To think it's hilarious that friends who turned their backs when I was suffering from severe anxiety are posting mental health day awareness posts on Facebook!

[Daisym0use]

Just that really. So easy to look good on fb but actually be a sh*t friend!

I sympathise. It's really hurtful when people, you thought were friends don't behave in a supportive of caring way and this story of thing can feel like they're rubbing your face in it. And yes there will be people who are doing it just to look good and don't give it much thought.

However, I would like to point out that it isn't just virtue signalling. I posted today - I work in a field related to mental health and have MHI myself - it's an issue I really care about.

It may seem trite but "just" sharing and talking about it can be helpful. One of the big problems with MHI is they can be very isolating so it can be a comfort to know others are in the same boat. Yes, it's just a small gesture in the scheme of things but it can make a difference.

*this sort of thing

That’s so true. It’s very easy to share posts on your FB page about issues like depression and anxiety; it doesn’t mean you know anything about what it’s like to suffer from those conditions. Speaking as someone who faces those conditions on a day to day basis.

We have the same "friends" OP! I thought the exact same thing today!!

YANBU about virtue signalling. I hate it and social media is full of it.
Judging friends is less black and white.

I have had to distance myself from friends with severe depression because I cannot be at the end of a phone for three hours every night listening to drunken incoherent complaints - I just can't. I have kids, an elderly parent , a job, a home, my own issues. I need my evenings and my kids need me too. I give what I can. I still love them.

I have also had two very bad bouts of depression lasting years and have a child with crippling anxiety. So I understand.

When ex P was going through a severe depression he was horrible - a bully, destructive, always in a rage, paranoid. I could not live with that every day - and I had to protect the children.

So YANBU about the virtue signalling but the rest.... depends on circumstances

Awareness is a great thing and it is good to talk about it. I’m sure most people who share the posts are genuine but sometimes I think people do it as a substitute for actual giving a toss.
I didn’t go on about it to the friends who dropped me it was just that sometimes anxiety strikes when you’re out with them and you have to deal with it. The crap prosecco friend used to go on about her abusive husband every time we met and I really tried to help her. Funny I see them around and she puts on such a front that everything’s ok and I know it’s not I feel bad for her but she’s shut me out of her life and I can’t help her.

YANBU. I see so many people post the "I'm always here to talk" bumpf, but if you actually reach the end of yourself and try to admit it they scarper pretty quickly.

I have a family member with severe mental health issues. I'm sure to her and the outside world it looks like i've just abandoned her when she needs me. The truth is far more complex and difficult than that, where to protect my own MH and the wellbeing of my children, distancing myself was the only thing left to do.
I've posted about WMH day on facebook, and i guess to some that might look hypocritical but its not. I care, a lot, and i gave what I could, but its not always possible.
Just a thought, from a different perspective.

Yes, my DB has serious MH issues, residual schizophrenia, but I’ve had to pull away from him for the sake of my own mental health, because of his role in the SA that took place during our childhood; he was abused himself but he also did things to my DSis and me.

I’m sure he feels that I’ve abandoned him, but I’ve had to put my own mental well-being first, and my responsibilities to my DDs, who are my first responsibility.

As others have said it may not be deliberate, they might have problems of their own and therefore unable to support yours.

Depression and anxiety are often very selfish in themselves. The sufferer isn't selfish, but the illnesses can be, and other people can find those symptoms hard to cope with especially if they have their own problems.

I agree and I know other people have their own problems. I think it just goes back to my original point of why put on fb that your kettles always on and your doors always open when in reality it’s not x

I had a mate who suffered from anxiety and depression. I helped him through a difficult six months, it got to a point where he wouldn't leave the house. But I'd drag him to the pub once a week, and we'd just chat.
Strange thing is if I ever brought up my own anxiety he'd just dismiss it. That I was just being silly. Like because I wasn't on medication for it, it wasn't as important as his own. Now I appreciate he was having his own problems, and I'm sure my anxiety wasn't as bad as his but it still hurt to have my problems dismissed as silly.
It got worse once he got better and got a new job. Now he has different mates and I haven't seen him in a year. I dont believe anyone knows about his MH, and I wonder what will happen if it ever comes back.
But it also makes me think twice about ever helping anyone again.

some most people have zero empathy, it's all about them and facebook seems to be the perfect forum for them to talk about themselves and their greatness

Absolutely agree with that OP, I went back to work after my 2nd maternity leave and I really struggled. I was having treatment for PN anxiety at the time and it was obvious I was struggling. I told my department and they just didn't care, I seemed to be the weak link: I went on the sick after I heard a few hurtful things they said and done whilst I was on maternity, then I handed my notice in and left. I went back in on the last day of term to say goodbye and I told them I'd be coming in. No leaving acknowledgement despite there being presentations for other staff who were leaving. I'd been there 10 years and with the same department for at least 6.

This was in a school. When there was a MH drive they all started posting the things you've mentioned and it really hurt. They'd had nights out, days out, leaving parties etc and not one of them had even let me know about them. None of them even sent me a text to see if I was ok. But they all post these things on Facebook and other things which make them seem like the most lovely and understanding people in the world. When I left my job I honestly felt like they didn't care if I'd died.

In my mind that actually did more harm. If they posted things like that then they had the awareness, so it seemed as if they actually didn't care about me at all - like it was all done deliberately. Definitely more harm than good, and they don't even realise.

Luckily I'm fine now and I have another job o love, but it doesn't stop me from feeling so hurt that they didn't value my friendship enough to even say goodbye.

I think it just goes back to my original point of why put on fb that your kettles always on and your doors always open when in reality it’s not

cos it looks good, especially with a cutesy airy fairy picture beside it

YANBU at all. I hate the lack of sincerity on social media.

If only people practised what they preached on FB...the would would be a better place!

It's not even just mental health problems, I have a physical, but invisible, disability. After my diagnosis, some 'friends' made it quite clear they thought I was faking it or just being a bit lazy. Thanks for that

@MissWilmottsGhost, that was how my DSis’s abusive ex was. She’s had a problem with her back for years (childhood injury) and he accused her of being lazy and faking it. One thing my DSis is not and never has been is lazy!

I agree that these posts on Facebook can be horribly self-serving. Generally people who are genuinely kind don’t feel the need to boast about it on social media.

It sounds like my old workplace coffee break. They just ignored me when I was feeling bad but I’d be the first the make them a cup of tea and offer paracetamol if they were ill. There was absolutely zero understanding of mh issues there even though one girl had a psychology degree. Thy made me feel ridiculous for my anxiety even though getting myself up, ready and to work on a morning was a massive struggle for me.
A couple of months after I left they all had a night out including some other people that had left too. I had no issue with not being invited but it was pretty obvious that the post of fb tagging me was meant to hurt and it did. I unfriended and blocked the person, it was my way of taking control and not allowing the person to do that to me again.

Sorry not tagging me but everyone else that I used to work with

Spider I had a friend who had something really tragic happen to her and I helped her through it and was always there. She was nowhere to be seen when I needed help. I really tried to see her but she was just never available. I wondered if it was because she associated me with the really tragic thing and just wanted to move on. Either way I felt a bit sad that we lost touch.

Ssd, you’re spot on. There are some people who’s posts I really like but I’m so tired of seeing how amazing some peoples lives are. I do wonder why they have to constantly stop what they’re doing during this amazing time to take a picture and post it on fb. Surely it spoils the momentum?

I think this is very common OP. I've suffered from anxiety and depression at times and have had no support from "friends" despite their FBoasting about how they're door is always open and the kettle is always on bla bla bla... these are the very same ppl I have helped many many times yet when it comes to me needing support they vanish! I do wonder if it's because they see me as being strong and independent when in fact that's just not true. We all need help and support sometimes... all this has changed me and I don't think for the best. I've turned my back on people who have needed help recently because I feel so uncared for myself. Have nothing left to give.

Maybe they feel bad about that.

Well they can't feel that bad. They've not tried to get in touch with op and apologize for their woeful lack of support.

Its like that age old saying. You find out who your friends are

People say all the time. If you need anything, you know where I am.
However if you did actually turn up on their doorstep. They'd shit themselves. Its all just a figure of speech