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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an awful idea?

121 replies

Darknessinthevalley · 08/10/2017 11:21

My mum is 50 soon, a couple years yet but apparently we need to plan ahead. All told, there's 5 children, four with parents, and four grandchildren (currently, watch this space!) to consider. I'm a teacher as is my husband.
My sister wants us all to do a fortnight in a villa somewhere. She is outraged that I think this is a really bad idea. I've already been told I have to 'compromise' on my term dates.
Frankly, my family don't get along. We love each other and for short bursts we're fine, but two weeks? I can just see fights. Also, both my brothers have very little disposable income, and I don't want them overstretching themselves, I know they couldn't afford this.
I really want my mum to have a special birthday, of course, but a nice weekend away locally (UK), or a super fancy meal would be better and more manageable for all of us. I'm not sure where to go from here. AIBU to think this is silly?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 08/10/2017 20:51

Then she’d probably prefer the money spent on camping stuff or some fabulous books?

Or a glamping night away for all of you?

Original poster
Darknessinthevalley · 08/10/2017 20:55

Motherinferior, she camps in her van, doesn't need anything unfortunately! I'm not short of gifts for her mind, she's a lovely woman but very well off, so buys whatever she fancies.
Also, sorry to make anyone feel old! My mum had us young and we've all married young, I'm 22 and been married 3 years. And there's some step family in the mix as well, it's all a lot to negotiate.
She likes the idea of a big cottage, because then her camping friends could come to the party as well!

OP posts:
Doramaybe · 08/10/2017 20:56

Darkness,

Camping with a book, well she won't get far without a tent.

motherinferior · 08/10/2017 21:02

Oh no, you don’t make me feel old: I just think she’s not as ancient as some people are suggesting!

WellThisIsShit · 08/10/2017 22:45

It's the fuss your sister is making that makes it sound like your mother is extremely elderly and unlikely to see another milestone ShockWink

kateandme · 09/10/2017 00:05

Could they do a weekend away?that sounds lovely to me.and with so many of you a big goryous house share would split so it'd be far less each.then u can have birthday breakfast,a meal out while there.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 09/10/2017 17:41

YANBU you're sister sounds like she wants a reduce cost holiday. You can't compromise on term dates and it's unfair to expect your brothers to afford it. If put a foot down and say no!
Ask your mum what SHE wants...may she'd quite like 2 weeks away on her tod! I know I would! 😂

Maireadplastic · 09/10/2017 17:47

Even a weekend might be pushing it!

My husband is a teacher and his family are all in Canada. They cannot, will not, get their heads around the fact that he cannot just zip over there for family occasions during term time. Never mind the cost.

leghoul · 09/10/2017 17:58

You need to say NO

Jessikita · 09/10/2017 18:08

Two weeks away could work if you don’t all share a villa and have open communication.

My family and I often go away as a large group for 2 weeks but we have separate apartments (often in the same block) so we don’t get under each other’s feet and maintain separate space.

Then we have a few ground rules that we’re not joined at the hip. So we discuss what we would all like to do and then everyone decides if they want to go.
Last year I didn’t fancy the boat trip so my husband and I stayed around the pool with our children whilst they went off.
Well often gonthe market with my Mum and grandparents but my sister and cousin don’t like it so they stay on the beach etc.

Compromising on term dates is a silly thing to say. Plus won’t any of the children be school age?

ittakes2 · 09/10/2017 18:12

We just did this - total disaster. if you are going to go abroad as a family can I recommend you all go to an all inclusive resort.

manicmij · 09/10/2017 18:16

How on earth is a two week holiday with all those folk going to be a special celebration? Nightmare more likely. Why not give your Mum a couple of days at a spa on her own and a special meal with you all with cake. Would suit me. Being 50 doesn't warrant all that proposed fuss and expense.

OllyBJolly · 09/10/2017 18:22

We had a big family holiday like this. We get on great - no issues. All nice, fun people. We paid for everyone so money issues.

It was still a bloody nightmare. Don't do it!

kazillionaire · 09/10/2017 18:49

I'm 42 and have four children and five grandchildren, its not that rare xx

Slimthistime · 09/10/2017 18:50

Um, your sister sounds a bit cray cray if she thinks you work around term dates.

Also it sounds like she has some bizarre idea of doing this, it's not about what your mum wants from her perspective at all.

I went to Vegas with friends on my 40th and we did some other trips so were away for 10 days but we like each other and really it was just a holiday that we would have enjoyed anyway.

Is your sister always a bit mad? On what planet do you put together people who don't like each other for a holiday?!

Slimthistime · 09/10/2017 18:51

PS I'd be asking your mum what she'd like.

alwaysthepessimist · 09/10/2017 18:58

Blimey I couldn't do that. How about a centre parcs for a weekend instead?

MasterofKittens · 09/10/2017 19:20

Lol at compromising on term dates!😂😂😂

SpiritedFlame · 09/10/2017 19:58

My Mum would have absolutely killed me if I had arranged anything like this for her 50th Grin

We did a family meal and as it happened, I had booked a holiday for my toddler and I which Mum came along for and that was two days after her birthday so we sort of counted it as a bit of a birthday treat but prior to that, had a family meal.

I definitely don't think you are being unreasonable!

wheresmyphone · 09/10/2017 20:04

ask your mum.
2 weeks sounds awful!

TabbyMumz · 09/10/2017 20:12

Stick to your guns and say no. People who do this want to be well thought of for coming up with the idea and organising it. They don't think of how it effects other people.

curlilox · 09/10/2017 20:13

I won a weeks holiday in a cottage once and was told that "when available" in terms and conditions meant "not in school holidays." When I pointed out that both my daughter and I are teachers I was asked "Can't you take a week's holiday?" We eventually took the holiday in the school holidays by paying the difference.

OhBeggerItsMorning · 09/10/2017 20:13

Hmmm, a fortnight in a villa somewhere. Sounds suspiciously like your sister wants her yearly fortnight holiday in a couple of years time in a villa and is using your mum's 50th birthday to get everyone else to sub her holiday so she doesn't have to pay full price. Or could that just be me being cynical?

That aside, if it won't work for you\other family members just tell her you won't be taking part and organise something you think your mum would rather do\have, maybe asking other family members if they want to chip in idea wise and\or money wise, giving them more reason to be able to say no to your sister and her holiday plans. Easier said than done, I know!

As an aside, I am not 50 for another eight years, but if my children decided to make it into a big celebration I would appreciate whatever they wanted to do for me but would rather they did something I liked! What I would not appreciate is some of them feeling forced into spending money they could ill afford to spend, and doing something they didn't want to.

Good luck and I hope your mum has a 50th birthday she will enjoy, not a 50th engineered around what your sister wants.

camelfinger · 09/10/2017 20:17

I’d get annoyed with myself on a two week villa holiday, let alone if anyone else was there.

Maddy70 · 09/10/2017 20:19

Do a long weekend each and overlap on the day of your mums birthday
Mum can go for the longer period and that way it stays fresh without being on top of each other

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