To be cross at OH for telling DC she looked like 'she was having a fit'?

[Cheesecakeistheanswer]

DC (10) was having a strop at the weekend because she didn't want to do something - pulling faces and wriggling I suppose. OH's way of dealing with it was to say - 'stop it, you look like you're having a fit'. Later on he said to me he thought she was pathetic. I don't think she heard but I do think it came across in the way he spoke to her.

So AIBU to think he's being unreasonable?

He thinks she's too sensitive and I'm too indulgent. I think he's not going to get the behaviour (or relationship) he wants by speaking to her like that and he needs to find other ways of telling her off - I know DCs shouldn't be indulged. I just think he's made things worse.

Neither DC has been at their best this last couple of weeks. I think they're knackered from the new term. And that afternoon. we didn't have anywhere we had to be, so I let them stay at home and chill. Lo and behold, they were both much better by the evening.

Ha. Him! Not himz

YY. What deadgood said much better than I

@lozzylizzy haha me too - or “are you mad”

Its people turning indirect comments into direct insults.

If the world gets any more sensitive it will have severe dermatitis.

That's not the same thing at all.

Defending someone who told a poster to get a grip for mentioning a condition that can kill their child is despicable.

@peppapigearworm because there wasn’t many many other posters who said it was wrong to use the word “fit” never mind the fact the OP used it to explain what her childs dad had said to her.

Using the word “fit” IS the same thing as using “deaf” or “mad” too. They are all descriptive words that are also linked to disabilities.

no it isn't.
and anyway you mean seizure.

Fit:

a sudden burst of intense emotion.
"he had killed her in a fit of jealous rage"
synonyms: tantrum, fit of temper, outburst of anger, outburst of rage, frenzy, fury; More
informalpaddy, state, stress;
informalblowout, hissy fit;
rareebullition, boutade
"my mother would have a fit if she heard that"

Fit:

.
a sudden attack of convulsions and/or loss of consciousness, typical of epilepsy and some other medical conditions

So it applies to both having a tantrum fit and also an epileptic fit.

Glad thats cleared up and life is rosy and PC again

Needs to be pointed out how silly she was behaving but hate when people liken behaviour to having a fit. Dh has epilepsy and I think it's a very insensitive thing to say.

He is DCs' dad. I was there. DC ran off to another room, not to me. I didn't say anything while she was there. Thank you@deadgood, you're spot on.

Contempt is exactly the right word for the tone he used.

Meh, I have epilepsy and was hospitalised for 2 days following a major seizure last year; I wouldn't be offended by it. It's just a phrase, and has other definitions besides a seizure (see xqwertyx's post) A 10 year old is old enough to behave themselves and be told they look ridiculous when they throw a hissy fit.

Sorry for the assumption. I still think YANBU

@SugarMiceInTheRain

"hissy fit."

Who the fuck do you think you are. My Great-Uncle died from a snake bite.

Ridiculous over sensitivity here. Having a seizure is awful, looking as if you are having one when you are not is silly behaviour.

If you say someone looks rabid, is that discriminatory against the people in the world dying of rabies? Should we not use hysterical because it is sexist? Or a tortured look because it diminishes people who have really suffered torture? Or jaundiced as people die of liver failure? Etc etc

Most sane people can distinguish between using a word in one context and another.

To be cross at OH for telling DC she looked like 'she was having a fit'?
This was the original question.

Yes, you are being unreasonable to be cross. To an onlooker, she might very well have looked like she was having a fit. I know what a fit looks like. As I've said in a pp, if one's epileptic child has different types of fits, it's sometimes hard to tell. If my non-verbal dd is chuckling at the TV, or tapping her foot, it's hard for me to tell (if I'm looking from a distance, or from behind) whether or not she's fitting.
At such times I have to go and look her right in the face, speak to her, and see if she is responsive. Most times, she isn't fitting, just silently chuckling her hat off at Mrs Brown's Boys ( I know, I can't be held responsible for what she finds funny) or shaking a rattle out of my view, or just playing with something with her foot.

OP's updates have moved the goalposts from her original post. OH's behaviour seems to have become substantially worse, and dd's behaviour has been elevated to almost perfect.

As the mother of a 30 year old epileptic non-verbal woman, I would not be in the slightest bit offended if a stroppy 10 year old was told to cut it out because she looked like she was having a fit.
Lucky her. She's hopefully going to grow out of it. She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she has the capacity to 'grow up' so let's just get on with it.

I would welcome OH with open arms. He has her measure.

no it isn't.
and anyway you mean seizure

Oh for goodness sake, (and this aimed at others, not you)
Saying that somebody had a fit about something is NOT offensive.
Not even to somebody who has epilepsy! It's a figure of speech!
My daughter has epilepsy, I spend 2 months out of the year in hospital with her status epilepticus! But I still know that when somebody says they would have a fit if their daughter came home with a drug addict/mixed race person/lawyer/burglar/drug addict/Trump supporter/conservative/lesbian/ etc etc etc. . . .
I know what they mean and I wouldn't focus on the fit bit.
See what I did there? Fit Bit. I have one of those.

larrygrylls

Quite. Well said.

I'm sorry but perhaps she did look like she was having a fit? Having a fit has physical symptoms which apparently OP's daughter mimicked (unknowingly im sure). He never said anything against anyone who has ever had a fit. He hasn't said poked fun at having fits or living with the effects of epilepsy or such like. He has said that her physical reaction to not getting her own way was similar to the physical actions of someone who is fitting.
I don't understand what is offensive? I have had 2 fits in my life (which I know is not many) I'm aware how horrid it is when you 'come round' afterwards and you are disorientated, confused and (for me) highly emotional. Living with fits as part of your every day life must be exhausting and very difficult.

My dd has epilepsy. She has lots of fits. To varying degrees. Some petit mals. Some grand mals. Some focal. Some 'drop fits' She has the lot. She has heavy medication to ward off fits

If a friend or neighbour, or indeed anybody says " I lost my purse/my wallet/phone' or 'I looked at my bank balance and it was zero' or My dog escaped from my back yard and ran in front of a car....and 'I ALMOST HAD A FIT!!

It's a figure of speech. It is NOT offensive to people who are epileptic.
If it was going to offend anybody, it should be me who would be offended. But I'm not offended. In fact, I'm a bit pissed off with the people who think I should be offended. They are the ones who are making a big fucking deal of it.

It's a figure of speech. It is NOT offensive to people who are epileptic

You don't get to decide that. If I have epilepsy and it is offensive to me, then it is. You can't tell me otherwise.
And ffs, update your terminology. Petit/grand mals etc havent been the terms for years, neither is fit.

@Spamburrito - I haven't changed my story, but the responses have prompted me to add detail - and maybe work out what it was about the (yes relatively minor) incident that really got to me.

It was the way he spoke. That was it - it was the contempt in his voice. And it's not the first time he's been like that with me - or with her.

So yes, tell the kid off. Maybe I was overly sensitive about the wording.

But contempt is not OK.

Figure of speech, my arse. If you are not offended, great. I am offended by it. He needs to grow up.

@shhhfastasleep whats wrong with not acting grown up? My good friend has a problem that means she doesnt act grown up even thought she is an adult?

I am offended by your comment.

Lets look at it in real terms. "you look like you are having a fit!"

So what does a fit/seizure look like? In my house it can look like this: your child crashing to the ground, knocking their head hard on the floor. Body going rigid. Lips turning blue with lack of oxygen. A spreading puddle of urine. Some frothing perhaps at the mouth. Odd noises. Then eventually what seems like vaguely normal breathing, and copious vomiting, and crying and severe head pain. Then hours is a semi comatose state.

So yes, if your child ever looks like that, knock yourself out and tell them they look like they are having a fit. If not, count yourself lucky you do not have to do this on a regular basis, hoping this isn't the time they might die, as they have already almost done.