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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who's in the wrong?

88 replies

NicoleB67 · 06/10/2017 23:14

OH and I have been playing around with each other all night and messing about acting like 13 year olds (FYI, we are in our mid 30's LOL). I was standing next to the TV and had a hair grip in my hand that I threw at him jokingly and it hit him just below the eye which he got into a right fit about and got pissed off with me. He then proceeded to pick up the big sky remote and throw it pretty hard at my thigh in retaliation (also anger which I could see etched on his face). He is a 6 foot tall sportsman with a strong arm and it really f**king hurt and is still stinging now half an hour later and left a mark. I'm really upset with him but he seems to think I'm in the wrong for starting it by the grip thing. Who's in the wrong here? (Sorry for the school type post, I do get it comes across v immature and am prepared to be flamed )

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 07/10/2017 10:38

He picked up the nearest thing too throw back. Had it been a cushion or a slipper etc it wouldn’t have hurt.

Or it could have been a book, or a glass or a hot cup of coffee...

ILoveMillhousesDad · 07/10/2017 10:38

A pair of divvies. Play fighting rarely ends up fun for both parties. I detest it.

Your fella was a dick for hurting you on purpose, but you were both bu

deepestdarkestperu · 07/10/2017 10:38

This kind of thing always ends badly. I’d say you were both as bad as each other. I’d bet you wouldn’t be happy if he’d thrown something at your face either.

MummyMuppet2x2 · 07/10/2017 10:42

Simple. He's in the wrong.
What you did was part of the horseplay which you were both partaking in.
What he did was not.

LavenderDoll · 07/10/2017 10:42

He's in the wrong

5rivers7hills · 07/10/2017 10:44

There is a reason parents tell their children play fighting will end in tears

deepestdarkestperu · 07/10/2017 10:44

He probably decided that having something lobbed at his face ended the horseplay.

I’ve had play fights with boyfriends and it never ends well. Someone always goes to far and someone ends up getting hurt.

PandorasXbox · 07/10/2017 11:07

Or it could have been a book, or a glass or a hot cup of coffee...

And that goes for the OP. As I said it’s only the fact she threw a hairgrip as to why he wasn’t hurt as much.

The OP started it.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 07/10/2017 11:22

Throwing something at another person isn't playing, he reacted to your actions. Yes he should have walked away but you started it and didn't like ot when he did the same thing to you.

Sounds like both of you need to be adults and work out that throwing things isn't what people do in healthy relationships.

MummyMuppet2x2 · 07/10/2017 11:32

The hairclip near the eye was an unwise move, but wasn't intended to harm. It was an accident, but still part of the horseplay. I expect that in the build up to that point they'd both hurt each other more than the potential 'pain' a hairclip could inflict on another, less dangerous, part of the body.

Now, the remote, pelted with full strength, was intended to hurt. Therefore not part of the playfighting. Therefore, wrong.

He is clearly in the wrong by a million gazillion light years. Her actions were silly, but clearly accidental, and left no lasting damage.

However, I suggest that OP and her partner don't do this type of playfighting any more. If they do playfight again in the future they are both being unreasonable.

PandorasXbox · 07/10/2017 11:34

But had the OP had a book, remote control, mug etc in her hand that most likely would have been lobbed his way!

BastardGoDarkly · 07/10/2017 11:52

How did he react when he knew he'd really hurt you op?

What's he said this morning?

tippz · 07/10/2017 11:54

Upshot is, some men HAVE to let you know that they are in charge, they are the boss, and they can hurt you more than you can hurt them.

Also, some of them won't rest until they get their own back. Even MY other half says (occasionally) 'I will remember that!' if I do something (even unintentionally/accidentally.) When I remind him what a nasty, pathetic trait that is, to 'seek revenge' he walks away with his tail between his legs and nothing more is said.

Of course YANBU and your boyfriend is acting like a cunt. Purposely causing you pain to prove a point; that if you hurt him, he will fucking well hurt you back.

I would run a mile from this man.

@looneytunes253
no need to be crass. Minerva. I don’t need to fuck off thanks. Yeah she started it by throwing something at him. Wasn’t meant to hurt but she did it all the same. I woulda chucked something back at someone who’d chucked something in my face too.

Wow! So revenge is your thing is it? Getting someone back just to prove a point.... What a childish, unpleasant trait.

Just because she chucked a clip at him while they were fucking about, and accidentally hurt him, that does NOT give him the right to deliberately hurt her in revenge. All he had to do was say 'STOP! Don't throw stuff, that hurt!' Then the OP would have said sorry and it would have/should have all ended.

Him 'getting his own back' by hurting her, (much more than she had hurt him as he is stronger,) was nasty and pathetic. And he is not the kind of man I would be staying with.

And @NicoleB67, your other half is the one in the wrong - not you. As a few posters have said, I would be careful, and watch your back. This man sounds like a loose cannon.

tippz · 07/10/2017 11:55

I would like to rephrase my third paragraph...

Of course YANBU and your boyfriend is acting like a cunt. Purposely causing you pain to prove a point; that if you hurt him, even accidentally! he will fucking well hurt you back.

PandorasXbox · 07/10/2017 11:57

Purposely causing you pain to prove a point; that if you hurt him, he will fucking well hurt you back.

So you think it’s ok that the OP threw the hairgrip?

PandorasXbox · 07/10/2017 11:58

Accidentally? It wasn’t an accident fgs.

tippz · 07/10/2017 12:10

They were messing about FFS!

It disturbs me greatly to think some people on here think it's OK for him to hurt her back. What a horrible way to think.

You actually think that's OK?!

Get a (hair) grip!

tippz · 07/10/2017 12:11

He should have said 'ow that hurt, don't chuck shit!' Not deliberately hurt her back like a nasty vengeful child.

PandorasXbox · 07/10/2017 12:12

I don’t think it was ok that he hurt her. Obviously.

Do you think it was ok that she threw a grip at his eye?

tippz · 07/10/2017 12:15

Of course I don't think it was OK that she chucked the grip, but it was horseplay that went a bit far. She didn't mean to hurt him, that is obvious. But he deliberately went out to hurt her. And he DID.

If you cannot see the difference, then I pity you.

PandorasXbox · 07/10/2017 12:20

Yet you can’t see the difference between someone throwing a grip at someone’s face and the fact it could have hit him in the eye and somehow have this down as horseplay

SonicBoomBoom · 07/10/2017 12:26

Both of you.

Cupoteap · 07/10/2017 12:31

You need your heads banging together, now children I need to get on

Maddiemademe · 07/10/2017 12:32

Good old mumsnet. It was a hairgrip for goodness sake.

Op, that was inexcusable of him and I would be rethinking continuing something with someone who resorts to a violent act. Can't believe how many are excusing him.

llangennith · 07/10/2017 12:38

You both need to grow up.

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