To think it's hilarious that friends who turned their backs when I was suffering from severe anxiety are posting mental health day awareness posts on Facebook!

[Daisym0use]

Just that really. So easy to look good on fb but actually be a sh*t friend!

No worries Bahoo, it gets confusing with lots of different messages but it’s all good.
Cbt was ok but if I’m honest it was the medication that really helped. I can function a lot better now. I felt like I had a had a motor constantly running before and I was utterly exhausted.
I think you’re right that a lot of people want easy friendships but I’m trying not to dwell on the bad friendships but instead focus on the positive ones. I’ve also decided to get out and meet some new people, I joined the pta last night and actually enjoyed it.

I’m so sorry foofighter. I lost someone close to me the same way when I was very young. I still don’t know how to deal with it. What I can say though is that all I wanted was for my friends to just be there but I think it was the rejection that hurt me so it doesn’t sound to me like you’re someone who’d do that xx

Good for you daisy mouse I find walking or exercise helps too. Not sure if you are in the age bracket but I'm thinking arghh hormones but that's a whole other post. I think you are right focus on the people that can be there and put the others on the back burner so difficult to do. It dies seem unfair when you pick someone up and they don't reciprocate as to quote a friend of mine it's pamper time she deserves it , me time She deserve it, my life's changed so I'm too busy with new partner. I'm sure she does but let's hope she don't get dumped . Bitter moi

I agree. That it's not hilarious, it's a bit .

Mental illness acts as a shit filter OP...the people who aren't worth it fuck off, but the people who do stick with you are priceless.

A lot of people don't have the skills to help support people who are mentally unwell. People don't know what to say or are scared of saying the wrong thing. Some people would do well to remember that you really just need to listen.

My husband has a severe MH illness and I work with people with a variety of mental health conditions. It is a skill to be able to support someone through it.

It's really shit and I've also been the ill person who some turned from.

It's not just mental illness though. When my children lost their dad some people who I thought would be there weren't. It shocked me actually that some people who I thought would be there for us weren't and some who I thought wouldn't be overly great turned out to be our rocks.

OP

Op, I’ve suffered with anxiety so for you, it’s a difficult illness and not understood by many.
I would say that one of my friends has depression, and it took another friend calling me to say she was concerned for her well being, for me to realise how bad she was. I sent her a card, present and called her immediately. But what I’m saying is, MH issues are often hidden and maybe your friends didn’t know?

Perhaps it's not so much a rejection of you but more them getting on with their own lives and not having the capacity to deal with your illness. You might find yourself backing off from other people in the future as you go through life, if they require more of your time than you can give. You say you wanted your friends to just be there, and I think for them, for whatever reason, that was too much. As people have said, mental health can be draining, not just for the person suffering from it, but for those around you. Try not to hate them too much, it's just circumstances unfortunately, I very much doubt they set out to hurt you.

Yes I think the issue with mental health is that it is like an iceberg with 90% below the surface. People can't see how bad you feel and so they are ill equipped to support you.

There’s definitely times in your life when you learn who your friends are. They don’t even have to be very good at knowing what to do, just being there is what matters.
Yes, I always feel better when I run. I just do parkrun and I’ve done some 10ks this year so nothing long distance. I do love parkrun, such a nice atmosphere.
Its so helpful to speak to other people who understand. Sometimes it’s just so hard to find the right words to explain how you feel.

I don’t hate anyone tabby, I’ve never said that. I really miss one of them. The friends ive lost were fairly close and knew about my anxiety.

Mogul that’s a lovely thing to do for your friend xx

I would have been tempted to comment 'actions speak louder than words'

Op

Brene Brown has a good video on empathy.

This explains what most people want when they are in any kind of emotional pain.

Sometimes people just can't keep on giving and have to make choices about where they can continue to "be there" for someone suffering from mental health or not.

Sometimes people just can't keep on giving and have to make choices about where they can continue to "be there" for someone suffering from mental health or not.

That is very true. I think it's a bit of a kick in the face for OP that they care it's MH awareness day on FB but turned their back on her when she needed them.

It's understandable that people can't always keep giving, but the ostentatious virtue signalling on Facebook grates, when it comes from people who wouldn't even ask you how you are. Or worse, when it comes from people who you know are intolerant and mean.

I’ll remember that one longdistance!

YANBU! My OH and I were talking about this tonight as his brother posted twice today about mental health awareness but only a few months ago thought it was funny to take the piss out of a disabled guy on fb who was going through a tough time.

I like that u2, empathy is much better than sympathy. I think you’ve summed up what my original post was about. How can supposed friends go months without contacting you (I tried for a long time btw) but like to make themselves look like great people by promoting awareness on fb?
I’m ok with it now, their loss.

yeh, that must really rankle.

I was a bit nervous about posting on here but it’s been a really interesting discussion and actually really helped me xx

That’s awful Rae, just goes to show how people don’t really think about what they’re doing on social media. Pretty sure he wouldn’t have done it to his face

I know. We were both disgusted tbh and OH pulled him up on it. He said it was banter; we told him he was a bully.

From the other side: it can be extremely distressing to support and try and help someone with mh issues.
To the point that some people (me) cannot cope long term.
I cared but did not know what to do. I felt useless.

YANBU

I know a guy who is massively bigoted & homophobic who shares a load of stuff about being an LGBT supporter

He has also been sharing the MH awareness posts (according to a mutual friend)

He & I have 'had a few words' and no longer speak, after he shared some posts about still births & I sensitively mentioned this to him and he said to my face 'oh no, it's not personal to me' and that he thought women 'love the drama' of things like that happening to them

WANKER

some people love to think they look good whilst simultaneously being dickheads!

Sorry you didn't have better support