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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the teacher that dd won't be doing the detention ?

377 replies

Wibblywobblyfoo · 06/10/2017 20:15

Dd came home from school tonight saying that she has been given an after school detention, to be done on monday, for missing a bit of homework that was meant to be handed in today. She went to her lesson and they were all asked for their homework. She told the teacher there was none and the teacher logged onto the online homework portal and showed them the set work, that she had set at 9.30pm last night!
Dd is 14 and was in bed at 9.30 last night. We also have a no computers after 8.30 pm for them all during the week.
Is setting the work that late reasonable?

OP posts:
strawberrisc · 07/10/2017 19:13

@IdaJones What do you do if she misses the bus and you live miles away and don't drive?

She has an term-time bus pass and a Revolut pre-paid card for emergencies. If it was an absolute emergency she could get a taxi but that would cost £15 and I don't consider her telling me she has no homework (when she does) and then getting a detention an emergency!

pollymere · 07/10/2017 19:17

At my dd school teachers have to set hwk by a set time and give two nights to do it. Any uploads after this time mean you have three nights. I think this teacher is being very unreasonable. Check your school's rules on hwk and talk to the Head.

howrudeforme · 07/10/2017 19:21

Ooh way back in 1979 after two weeks at senior school I got a detention. Class was set homework but then teacher changed her mind and said 'forget it'. Two girls didn't hear her and came equipped with homework and the rest of didn't and the rest of us got detention. I was nervous and mortified. My ddad just said - that's shit and welcome to the real world.

The fact I'm nearly 50 and still remember it speaks volumes.

In Op case I'd say do the detention but write a SHORT note to the teacher saying homework should be set in school time.

MaggieS41 · 07/10/2017 20:11

If I didn’t do my homework when in secondary school I never got detention. We often talk about how 14 or 15 year olds (in some militant mothers minds 10 year olds) are old enough to take responsibility for their actions. In that case let them not do their homework and see how their grades fail. If they don’t fail, good on them I say! Some kids need to work hard - others don’t. In this case yes, yanbu - why punish children for things beyond their control? You just create resentment or fear and none of that shit is good. I agree that there should be respect for certain school rules but ffs some need to be challenged. If we all followed the rules this would be a fucking boring place to live. I’m not comparing schools to North Korea but just saying....

mountford100 · 07/10/2017 20:58

I actually got a detention for handing homework in 1984 1st year at the grammar school (everybody wondered i had passed to get in ) A homework was given by the English teacher than she changed her mind about setting it. I spent 1 hr 30 minutes on it handed it in the next day and than learnt it was not what was required. The teacher then told me i was in detention because the grammar and spelling was appalling !

Mother said she agreed with the teacher, that i deserved a detention for submitting work full of grammar and spelling mistakes.

mountford100 · 07/10/2017 20:59

How i had passed to get in .....

CasanovaFrankenstein · 07/10/2017 22:08

It's ridiculous to set it so late. This is just setting the tone for the work world of 'always on'. Unhealthy.

BigRedMama · 07/10/2017 22:47

FWIW, I think homework is a waste of time anyway so I would not be happy and not enforcing the detention if my daughter did not do all her homework.

manicmij · 08/10/2017 00:19

Okay to set homework that late but totally unreasonable to expect to have been done for next day. If teacher is unreasonable about refusal insist head teacher should be contacted to make aware of this ridiculous expectation.

abtnurse · 08/10/2017 09:44

My daughter had this sort of situation. Was given homework of x and y, which she didn’t quite understand was required. She checked it out in class and still didn’t quite understand. At the end of the lesson teacher saw she was puzzled and came over to clarify, that it was x and y. She did x and y. My husband checked the school Web site (SIMS) at 7.30 am the next morning and the homework wasn’t even on there. When she got to school and handed in x and y, the teacher demanded x, y AND z!! The lesson ended at 12 noon. When she got home half an hour later my husband checked SIMS again and there was homework z entered! She didn’t get detention but it caused tremendous stress to my conscientious daughter. Teachers do get it wrong sometimes and whilst I believe parents should support the school, teachers also have a moral responsibility to admit their mistakes and apologise sometimes.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 08/10/2017 11:02

FWIW, I think homework is a waste of time anyway so I would not be happy and not enforcing the detention if my daughter did not do all her homework.

@BigRedMama at primary level the research seems to agree with you but not at secondary. Although it is always hard to say that homework is the silver bullet rather than other factors. Are your children at primary or secondary? Do the children do their homework? If they get a detention do you stop them going? Have you signed a home/school agreement?

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 11:10

I think homework is a waste of time anyway so I would not be happy and not enforcing the detention if my daughter did not do all her homework.
With due respect, supporting/not supporting the detebtion has nothing to do with what you think about homework.
I don't get parents who selective support school policies based on what they do/don't think is a waste of time.

The OP is right to query the way the homework was set and if it is as stated earlier then they would be well within their rights to say 'given the nature of the situation I am happy to supervise her doing the work at home, but I would expect you to cancel the detention'.
They wouldn't be in their rights ti say to the child 'You don't have to go to the detention. It's only homework and it's a waste of time anyway'.

The first is reasonably raising a concern.
The second is being one of those parents who picks and chooses what matters/doesn't and undermines the school routinely (usually gaining the reputation of one of 'those' parents)

mumof3boys33 · 08/10/2017 11:58

My older 2 are in years 9 and 12. They are usually in bed and have lights off by 9pm on a school night. I may be mean asking them go to bed early but the bus picks them up at 8am and they really struggle to wake up and get up. Especially the year 9 I sometimes feel like dragging him out of bed as he finds waking so hard. My oldest doesn't really have turn his light off by 9pm I have never enforced it, he just does it anyway as he's tired. So there's no way they would be looking online for homework at that time. I think you are right in complaining.
Due to most of the children at our secondary school needing to get on school buses, they get detention at lunch time. My boys have occasionally come home and not eaten packed lunches. When asked why they've had detention and not had time to eat. I get annoyed that they've not eaten. But for the school it must be easier than having to phone parents to get them to collect children, with work I expect a lot couldn't collect anyway.
I hope you get a decent reply op.

wobblywindows · 08/10/2017 15:43

good email OP, but could do with a little tightening up.

Dd has said that she is due a detention for not doing homework, she is sure the there was no prior mention of it before the 9.30 email that you showed them in school. Could you clarify if something was set during class that she did not take note of? Regards wibbly

I'd use the 24 hour clock here so it is crystal clear- if she shows the email to someone else- that she set the email in the evening. I'd also end that sentence with " that you showed them in school the next morning."

Could you clarify if something was set during class ?
Is ok, but the last bit is unnecessary (and undermines your daughter).

Hope next week goes well but you obviously need a plan in place for Monday because the teacher is unlikely to reply before then, and your daughter shouldn't be made to do detention under those circumstances.

Cary2012 · 08/10/2017 16:54

I'm not my school's greatest fan at the moment, but having read this thread I think our homework policy is fair. We set homework to be handed in the same lesson the following week, and they write it in their journals. When we take the register the following week they tell us if they've done it. If they haven't, they have until lunch time the following day to put it in my tray. If it doesn't appear they get a homework detention the following Monday.

OP, I would question this too, yanbu

pointythings · 08/10/2017 17:14

Cary our school doesn't set next day homework either. And when teachers fail to upload in reasonable time, they accept their error and extend deadlines. I think it is massively important for school rules to be seen as fair, equitable and sensible - that way falling in line with them becomes the path of least resistance. And parents/children who then choose not to follow the rules have only themselves to blame. i think super harsh and nit-picky rules are often counterproductive because they catch out the good kids who, because they are fallible and human, will make the odd mistake. If there is no positive reward for trying to do the right thing, why would you bother?

Cary2012 · 08/10/2017 19:37

I agree pointy, I have 'forgotten' to set a detention to the pupil who I know has loads going on at home, and life is a struggle for them.

I actually set the minimum homework I can, because I had three kids go through the school I teach get snowed under with KS4 homework, and as a parent, I get it.

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 21:15

pointy
I've offered similar extensions when it has come to light that students have had their science ISA or languages speaking mocks on the day I had set homework for. I'd often say 'if you want to hand it in on X as planned, you can. If you would like the extra day then hand it to me on Y. I am expecting nobody to abuse my flexibility'. Nobody abuses it because they know that if they abuse my kindness then I will star holding a fixed line, which is more of a pain for them than me.

youarenotkiddingme · 08/10/2017 22:03

Most teachers are reasonable and treat pupils with respect which is then returned/ a 2 way street is created.

Unfortunately some use punishment as a power trip and a stupid tit for tat battle is created.

My ds was given a lunchtime detention for being late to class once. He'd stopped to take a year 6 on transition day to his classroom as he was lost. Teacher wouldn't accept any explanation. She also wouldn't listen when ds tried to say he had hospital appointment so wouldn't be there at lunch.
She issued after school DT for failure to attend.
I emailed to say she'd need to contact LA and arrange his transport to change and just to clarify that the detention was for above reasons.
The email I got back was as ds had transport she'd let him off 'this time' but next time I'd have to arrange to pick him up.

Me thinks she actually realised she'd been an arse! (Which I suppose is a good thing in the end!)

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 22:38

Me thinks she actually realised she'd been an arse!
Probably. Smile I can think of some colleagues who would play that situation off in a similar way once they realised they'd been an arse.

I remember getting half way througy telling some students that I was disappointed they'd not got their homework in. They listened politely until one piped up that it wasn't actually due til the next day! Blush I'd forgotten they were now y11s and had read my y10 homework. GrinBlush

safariboot · 08/10/2017 23:18

I think it is massively important for school rules to be seen as fair, equitable and sensible

I think most parents and most children would agree with that. However the actions of a lot of schools make that not the case.

/rant

MachineBee · 09/10/2017 08:21

I'm so glad my kids are beyond school age now. I went to a grammar school, but even though there were lots of rules, they could be challenged with good reason. The schools by us that my DSCs attend seem to have taken leave of any common sense. No coats rule - even in wet or cold weather. No days off sick - great when the norovirus is doing the rounds. And don't get me started about taking kids out of school for family things such as funerals etc.

If school is supposed to prepare kids for the world of work, then they should be teaching them how to be flexible and adaptable. That sometimes means having to negotiate and compromise. All they seem to do is teach them how to get around silly rules without being found out! Angry

prh47bridge · 09/10/2017 08:24

I think homework is a waste of time anyway so I would not be happy and not enforcing the detention if my daughter did not do all her homework

As MaisyPops says, the evidence is against you, at least for secondary school pupils. And I love the idea that it is up to you whether or not to enforce the detention. The school has the law on its side. If a child fails to attend a detention the school is entitled to take further enforcement action which could end with the child being permanently excluded.

PaleAzureofSummer · 09/10/2017 08:32

Machine. Those rules do sound bonkers. Glad dc's comp don't have any rules as mad as that.

PaleAzureofSummer · 09/10/2017 10:39

Let us know how you get on op. I predict that the teacher will apologise and cancel the detention (assuming there's been no misunderstanding) You sound reasonable and your dd sounds like a good student who normally gives in homework.