Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the worst funeral behaviour you've seen?

356 replies

Fishface77 · 06/10/2017 22:47

I went to a funeral today.
open coffin at home.
People were filing past the coffin to pay their respects when someone decided they wanted to get to the crem in a hurry.
Cue pushing and shoving and the coffin almost fell of the stand. Saved by the mans wife!
Also random women wailing. Seriously no
Need.

OP posts:
BlurryFace · 07/10/2017 14:56

I think I came across as a bit mad at my grans funeral. I just couldn't stop laughing. The vicar made reference to my grans "unique cooking" (which I was subjected to many times) and I just couldn't stop the rest of the service.Blush

Then the bloody singing started, and the vicar was such a good, strong singer (and miced up) you couldn't hear anyone else and people stopped singing along so it ended up being more like we'd all gone to a show and I started laughing again.

PoorYorick · 07/10/2017 14:58

Making a point of going to funerals when you've essentially no connection is odd though. Why would you do that?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 07/10/2017 15:00

In some weird panic at my grans wake I took two mugs . They are mugs we bought together on a special day together and were worth very little . But I wanted them !

My bag was Clacking and I got a few strange looks . It wasn't a good look and I cringe to this day 😖

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/10/2017 15:15

Making a point of going to funerals when you've essentially no connection is odd though. Why would you do that?

I guess it's hard to say when you're not the type to do it, but in my exMIL's case it seemed to be mostly about attention seeking - also the need to appear to know everything about everyone

As a connoisseur of doom, gloom and other peoples' illnesses, funerals also offered her a tantalising chance of picking up intimate medical details, which could later be spread far and wide

MrsGotobed · 07/10/2017 15:36

I hope people don't judge others for crying at funerals.

Only yesterday I cried at a funeral, along with many other mourners. I think that the circumstances (suicide) meant a lot of people who would normally have held it together, or weren't close friends or family, cried.

Also you never know what someone my be thinking of or remembering during a funeral service, or their relationship with the deceased.

That said, there was one person there who we knew wasn't really known to the deceased person. We did wonder why she was there and could only presume it was for sheer morbid fascination and wanting to know the story behind the death.

poisoningpidgeysinthepark · 07/10/2017 15:37

I attended a funeral where there was a eulogy of only two sentences: "He was a plumber. Everyone hated him."

CakesRUs · 07/10/2017 15:43

My old boss turned up at my DD funeral. Hadn't seen him for years and I haven't seen him since. Why?

Deathraystare · 07/10/2017 16:28

Thankfully no shenanigens at any funeral I attended. Although one guy did get my dad's name wrong - kept calling him Malcolm (his middle name). I was sitting next to his brother My lovely uncle Robert (those funeral I recently attended) and I were in fits. No one was upset although my SIL did mention to the guy afterwards. Luckily mum was too out if it to notice.

My Uncle Robert's funeral was deffo a celebration of his life. I had not seen my cousin since we were kids and so met all his kids. We actually had a great time.

goose1964 · 07/10/2017 16:39

Nine's nowhere near as bad as some of these but the organist fell asleep at Mum's funeral. It's funny looking back

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/10/2017 17:01

I don't think anyone should criticise another person for crying at a funeral, but I think we've all met attention seekers, and you probably have to be there/know those involved to be able to tell the difference.

I remember a colleague's funeral. It was very sad, as she died of cancer while still in her 50s and her children were only just adults. Another colleague wept inconsolably. She hadn't known the deceased that well but it wasn't long after she had lost her own mother. I think we all knew what was going on there, and nobody as far as I know was in any way critical of her.

That's not really the kind of thing being mentioned here, although in cases where there's been a big family upset I do often wonder if all the bad behaviour was on one side.

Adrianflank · 07/10/2017 17:04

My uncle and my nan had fell out years before she passed (he took her to court)

My uncle turned up to her funeral and got up and said that my mum and uncle had chucked my nan into a care home to rot away, but they hadnt, they both was caring foe her when she was at home, but she fractured her back and needed 24/7 care, she was asked nurmous times if she wanted to see him before she died, but she said NO!

My nan had the last laugh tho, she only left 1 thing in her will for him, she had the first ever letter she received from his solicitors framed and left to him

gabsdot · 07/10/2017 17:09

My old boss turned up at my DD funeral. Hadn't seen him for years and I haven't seen him since. Why?

Was he Irish, this would be a very normal thing to do in Ireland. Everyone you've ever known would go to the funeral of your close relation.

CoughLaughFart · 07/10/2017 17:19

I keep thinking of Blanche from Corrie going to funerals just for the buffet. 'I went to a lovely funeral the other day. A black lady. Well, I assume she was; her daughters were.'

ZippyCameBack · 07/10/2017 17:50

I've been to loads of funerals where I had either never met the deceased, or knew them only slightly. Usually it was because they were distant relatives of my husband, or because I knew them slightly and I knew there would be very few mourners (once I was one of only 6). If it's done respectfully, I don't see the problem- everyone deserves to have someone there to send them off.
I don't usually bother with the "do" afterwards though, I go home after the burial.

GenericNameChange · 07/10/2017 17:55

At my nan's funeral, someone told my mum (my nan's daughter) that she'd put loads of weight on. The guy who did it was about 90 but totally compos mentis. Still makes me angry thinking about it Angry.

HateIsNotGood · 07/10/2017 17:59

My sisters changing the time of my Mum's funeral so that me and ds were supposed to turn up an hour late. Only because my Times Obituary announced the time as I knew it did the Funeral Director contact me the night before.

I went and held my own funeral with my Mum before everyone else as I was too upset to just be upset about my Mum dying.

Naturally I am NC with the pair of them now.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/10/2017 18:10

How bloody rude of you, EllieThornton. There was no need for all the !!!!’s in your post either, it just wasn’t funny.

treaclesoda · 07/10/2017 18:24

I think I've been to more funerals of people I didn't know than to people that I did know. It's totally normal where I'm from. If eg a colleague or friend's parent died and you didn't attend on the basis that you'd never actually met them you'd be thought to be a self centred arsehole. And people would never forgive you.

holdthewine · 07/10/2017 18:39

Chewing gum in church.

Dutch1e · 07/10/2017 18:59

Not awful but definitely awkward.

I went with a newish boyfriend to the funeral of his grandfather.

One of his relatives came over and by way of introduction started guffawing in my face about how then-boyfriend was a grief-stricken wreck at grandma's funeral a few years earlier. When then-boyfriend was all of 14 and grandma had basically been his mother.

I gave the guy plenty of grace for not being at his best but he was one of those people who keep hee-hawing at his joke until everyone else laughs too.

I'd say it was a good 40 seconds of sustained braying before I decided it was time to nip to the loo.

Dutch1e · 07/10/2017 19:00

^it can't have been 40 seconds though. Maybe time just felt stretched

CoughLaughFart · 07/10/2017 19:33

How bloody rude of you, EllieThornton. There was no need for all the !!!!’s in your post either, it just wasn’t funny.

Oh don't be so ridiculous. Someone made her laugh - not her fault - and when you know you're not supposed to be laughing there's nothing harder than stopping. The poor woman was probably mortified at the time.

I really can't stand this holier than thou Head Girl attitude.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/10/2017 19:34

(in Ireland) Everyone you've ever known would go to the funeral of your close relation

Where it's well meant, it must be lovely for the bereaved to see so many folk there to offer their support

Must make the wakes hellishly expensive to cater for though Wink Blush

treaclesoda · 07/10/2017 19:37

Must make the wakes hellishly expensive to cater for though

Ah, but the wake is before the funeral! (In fact, I'm baffled by the idea of a wake after the funeral - it's a wake to make sure the dead person doesn't wake up) In the house, where people come to see the body. And you never arrive empty handed. So instead of being hellishly expensive to cater you've got more food than anyone can eat and end up throwing three quarters of it away afterwards.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/10/2017 20:00

Ah, but the wake is before the funeral!

Well, that's something else I've learned today ... I thought the thing before was called a "visitation" but it appears not

Now you put it like that it actually makes a lot of sense, especially if folk turn up with dishes, etc. What a lovely idea Smile