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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an awful idea?

121 replies

Darknessinthevalley · 08/10/2017 11:21

My mum is 50 soon, a couple years yet but apparently we need to plan ahead. All told, there's 5 children, four with parents, and four grandchildren (currently, watch this space!) to consider. I'm a teacher as is my husband.
My sister wants us all to do a fortnight in a villa somewhere. She is outraged that I think this is a really bad idea. I've already been told I have to 'compromise' on my term dates.
Frankly, my family don't get along. We love each other and for short bursts we're fine, but two weeks? I can just see fights. Also, both my brothers have very little disposable income, and I don't want them overstretching themselves, I know they couldn't afford this.
I really want my mum to have a special birthday, of course, but a nice weekend away locally (UK), or a super fancy meal would be better and more manageable for all of us. I'm not sure where to go from here. AIBU to think this is silly?

OP posts:
morningconstitutional2017 · 08/10/2017 13:21

It sounds like you're the sensible one here and your sister is mistaken. Two weeks is much too long. If mum is happy with a posh meal or at most a weekend away then that's perfectly all right.

And compromising on term dates? How is that possible? Perhaps you should point out to madam exactly what compromising means. It doesn't mean moving heaven and earth just to please her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2017 13:22

I’d hate this. She can go on her own with her own family. Who is she to think she can dictate how and when other people spend their time and money?

diddl · 08/10/2017 13:23

"Make a better plan and offer it up to your brothers."

Ask them for suggestions??

calzone · 08/10/2017 13:32

Just stand up to her and say

No. End of.

A night away would be fine but your mum would probably prefer a meal and a special present.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 08/10/2017 13:43

Somewhere like Centreparcs? You all get your own space/villa. Something for all ages. Plenty of space (to get away from everyone). Food on site if you want it, or purchase from Cook. Get a cake made and organise a Sunday tea party in one villa. Mum can have spa experience.

We have done this twice for various special birthdays and it works really well. Centreparcs can book adjacent villas.

If you don't like Centreparcs then there are websites that cover group bookings, often in separate adjoining cottages.

Birdsgottafly · 08/10/2017 13:49

Your family sound like mine. When my Adult children ask me what I want for Birthdays/Christmas, my reply is for them to "shut it and smile".

I'm 50 next year, I can't plan a holiday with us all, which is what I would like because there has been fall-outs and i'm not having it ruined.

I would like a few days/weekend away, somewhere that will suit us all.

I think that would be a good idea, if possible.

Tell your Sister that it has got to suit all of those going and their budgets. If she wants to take your Mum away, she can do so.

I love Family holidays, but it's got to be agreed on.

Birdsgottafly · 08/10/2017 13:51

I do think this is a none argument,though. It isn't feasible to plan this early, though.

isitme88 · 08/10/2017 13:51

Whys it up to your sister when your brothers can't afford and you can't change term dates.
She sounds nuts.

Original poster
Darknessinthevalley · 08/10/2017 14:26

Lots of food for thought. Mum likes the idea of a national trust place that people can drop in and out of over a few days.
Two weeks away has been vetoed, to much catsbumface from my sister!

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 08/10/2017 14:33

LOL at compromising on term dates.

'Compromise doesn't happen with term dates. How about a weekend away? Let me know what you think...' etc.

Pemba · 08/10/2017 14:40

Teachers are not allowed to just take holiday mid-term. A few days unpaid maybe if the school owe you a favour and it's a very special occasion - which IMO a 50th really isn't. But I'm sure you know this already - your sister is batshit!

goose1964 · 08/10/2017 15:02

I had a lovely family lunch with close family, Inc grandsons, for my 50th. I'd hate anything that overstretched my kids

wonkylegs · 08/10/2017 15:09

It's my MILs 70th this year and she asked for us all to go on a special activity holiday this year. They know it's difficult to co-ordinate holidays so have worked out with everyone (3families with kids) the one week we can do and knowing it's v.expensive and we wouldn't usually do it at that time, the in-laws are paying for the accommodation and we are all playing for our own flights/activity.
We have all had to make compromises to make it work and it can only be a week but actually I think we all think that's enough of each other's company. It will have been booked 10months in advance due to the co-ordination issues of getting the whole family together / school / work holidays.
MILs request though not a surprise.

Nikephorus · 08/10/2017 15:14

Ah yes, nothing says "Happy Birthday" quite like two weeks of family arguments that you have to pay for Grin
Whatever happened to a decent meal out and a card?!

oldlaundbooth · 08/10/2017 15:17

As you said, it's an idyllic week in your head only... The reality is same shit different sink but with family as well to get on your nerves.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/10/2017 19:23

@Nikephorus, for some reason, your post really gave me a belly laugh.
Thank God for a good sense of humour ! 😂

WildwestWind · 08/10/2017 19:46

My mum was 80 earlier this year And my brother organised a long weekend away for the family. Friday night was fun, Saturday was exciting as the main day for celebrating, Sunday was bearable as a chill out day, Monday was tough and we all just wanted to go home. We are a close family and are chilled with each other. Two weeks together would end all that!

Doramaybe · 08/10/2017 20:00

@WildwestWind

You just put into words exactly what I was thinking myself.

I have a brother and sister and we rub along fine. But if we were together for more than a day or two full on, things might get heated. We are so very different you see!

Two weeks with anyone other than my DP (and even that can result in a few differences of opinion also let it be said!) would never work. TWO WEEKS. Feck that.

Appuskidu · 08/10/2017 20:01

I've already been told I have to 'compromise' on my term dates.

Grin

Really?!

Your sister sounds like a total pita! I wouldn't fancy spending a weekend with her let alone a fortnight.

How is it a treat for your mum if she's paying for herself??

CatsOclock · 08/10/2017 20:06

I wish someone like your sister could come on here and explain why they do these things. I'm genuinely curious.

motherinferior · 08/10/2017 20:42

And the OP’s mum isn’t going to be 70 or 80. She’s younger than I am. Take her out on the town and have cocktails and champagne. Not some sedate fortnight away which you can’t do and your brothers can’t afford!

motherinferior · 08/10/2017 20:44

I have to say I hope your mum has a lovely new bloke for a wild weekend that birthday...

Original poster
Darknessinthevalley · 08/10/2017 20:48

Motherinferior, I really hope she does too! After what's happened with my step dad, I'd love for her to get a nice boyfriend Smile
My sister just thinks she knows best at all times and gets arsey if she can't enact her will.
As it goes though, mum isn't a champagne and night out type, she loves camping with a book!

OP posts:
Witchend · 08/10/2017 20:48

Having done this, I would say do not on any account do more than a long weekend.

PickAChew · 08/10/2017 20:50

Heck, I'll be 50 in a couple of years and if I even got a whiff of what your sister is planning, I'd go into hiding!

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