To find play dates bloody awful

[Pinkpowerofthought]

My dd age 7 is very social. She goes to swimming class on a Thursday, dancing after school on a Monday and goes to after school club on a Friday and wants to attend another group after school on another day. She loves having people to play with as she is an only child.
She has two cousins the same age who live near by who she says once every week.

I have been approched several times by mums at the school gate for play dates. I always agree and arrange for them to be at the park or something as I hate having kids running riot in the house, they always make a massive mess and noise and when it comes to leaving they always start up and start complaining or refusing to put shoes and coat on.
I work full time and don't really have time for play dates and I'm always knackered after work so try to agree to a date on my day off.
I just had dd tell me I'm a horrible mum because I won't take her and her friend to the park after their club. I also wouldn't let her have her cousin over after school.
I fucking hate play dates. I can't be arsed with other people's kids and without fail I always get asked if friends or cousins can sleep over and get harassed by them all the time no matter how much I say no.
I have a physically demanding job. It's hard enough to come home and cook and clean without having other people's kids round. I just can't be assed with it.
Aibu or am I denying dd of the childhood she wants? An open door to all the bloody kids of the neighbourhood and school, play dates and dinner dates and sleep overs. Halloween parties for all and sundry.
I'm a introvert type of person and I think dd is the opposite from me.

I work and struggle to fit in playdates - so when Im off I occasionally invite 5 round at once. Its like a little party. We always take the dog for a longish walk in the woods, then they all play while I make tea - eat tea - parents arrive. No trouble and all kids sorted in one go. I then do occasional single ones and we arrange lots of days out in the holidays and occasionally at weekends. They are usually so I can have a natter with the parents though to be honest! We have a small school though so we all know each other pretty well.

Iron that sounds lovely I'm pinching that idea.

I've just had siblings the same age as mine over. They made a mess but they were happy. Still struggling to find an issue!

As others have said, yes, having friends round to play is VERY important to most children. You may not love them (the 'date' or the child!), but your DD will.

Crikey, you sound a treat
Surely when you become a parent you kind of sign up to your kids having friends over.

Obviously if you’re busy working it needs to be organised and maybe pre-planned but go with it. Won’t be forever and like PPs have said it should be a 2 way thing.

I kind of get where you are coming from OP. It’s so difficult with home, work and kids activities to fit anything in and when you do have five minutes the last thing you’ll want is to entertain other people’s kids. However, while I agree it’s not necessary to arrange lots of play dates perhaps a few times a month or in the holidays you could arrange something so your DD doesn’t feel left out. Maybe agree with your DD that she’s not to pester you or ask you after school with the other child standing beside her (my pet hate). Find some potential less busy times in the diary and get some stuff planned so she can look forward to it and you get to prepare and plan.

In very rural areas playdates are a thing of the devil especially if both DPs work full time and one of them beyond 8pm and everyone has to drive to collect DC. But that's another story. And the old days of letting kids free to play in the streets and parks with their siblings and friends seem to have gone in most cities.

OP I think your dd is having enough social life with school and after school clubs and seeing her cousins. She's 7. But you need to make sure she enjoys being with you and knows how to relax.

I'd sit down and ask her to plan what she would like to do with friends at weekends or once a fortnight during the week so you can organise for it - specify the number - two kids and no staying on during the week.

DO NOT GET INTO SLEEPOVERS. These are another thing of the devil which tend to leave young kids overtired, hyper and falling out with each other - and too tired to enjoy family life the next day and doing any homework in a relaxed way. One of them will always have something evil on a phone or a way with a laptop.

I know couple of mums so say blanket no to play dates (as is wont host - happy for their kid to go to others tho!) & I think it's a bit mean not to host the odd one as soon they'll stop getting invited to others Sometimes it's easier keep them entertained when they have a friend over but I get that there's mess & noise & often falling outs (esp girls!!) etc but it's all part of it. I only do them Fridays maybe once every couple weeks if they not invited anywhere. As they get older tho there's less toys so less that kind of mess anyway!

I'm just no good at playdates. I never had them as a child, never went on them either (I don't remember them being a "thing" when I was young, but my parents were never really into socialising more generally anyway)

My parents weren’t into socialising. Which is why I really wanted my children to feel happy about having their own friends and their own social lives.

MN is full

MN is full of posters who just don’t like other people much.

A blanket no to play dates. Ffs really?
I had kids over last night because dd2 little friend pleaded and I adore that kid.
Dd1 best friend was here this afternoon. They made my ears bleed I made them play upstairs. We survived.
Dd1 friends will be old enough to knock the door here on their own soon it will be lovely. I can't wait

You're doing it wrong! When my daughter has a friend over it's bliss for me it means I can do my own thing because she's occupied with whatever they are doing. Scary thing - sometimes I invite two friends of hers to come at the same time, shock horror! No need to get dressed and go to parks or play areas, can stay on the sofa with a book or do whatever without being badgered by a 6yo every 2 mins.

I was a child who never had playdates. It was miserable.

I am no extrovert by any means. Just reasonable human being who considers my child's needs.

Oh and I also work full time. But so is my daughter, at school. She deserves to have her time doing her thing.

Mine don't badger me though but maybe that's because they're a year apart so they badger each other .

www.reed.co.uk/career-advice/how-to-deal-with-bullying-in-the-workplace/

Wrong thread!