To think this is an awful idea?

[Darknessinthevalley]

My mum is 50 soon, a couple years yet but apparently we need to plan ahead. All told, there's 5 children, four with parents, and four grandchildren (currently, watch this space!) to consider. I'm a teacher as is my husband.
My sister wants us all to do a fortnight in a villa somewhere. She is outraged that I think this is a really bad idea. I've already been told I have to 'compromise' on my term dates.
Frankly, my family don't get along. We love each other and for short bursts we're fine, but two weeks? I can just see fights. Also, both my brothers have very little disposable income, and I don't want them overstretching themselves, I know they couldn't afford this.
I really want my mum to have a special birthday, of course, but a nice weekend away locally (UK), or a super fancy meal would be better and more manageable for all of us. I'm not sure where to go from here. AIBU to think this is silly?

I would ask your mum what she would like......when I turned 50 all I wanted to do was drink wine....eat chocolate....and snuggle up on the sofa....

Fish and family smell after 3 days.

Compromise on terms dates... yeah tell her to ask your head what he/she thinks of that! Two weeks for her 50th. All sounds excessive to me. I'm very simple, my hen do was simple.
I never do something that would demand a lot of money from
Others as I think it's wrong to assume everybody can afford it. Maybe get your brothers involved to tell her they can't afford that. For my sisters 30th we did a holiday cottage for a weekend (we did one night if it as our son was 16 months old at the time

Camelfinger😂😂

Just say no!!!!

This (your sister) sounds nuts!

1. you & yr husband are teachers, you can not compromise on term times!!!!
2. possibly putting yr brothers into debt!
3. has anyone asked what your mum wants to do?
4. let yr sister take your mum away, maybe join them for a weekend or spoil yr mum in some other way (meal/show etc)

I’m sure yr mum wouldn’t be happy with some of her children being put in a difficult situation.

I'm already 55, so I'm wondering what your sister will plan for your mother's 60th!

Seriously, try to find a way to have a calm discussion with your sister where you suggest that you, your mother and your siblings find a way to celebrate her 50th in a way that everyone feels comfortable with. You have a right to do this and, hopefully, everyone will enjoy themselves more than if they feel bludgeoned into an over-long holiday with people they don't particularly like. Does your sister try to dominate the rest of you at other times? Does she worry that she needs to demonstrate that she loves your mother more than the rest of your, or that she is in charge of your all? Her behaviour does make me wonder what her anxieties are. Good luck!

Lots of pps suggesting spa weekends. Check people like it, they are not universally adored. A weekend in a bathrobe having strangers smearing gloop on me would be my idea of hell. I'd rather rake leaves for 3 days, check your mum and siblings are all happy spa-goers.

So I've spoken to my mother and sister again.
My sister is quite difficult, loves the glory of the idea but hates the organising, I've opted out of a few family events now as it was too much hassle. So I'm already a 'disappointment to the family' (her words!).
My mum would categorically hate a spa weekend, as would I, and my grandmother (mums mum, who would also want to be there).
Through the national trust site we've seen some lovely big places, that mum wants to book for four days, with people coming for what's convinient, and although my sister has told me like eight times that she clearly loves mum more because she will put the effort in, I think it's all sort of sorted.
Obviously nothing is set in stone, it's still a ways off yet!

Our joint 50th was on our back garden. This allowed me to spend a shitload of money on alcohol.

...and to set fire to things.

Your sister wants to be your mum's favourite child!

Glad you've spoken to your mum. The NT place sounds much more sensible.

I’m with the YChromosome. Domestic debauchery all the way.

I did this with my ILs. I got away with a single week ("work, y'know, just can't get the time off...") and it was awful. On pins the whole time waiting for the next thing I had done wrong, by the impossible MIL standards she invented that day.

OH was made to stay the full fortnight. He came home a broken man.

NT sounds fun.

Ugh, sounds like a nightmare. A villa with extended family looks all idyllic, as you imagine sitting by the pool with wine, but that many people sharing is chaos. Even in a big place it feels cramped, and the place will get dirty and messy after a couple of days. Someone will always end up being the skivvy and have to organise grocery shopping and cooking, while others will lounge and get pissed. In my experience, these sort of holidays breed resentment pretty quickly. A fortnight would drive me to mass murder. And I like villa holidays in general!

If you must go away, choose a long weekend somewhere that’s a couple of hours by plane. Get everyone to book rooms or apartments in the same resort, so you can meet up in the evenings but have your own space too.

I don't ever get these HUGE celebrations for milestone birthdays. Yes - if you can all afford it have a 2 week holiday but surely a big family lunch somewhere with presents would be enough for most normal people?

OP. Why not do a 'festival' for the birthday day. House with a camping fields sounds fab. Surley her camping friends have guitars or do a bit of facepainting. There must be a couple of local bands/musicians that would play for a small fee. Someone could rig up a good BBQ or hog roast.

I would actually suggest somewhere with a group of small cottages, that way you're not all on top of each other and it won't be the same people responsible for all the cleaning/washing up and you have somewhere to get away from your sister

Well I see that your mum doesn't like Spa weekends. That's a shame because I would have suggested a special birthday meal for your mum with all the family, and then either a Centreparcs Spa Weekend or Evening spa treat with you, your sister and your mum (and possibly one or two of her friends).

I can recommend - hubby treated me to this on my 40th, and I've been on weekend breaks with groups of friends to Centreparcs with evening spas - really, really relaxing. Lying in a heated outside pool with snow coming down was magical. Girl time!

However if she's not into that sort of thing then you need to think again. Personally if the family don't really all get on, I'd be thinking on a variant of the above, a special meal with a special weekend break surprise arranged for your mum with either you and your sister/ or for your mum to take a couple of friends with her.

But whatever you do, it needs to be something your mum would enjoy. Two weeks in a villa sounds fab, but if family doesn't get on and it will cause problems with work and financial hardship for your brothers, your mum is not going to enjoy that. If I were you and your sister, I'd be have confidential chats with some of her friends to see what they think she'd really like. She might be happier telling her friends honestly what her birthday 'heaven' and 'hell' might be than keeping a politically correct line with the family. You might be surprised what they find out.

Good luck! I sympathise - I've got to sort out a special birthday for my hubby's 50th next year and he's vetoed all suggestions so far!!