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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this customer assistant was trying to prove a point in front of everyone?

114 replies

evergreenwools · 09/10/2017 17:42

Disclaimer: I may very well be being unreasonable. I am very hormonal and heavily pregnant.

DS is 4 and a bloody pain in the arse lately. He is at nursery for 15 hours a week and it's not long enough and he is driving me mad around the house tbh. I'm knackered. Anyway...

Was in local supermarket (small one) and girl on till saw my son asking for gum, I said to DS that he can't have any (I don't trust him with it) and said to him that she won't scan it for you and when he said that she will, she just smiled at him. Not helpful really. He really plays up on good attention. I know that's not her problem though.

I paid for the other stuff and went to leave it was busy and just embarrassing. He opened the packet on the way out, I went to a self scan to pay for it so less attention and she looked over and I said that he had opened it to lessen the attention and judgment from her and others as I assume they assumed that I was giving in.

She said oh don't worry you don't need to buy it. Then everyone was looking at this point and was thinking how nice of her that was and then my son screamed on the floor because he thought he wasn't getting it so I ended up saying don't worry and bought it. She then very loudly went "oh okay" and didn't seem very happy Confused then the next person went over to her and said "she clearly just wanted to buy it for her son" and I bet they all spoke about me.

Fuming.

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 09/10/2017 18:01

You said it yourself - you're tired and hormonal.

GET SOME REST! Make a cup of tea, sit and watch TV, and try not to get stressed about things. Look after yourself.

The assistant was trying to be kind, the people in the shop don't matter. The fact you're losing the plot a bit is a warning that you are over-doing things and need to make time for a bit of self-care.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/10/2017 18:01

You are venting at completely the wrong person. And as others have said you should not have said "she won't scan it for you". You had no business expecting her to make the decision on what you allow your child to have.

Lagerthaisfabulous · 09/10/2017 18:01

Op yabu. You know that really.

No one did anything wrong. Even the person who commented probably wasnt being judgy. Just thought you wanted to buy your son a treat.

Is there anything else going on? Or just usually feeling fes up in late pregnancy. Is there a back story around yours sons behaviour?

It comes across as you cant cope with gis behaviour and taking it out in others.

CandleLit · 09/10/2017 18:02

Objectively speaking, it sounds like you are judging others. You don't know that they were talking about you (they likely were not) and you're interpreting the way she sai "oh okay" in the worst possible light. It's a storm in a tea cup. Maybe distract yourself with something else for an hour an see if you still feel the same about this?

NeedingSolutions · 09/10/2017 18:02

OP, do you think it could be worth discussing this with your health visitor? They could assist you in finding ways to deal with the tantrums more effectively. Giving in is honestly going to give you such a headache in the future, you don't need that on top of your newborn. She may have the non judgemental objective view of an outsider that you may find helpful, or even a parenting course to give you a leg up for exactly this kind of scenario.

5rivers7hills · 09/10/2017 18:04

What the fuck? The shop assistant was nice.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2017 18:05

Op, do you have support, a partner, family, friends? Your reactions are extreme, anger, sensitivity, paranoia. You’re also over tired. Do you have someone who can help you?

Gottagetmoving · 09/10/2017 18:06

God, I wish people would stop calling children brats or 'bratty'!
It's usually the parents fault when a child plays up.

Pengggwn · 09/10/2017 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strawberrygate · 09/10/2017 18:06

can I take a wild stab in the dark here that your 4yo is prone to bad behaviour / tantrume.? if you say no, you have to mean no. Not no, as long as you don't strop in which case I mean yes.
very very basic rule in parenting

Original poster
evergreenwools · 09/10/2017 18:07

My DH is great but he travels for work and is often away 3 nights a week. When he's home things are much better.

Her age doesn't have anything to do with it, I was just explaining how she may not understand the struggles. She was definitely a teen.

I see I was overreacting, but I really did feel the judging from everyone.

OP posts:
strawberrygate · 09/10/2017 18:07

God, I wish people would stop calling children brats or 'bratty'!
It's usually the parents fault when a child plays up
whatever the cause, it doesn't alter the fact that some children have very bratty behaviour

MadMags · 09/10/2017 18:08

It was very likely more paranoia than judging.

thecatfromjapan · 09/10/2017 18:09

My dh used to go away when dc were small. It's exhausting and leaves everyone quite unsettled.

Please try and make sure you get more rest.

TheSparrowhawk · 09/10/2017 18:09

I'm surprised you're not over the judging thing by this stage. You'll have to get over it because it's part and parcel of parenting and if you worry too much about it it'll drive you mad and it'll stop you from parenting effectively. You have to follow through even if it means standing in the shop with a tantrumming child for twenty minutes.

Perfectly1mperfect · 09/10/2017 18:10

I can see 2 things wrong.

You paid for you shopping, not the gum but I presume you didn't take it off him and put it back on the shelf as he was able to open it.

Secondly, the person who made the comment at the end should have kept her opinions to herself. She obviously didn't know that when you paid for it that you didn't give it to him but regardless it's none of her business.

I think the lady serving was trying to help you by saying you didn't need to pay for it so was confused when you still paid.

Try to forget about it, anyone that makes comments about a struggling parent in a shop or negative comments on here about your child really are not worth your time.

JonSnowsWife · 09/10/2017 18:12

Fuming? Confused

Erm. DD once had a massive fuck off tantrum in the middle of a well-known shop, in the middle of the day, at their busiest period, over a bastarding kinder-egg. Also rendered unsellable when she dashed it across the aisle because I'd told her she could no longer have it for her poor behaviour. It was so out of character for her and I was SO embarrassed Blush

I went to pay for it and the very kind manager told me it was not needed. I snot cried on her out of thanks.

They do grow out of it OP. DD is 11 now. I prefer online shopping anyway Wink

bianglala · 09/10/2017 18:13

I dont think AIBU is a good place to vent when you are stressed out and hormonal. YABU but here Flowers

JonSnowsWife · 09/10/2017 18:14

Sounds like you've got a lot on bless you. Stop being so hard on yourself. Flowers

DD played up a lot with her brothers impending arrival. Her great aunt bought her a baby Annabel thing to help her look after and get her used to it. May something like this be a good idea for your DS?

Elendon · 09/10/2017 18:14

Have an early night and hand the son over to his father.

thecatfromjapan · 09/10/2017 18:15

JonSnow'sWife That's the sort of anecdote that produces hideous flashbacks.

So glad I'm past the toddler tantrum and no sleep for me stage.

(And anyone reading that comment and hating me for my smuggery- you will get there too. I'm offering hope - not smuggery.)

upperlimit · 09/10/2017 18:15

AIbu is the worst place to spend your time if you spend any time worrying about people judging you and your parenting.

From all the threads here, you would walk away with the impression that every tiny interaction with your child is noted and assessed by a variety strangers who are self acclaimed experts on parenting.

In real life, most people are far too distracted to care what you are doing and if they do I expect that they are a lot kinder - towards you and your child.

SummerTimeSoon · 09/10/2017 18:15

Wow some of you lot are horrible. Op, you're in a very stressful situation and it's not easy to see things straight in the midst of a public tantrum. I don't think the shop assistant was rude but then again I wasn't there to hear her tone of voice etc. The other customer was an idiot who needs to mind their own business. As for calling a 4 YO a brat or blaming his mum for 'bratty' behaviour..don't be silly, a 4 YO is so young and will still be learning acceptable behaviour and how to control his emotions, no ones fault it's a stage of development and no one needs to judge.

Elendon · 09/10/2017 18:16

Did you know her personally to say she was definitely a teen?

Your husband gets to have three nights of bliss away from stress. Open your eyes to this. He should be making up for it big, big time!

Slimthistime · 09/10/2017 18:18

yes OP YABVU

the shop assistant wasn't trying to prove a point

she was trying to be kind and save you trouble.

don't direct your stress at her, she didn't do anything wrong and was probably far too busy to register you saying you don't trust him with gum and if that was really the case, you wouldn't be giving in to a tantrum, so if she had heard it and was baffled, she covered that up too.

essentially she tried the kindest way to make minimal fuss.

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