranged this with taxi firms in advance), I see no problem with it at all. That said, her older brother is at boarding school 300 miles away and has had to get himself there and back from 13+, so she thinks it's normal. In my experience, children rise to whatever is asked of them, and learn something when it goes wrong (as it does with the Boarder, who has not yet managed to catch the train he has been booked on).

Anon8604 · 11/10/2017 21:50

Is there a reason not to use the unaccompanied minors service? If he's happy entertaining himself on the flight then it wouldn't affect that, but would mean there's support there for him if there are issues like a flight delay or missing baggage?

kateandme · 11/10/2017 21:51

Card with ur numbers on it.incase of emergencys and others need to locate u.
Emergency routine terrorism etc.flight delays or cancelled plan.
Snacks.
Tell an attendant.
What if at other side relative couldn't get there plan.
Lookup layout of Asian airport.
Essentials in hand luggage incase of lost luggage.

nightshade · 11/10/2017 21:53

How does he feel about it?..sometimes capable kids mask feelings of insecurity..

I think it's a case of striking the balance between finding out any fears he may have and not heightening them...

I sometimes tell my kids lighthearted lynne about all my concerns and anxieties and then they will readily tell me how they would deal with them...once I feel satisfied that they are happy then I agree that we'll go through with it.

OlennasWimple · 11/10/2017 21:54

The best bit about the unaccompanied minor service is that they are a priority at the other end, so they don't have to wait very long for their cases and they get whizzed through passport control.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 11/10/2017 21:56

I remember being put on a train from Manchester to South Wales when i was a similar age. This was early 90's so no mobiles.
I was very proud of myself.
At least with a plane they can't get off at the wrong stop.

It sounds perfectly safe and planned out to me.

SuperStormborn · 11/10/2017 21:58

I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine,OP. A direct flight is the best thing as he won't have to change and can just occupy himself with movies for the duration of the flight. Is there any way you could make sure a flight attendant is keeping an extra eye on him though? Or maybe ask for someone to make sure he gets through security and boarded safely.

Original poster
caffelatte100 · 11/10/2017 21:59

How does he feel about it?..sometimes capable kids mask feelings of insecurity.

He feels fine about it, he's just a tiny bit nervous, but that's understandable.

There's some really good tips here, I am making a list of last minute things to go through. Thank you so much everyone.

OP posts:
goodbeans · 11/10/2017 22:02

Yep, I used to fly from the UK to the US alone from age 12, it used to make me feel very grown up! If he’s happy with the arrangement then I think it’s a winner!

Original poster
caffelatte100 · 11/10/2017 22:04

Is there any way you could make sure a flight attendant is keeping an extra eye on him though? Or maybe ask for someone to make sure he gets through security and boarded safely.

I think he can get through to the right gate, I'm telling him to go straight there, no shopping or looking at the electronics and call me so I know that he's right there.
It'd be nice if someone could keep an eye on him on the plane though I guess that's what the accompanied service is for. We talked to him about that and offered it to him when we booked the flight, but he didn't think that he'd need it. Still, I might mention it to when we hand over the bag...

OP posts:
BusyBeez99 · 11/10/2017 22:04

I travelled by coach from the south to the midlands alone aged 12 with two changes. No mobile phones back then either. Loved every minute of it

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 11/10/2017 22:07

I was flying regularly, unaccompanied at 13, within Europe to and from boarding school in the 90s, and so were lots of my peers. Admittedly mine was only an 80 minute flight but I had friends who did long distance intercontinental flights unaccompanied. Never had any problems myself and never heard of anyone else having any. Had to check in my own luggage, find the correct boarding gate, get there on time etc and then collect up my stuff at the other end before finding whoever I was meeting. By the time I flew unaccompanied, I had already been doing the same journey accompanied by my older sister for several years so it was second nature. The only thing I would warn against is that I used to get offered alcohol on the flight! Back in those days, Lufthansa always handed out a miniature bottle of wine with the meal and the flight attendants never took mine out or checked my age. I used to arrive at the airport with cheeks glowingGrin

MammaTJ · 11/10/2017 22:07

My 12 year old would be perfectly capable of this. I know 100%. She is always on a mission to get things sorted. You know, if I want something specific in the shop, she will not entertain looking, she will approach a member of staff and ask them for it. She would be better able than me to get herself through an airport.

You know your child. YANBU!

Allthebestnamesareused · 11/10/2017 22:09

He'll be absolutely fine.

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 11/10/2017 22:09

Or 80s even. I seem to have inadvertently lied about my age Grin

Original poster
caffelatte100 · 11/10/2017 22:12

Back in those days, Lufthansa always handed out a miniature bottle of wine with the meal and the flight attendants never took mine out or checked my age. I used to arrive at the airport with cheeks glowing

Brilliant!!! Probably more dangerous for my son to travel alone at 15 or older than now, at least he doesn't like wine!

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 11/10/2017 22:16

I would have been fine at that age I think, but my siblings would not have been. It really does depend on the child.

And who the airline is. No way would I suggest a child going alone on a budget airline.

Frisbeefreedom · 11/10/2017 22:18

I flew unaccompanied long haul from 12, absolutely fine if he's familiar with the flight and the destination, and is confident enough to ask for help (changed gates, lost luggage etc). You could ask the check in staff to mark his bags as priority, so they come off first. Personally I'd say book the unaccompanied service for this flight, then he'll be absolutely fine to do it without the next time. A lot of airlines don't offer it any more, so worth using whilst it's still around! Even without though, he'll be fine and I'm sure will get more attention from staff as he's flying alone!

UmmKultum · 11/10/2017 22:19

Actually the accompanied service is for before and after. On the plane, other than the cabin crew being made aware that there are unaccompanied minors, they don't get any special service

Nocabbageinmyeye · 11/10/2017 22:23

Not a hope in hell would I do it but I am clearly in the minority. That said we are in a rural area with no public transport so dd would have no previous version experience of navigating transport alone maybe I would feel differently if she did

pisacake · 11/10/2017 22:23

It's fine. My DS just did this, he has autism and is a bit clueless and he managed to change airports (connecting flight) and not lose his passport or anything.

pinkingshears · 11/10/2017 22:25

Gosh. My 13 yr old cant get out the door with his bag and coat.
Good for your ds!

pisacake · 11/10/2017 22:26

Neither can mine, but we made it as simple as possible (one carry-on bag, checked-through from start (UK) to end (Indonesia)) and he knew his flight numbers and so on so it was ok.