To think it's hilarious that friends who turned their backs when I was suffering from severe anxiety are posting mental health day awareness posts on Facebook!

[Daisym0use]

Just that really. So easy to look good on fb but actually be a sh*t friend!

I posted on FB about how ;amusing it was that so many were supporting MH Day, yet my urgent referral to CMHT had gone unoticed for 48 hours at the last check.
NOT A DICKEY BIRD FROM ANY OF THEM>
No one asked how I was, what was happening....
I think the taboo is still firmly in place and unlikely to shift anytime soon. Makes me sick to my stomach. So much for Harry and Wills making mental health a fab thing to hug.
Fuck it all

On if my 'friends' once said to me as a tip, that 'people like people who take care of themselves'. Implication being my mental health issues were due to my lack of self care, and that being the reason friends had disappeared. Nice.

fake I know. Sometimes I regret ever saying anything about it given the responses from those who give the "we care" song and dance.

lolaflores I hardly tell anyone about my MH issues now - rejection and comments from the past make it easier to keep in, and if I don't tell anyone, they are none the wiser!

Did they know?

A lot of people on here think it should be obvious they're in crisis because they're not posting on social media but unfortunately it really does need to be clearer than that.

People often post on here with a much clearer and stronger call for help than they've made in real life.

So many people are full of shit and try to present themselves as saints. In reality it is very different. Yep it is total bollocks OP and I am glad you can see the funny side.

I get all pissed off with the pro-SN bullshit that gets posted by people i know to be horrible and judgemental and who tolerate their own kids bullying those with SN. Fucks me off so much. I wish I could laugh at it like you.

As a poor mental health sufferer I'm grateful for anything that raises awareness because it might encourage others to get the help that they need. Facebook campaigns can be a bit twee and I can understand why it can wind people up, but it is a large platform that can reach a lot of people so I think it's still worth it.

I also sympathise with those posters who are saying it can be difficult to support someone with a mental illness, I know that I for one can be difficult at times because of mine.

I've also been in the position of being cut off by friends who I suspect had a mental health issue. I tried being supportive and reaching out but my attempts were ignored. It's a fine line between being supportive and reaching out, and being a pain and I don't want to invade someone's space when they really don't want to talk to me.

I suppose there is some hypocrisy in posting the Facebook Mental Health Awareness Post, if you've deliberately ignored a friend going through a crisis in the past. Even then it might be best to try and give someone the benefit of the doubt, there are so many factors and hidden things going on in people's lives that you never really know whats going on. Maybe some people regret not being able to help in the past? Who knows.

You have no idea how much any of those people are already doing to support others in their life who are closer to them or more in need, or what they are dealing with themselves. For example I actually work in MH spending 5-6 hours per day giving therapy to clients, as well as volunteering for a suicide line 3 hours per week and I am always there for my close friends, the past month driving 100 miles twice per week to visit one who's in hospital. I also have depression. I've had new friendships develop where it's become clear the person has severe MH issues and despite being a new friendship, my being a MH professional and volunteer seems to cause them to feel that I am somehow there for them personally whenever they have a crisis to give emotional support/therapy (which i would never do for a friend!) and got quite nasty when I took a step back and advised them to seek professional support.

People have finite resources, energy, empathy. I often joke to my OH I have no fucks left in the bag to give at the end of the week. People do what they can and what they feel is appropriate and personally I feel that any awareness raising is a good thing even if it's all they're able to do x

I agree with zzzz. If somebody is already aware you have a mh problem, then they are unlikely to share their own problems with you, which then gives the impression they are being unsupportive.

Even the 'my door is always open' shouldn't be viewed as an open invitation that the person can take on any/ all problems. Different conditions will clash with different needs. One person might be fine supporting x & y issues on top of their own, but struggle with any support towards the relatively milder symptoms of z condition. And just perhaps some of those people are desperately hoping that just this once their dependent friend/s will be the strong one because they need support this time.

Fake I view that statement slightly differently. People who want support tend to want people they think are strong. Meanwhile many strong people quite rightly don't want to be forced into a role where they always have to be the dependable one. Not because they are cold and heartless, but because it's very draining, especially if that person has their own problems.

You can have all the mental health issues in the world and actually be an arsehole - separate from the MH issues. We know this because there are people who suffer some quite astonishing problems and are still clearly good people.

Added to that, many many people are bumbling along with low-level MH problems and simply cannot take on the problems of a friend who's being unpleasant to them. I've been in this position myself. Someone I'd thought was lovely became very unwell and treated me very poorly. Whilst I know it was partly to do with her MH (and partly she didn't actually like me), no way was I personally well enough to "be a good friend" to her. (I am sure in this case she give no shits about that.) I think that is actually ok.

lolaflores that is very hard but bear in mind Facebook shows people stuff willy-nilly now, the algorithm is all over the place. Also, I 'unfollow' some people not because of who they are, but maybe they haven't got their 'likes' set to private, so every second post on my feed is something random that they've liked - it makes my feed messy.

I disagree. Generally, these posts are good. Fine. Raise awareness.
The OP had a different problem. A particular friend who Manipulated her into going out, to place she didn’t want to go to. to be fair, that friend is just a shit friend.

It’s not specifically to do with mental health or mental health awareness. eit’s just the person is a ‘user’.

It's the repost to show you care bullshit. Mostly the people who repost couldn't give a shit about you when you're having a hard time - or even when you're not. These are not the people who help those with MH issues and then have to back off before they suffer more themselves. These are, nearly to the man, on my FB at least, the ones that would walk over you if you were lying in the street. It's a total lack of self awareness.

Anxiety is very hard to deal with. Eventually, if the person continues to have the same level of anxiety, without it getting any better, it can be very difficult for the friends and relatives.

Difficult for the person living with anxiety too

I think the friends I lost due to my anxiety were just shit friends. I didn’t actually discuss my problems or burden them. It was just that I couldn’t always socialise and wasn’t life and sole of the party when I did. Some friends have just completely shut me off and just don’t bother with me anymore. I tried really hard to keep in touch but you end up feeling like what’s the point. Lately I’ve decided to just use my energy on my few good friends and sod the rest. I’ve got a lovely dh and 2 great kids.

Daisymouse that sounds very healthy tbh and not just for people with anxiety issues.

Tbf you can’t really blame the friends.

Friendship is it two-way relationship, based on communication and depth.

You may have previously explained you have anxiety. but then, if you didn’t at the time, go on to say : I’m sorry I’m having a bit of a bad time with the anxiety, because of this and that, then how are they to know?

You can’t maintain a friendship if no one comes out, never goes out for a drink, or to a party. With no explanation.

or doesn’t phone, crying saying please can I come round for a cup of tea?

I mean, if you don’t give to the relationship, the relationship itself naturally wilts and dwindles. that is true of any relationship, not just anxiety.

I did tell them oblamov, they just weren’t interested. I did my crying to my husband mostly. Some people seem to go out of their way to make you feel worse, like you’re just being a drama queen and making a fuss.
I’m much better now although I regularly feel quite sad how things turned out with some people I thought were friends.

And I tried really hard to stay in touch. I invited a friend (the one who used me to go out where she knew I wouldn’t want to go) round 7 times and 7 times she cancelled at the last minute.

Ahh ok.
So like I said : shit friends!! Not anxiety as such!!

Daisy it sounds like we've been through similar - the constantly cancelling friend especially, and I get that some people are busy and suffering with their own issues, but that's no excuse to let someone down time after time. It shows what they really think.

For the posters saying that people with MH can be draining and there's only so much understanding that someone can show - yes, you're absolutely right - but, when someone is clearly struggling you don't kick them whilst they're down. Most people I know with MH issues are actually very quiet about it. Every case is different. I made my close colleagues aware because I couldn't stand the thought of being assumed to be lazy and crap at my job. I'm a teacher, my job was very important to me. What I actually got back was a lack of understanding and I was pushed out of everything because these people just didn't understand. It's the classic thing that people do. And yet a lot of them post and share this bollocks about how their door is always open and their kettle on: they avoided me. So it really hacks me off.

Daisy I got rid of a fair few from Facebook because I felt like every post regarding work and work friends was a dig at me. It wasn't, they won't have given me a second thought but it hurt a lot. I've kept a few because I really would like to repair my friendships with them or at least get an understanding of what actually happened. It's closure.

I find some people are only happy when the focus of attention is on them, trying to turn the spotlight off them for a minute to actually tell them how you're feeling is a step too far for them.

As I get older, my tolerance for arseholes is getting less and less.

I see quite a lot of posts on here from people who are having a really bad time and are upset that nobody is there to support them. They explain what's happening, how they are feeling, and rightly gets lots of support from other MNers.

But almost inevitably, they haven't made such a clear cry for help in real life. They often think that it should be obvious they are in crisis because they're not posting on Facebook, or they turned down a social engagement they usually enjoy. I'm sorry, but in real life, you really need to give clearer signals than that. People have busy lives and their own concerns, and they aren't going to notice if one person hasn't popped up on the newsfeed or couldn't make a group activity. And even if they do, it's not going to scream, "Mental health crisis, intrusive thoughts, depression, anxiety, panic attacks...."

It's OK to ask for help. It's OK to be honest and clear about what's happening and what you need. But you have to tell people. It's just not fair to expect them to read all these secret signs.