To be cross at OH for telling DC she looked like 'she was having a fit'?

[Cheesecakeistheanswer]

DC (10) was having a strop at the weekend because she didn't want to do something - pulling faces and wriggling I suppose. OH's way of dealing with it was to say - 'stop it, you look like you're having a fit'. Later on he said to me he thought she was pathetic. I don't think she heard but I do think it came across in the way he spoke to her.

So AIBU to think he's being unreasonable?

He thinks she's too sensitive and I'm too indulgent. I think he's not going to get the behaviour (or relationship) he wants by speaking to her like that and he needs to find other ways of telling her off - I know DCs shouldn't be indulged. I just think he's made things worse.

Neither DC has been at their best this last couple of weeks. I think they're knackered from the new term. And that afternoon. we didn't have anywhere we had to be, so I let them stay at home and chill. Lo and behold, they were both much better by the evening.

You insulted me which isn't allowed.

I'm not entirely sure you understand what disablism means? That you can't tell someone related to someone with health issues to get a grip?

Hmm.

I assume you'd accuse the father described in the OP of the 'D word' too?

Let me guess, you sing Baa baa rainbow sheep?

I wouldn’t use those words but I wouldn’t put up with a10 year old having a tantrum and would see that as looking ridiculous and she should be ashamed of herself.

Back your dh or she will be running rings round you as a stroppy teenager

get a grip. It's sad that your child has health issues but that isn't the point.

Very poor form.

Wow. Some people just have no idea how to behave, do they?

"Sorry, what's that? You said your child is being brain damaged by seizures and could die? GET A GRIP!"

Disabilist it not, why would anyone say something so fucking nasty?

@peppapigearworm

I think the image attached to the post said 'a thousand words'.

What does the poster's child have to do with the OP? You can;t go through life being offended where no offence is there and being told to get a grip is incredibly mild.

So now OP is posting a different scenario to the one in her opening post - I'm confused

YABU. Whats the issue?

How @Aridane? Just more detail about why this remark mattered I thought.

At 10 she really shouldn't be stropping. I agree that you have to watch your tone with children but you should also teach them how to behave

Do no one else's 10/11/12 yo DCs moan/stomp off/huff about things?? I'd have thought every single child of any age does it in some way. @Ttbb - do you have DCs? Surely they act up some times too?

Like I keep saying I completely agree with disciplining them.

I wouldn't have posted if this was the only thing that had happened in an otherwise rosy set-up. But it would be a f8ck^n essay if I did that.

I think some people are a little obsessed with picking apart every passing comment. This really is small potatoes

It's not.

I know people say it unconsciously but when someone talks about having a fit it actually triggers an anxiety response in me as my ds has epilepsy and at one point I thought he had died. It's something I could do without.

Id say exactly the same thing to a 10 year old throwing a tantrum.

I'm not bothered by the PC issue around the words used (I really don't mean to offend anyone here) although I don't think it's a phrase I would use in public. But what I'm seeing from OPs account is that she feels her OH is generally unsympathetic to the children and adopts a high criticism/ low warmth approach that makes OP feel the need to defend and comfort the DCs.
I was too lazy to rtft but from OP's OP I thought that he isn't their father.

And huffing about is a prerequisite for pubescent pre teens

Anyway imo YANBU for being cross with him

I think the OP's issue is that she's got a grown man in her life who is having a huffy every time he's not best pleased with something.

He is out-huffing a ten year old.

I think that's the gist.

He tries and disciplines and you defend, therefore she isn't bothered about the consequences as she runs to mummy for comfort when dad has

Because not one of the PC police have said “are you blind” to someone who cant find something that is right in front of them

been a meany. The expression used was probably a bit iffy but it wasn't meant to be insulting to those that suffered from fits but more like she was that hysterical she could not control herself!

To be honest if my 9yo had behaved like that I would have said he was acting pathetic and carried him up to his room to continue on his own until he had calmed down!

xquertyx I have had numerous conversations of 'Are you deaf' where DH has said 'Yer what?'

YANBU OP. I've read the whole thread but your meaning was fairly clear to me from the beginning - though it has been buried somewhat.

The problem here, apart from his bad mood in general, is that he was contemptuous towards her.

It is one thing to be grumpy around your kids or overreact. But there is very little space in a parent/child relationship for contempt. Any child detecting it in their parent will remember the feeling forever. And yes, it will damage her relationship with himz